Our little big man

[gps]

Hi all,

So never in a million years did I think on a Saturday evening I would be sharing my story of loss on a forum. I have never been on a forum before and my wonderful husband helped me to do so, so here is my story and thank you for reading.

On the 6th of Feb 2010 my husband and I were having a wonderful day reading letters we had written to each other in England. 6 years ago we met, fell in love and named our unborn children our first to be a boy we named him Hayden Maxwell. So time passed we came home to Oz we got engaged, then married and of course then pregnant.

We had a great pregnancy no sickness and a boy so as he grew he was known by many as Hayden Maxwell. We had our 3 month scan and the moment I saw him I knew he was just like his Daddy peaceful, patient and kind. We kept waiting patiently for the arrival of our little man. We had a meeting with our obstriction at 38weeks and he was quiet large on Thursday the 4th and on Saturday the 6th I was not feeling Hayden as much as I had done previously so we made a call to the hospital and they asked us to come in just to check on him. My initial thought was excitement saying to my husband we are going into labour when we were driving in. I then had the ‘what if’s’. I tried so hard to not think the worst however we were given the worst news: our little mans heart had stopped beating and he was no longer with us.

The initial shock was painful, telling family was so hard and believing it ourselves was even harder. I did not know a great deal about stillborn babies let alone knowing you had to deliver one if it happened to you. Heartbreaking does not even begin to describe it.

When it came time I said to my husband this needs to be a 3 step process. We need to deliver him, we need to say hello and then we need to say good bye. This was easier said than done. I prayed and talked to our little man and asked him to not make it to hard and he needed to come that day as the thought of going home for 2 days waiting for my water to break scared me ever so much.

My water broke and I was so proud of our little man. My beautiful husband held my hand the whole time as we delivered our little big man Hayden Maxwell. The hardest thing for me was the only noise I heard in the delivery room was my husband crying when our boy finally came into this world.

So there he was a spitting image of his dad just perfect. We introduced him to our family; he shares the same birthday as my sister the 7th of Feb. We shared 2 days and 2 nights with Hayden became attached like any parent does, we had a naming ceremony and built precious memories that will last us a life time. We are in awe of the ripple effect Hayden has had on our lives and many others.

We miss him every day. Life is ever so different. Things that once seemed important are now of little significance. Anger, frustration, fear… these are all feelings that seem to be hanging around more often these days, but the one thing that we hold onto is hope. People say things happen for a reason and we wonder why however the answer will forever be unknown. We really want and will try again, however we are scared and I guess that is human nature.

So my question for anyone who has been in a situation like this have you gone on to have a successful pregnancy and if so mentally how do you get through the next one?

Thankyou for sharing my story I feel 100 kilos lighter writing this.

[Eenee]

gps, so sorry for your loss of little Hayden Maxwell. Thankyou for sharing your story with us.

[~Kim~]

Oh my love. I am so so sorry for your loss.

I do want to say welcome though. There is much support, love and understanding here.

Sweet Hayden, fly free little guy.

[feeb]

Welcome to BB so sorry it is under such sad terms.

Hugs for you and your family, I hope you find comfort and support on BB.

RIP little Hayden Maxwell.
fly free with the angels

xoxo

[ss_storm]

So sorry for the loss of your gorgeous little boy. May he RIP and watch over you both.

Thanks for sharing your story, I'm in tears reading it! I hope it helped a little, and that you can find the support you need from the wonderful community here on BB.

[Jas]

I have never been through the loss of a baby so I can only begin to imagine how you feel. I just wanted to say that there are many women on this forum who have experienced this and who have had children.

I am crying reading your story, Hayden Maxwell is a beautiful name and your son sounds equally as beautiful. I will be thinking of him and your family.

[nickle730]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Hayden Maxwell. Thank you for sharing your story.

[JennaJayen]

Hi gps, I'd like to welcome you to BB, even though it is under such sad circumstances.

I am truly sorry for your loss darl, your story is heartbreaking and brought tears to my eyes.

In answer to your question, while I have not had a late loss like you have, I have had repeated early losses - 4 before I had my DS, and 2 this year, 1 in January and the other just this month.

It is definately possible to have another happy, healthy baby after not only a late loss but repeated early losses as well, myself and many other wonderful women on here are proof of that. Never give up hope, you have some wonderful memories of your precious little boy that will be with you for the rest of your life.

One day, even though it will still hurt, the good memories will outweigh the bad and you'll be able to look back and say "I am stronger because I have been through so much hardship and pain and survived, and my child/children who have joined the angels will always be with me to hold me up and keep me strong and help me to get through anything life throws in my path".

Sending lots and lots of BIIIIIG HUGS to you and your husband, and to the rest of your family as well.

Fly Free Little Hayden Maxwell

Jen - xoxo

[RhiChiChi]

Hi gps, I'd like to welcome you to BB, even though it is under such sad circumstances.

I am truly sorry for your loss darl, your story is heartbreaking and brought tears to my eyes.

In answer to your question, while I have not had a late loss like you have, I have had repeated early losses - 4 before I had my DS, and 2 this year, 1 in January and the other just this month.

It is definately possible to have another happy, healthy baby after not only a late loss but repeated early losses as well, myself and many other wonderful women on here are proof of that. Never give up hope, you have some wonderful memories of your precious little boy that will be with you for the rest of your life.

One day, even though it will still hurt, the good memories will outweigh the bad and you'll be able to look back and say "I am stronger because I have been through so much hardship and pain and survived, and my child/children who have joined the angels will always be with me to hold me up and keep me strong and help me to get through anything life throws in my path".

Sending lots and lots of BIIIIIG HUGS to you and your husband, and to the rest of your family as well.

Fly Free Little Hayden Maxwell

Jen - xoxo

Well said Jen.

So sorry for yours, DH & your family's loss. You will find alot of support and information on this forum. All the best for the future. x

[mrsmac]

I am so sorry that you have found us in these circumstances but congratulations on the birth of your precious son Hayden.

There are sadly many women on here who have been through what you have and will e able to offer you a lot of support. the rest of us sent you much love and strength for when you run out.

[diannescruffy]

So sorry for the loss of your precious Hayden Maxwell, my heart breaks for you. May you hold the memories of your sweet boy close to your heart. I lost my son at 24wks and went on to have a healthy little girl. Thank you so much for sharing your story, a big warm embrace to you and your family at this time.

Regards,
Dianne
Emmanuel born sleeping @24wks

[tk1999]

Thank you for sharing Hayden's story with us.

My love and hugs to you and your DH.

Fly free Hayden, too precious for this world

[TeniBear]

That sounds so much like my story Obviously, only having lost Ianto (my son) three weeks ago, I can't tell you if my next pregnancy will be a success, but there are many couples that go on to have babies with no other losses.

Sharing your story really helps, I can vouch for that. I felt like I had to get everything out when i wrote mine, and those who have read it will tell you - I got everything out I've started a blog in Ianto's memory, too, that's helping me get my thoughts in order. But like you said - nothing seems significant anymore. I've been looking at people when I've gone out, and thought "How can you be happy when this has happened to me?"

I hope we both go on to have happy, healthy babies, but in the same token may we never forget our first little blue bundles... RIP Hayden, your mummy obviously loves you very much

PS - Please stick around bellybelly, we really are a lovely bunch of people

[Turkish Delight]

Oh GPS. I am so sorry for the loss of Hayden. I am sure he is with you all the time.Take all the time you need and want to grieve your loss. Don't let anybody else tell you otherwise.

and welcome to BB.

xxoo

[chody47]

I am truly sorry for your loss

[gps]

That sounds so much like my story Obviously, only having lost Ianto (my son) three weeks ago, I can't tell you if my next pregnancy will be a success, but there are many couples that go on to have babies with no other losses.

Sharing your story really helps, I can vouch for that. I felt like I had to get everything out when i wrote mine, and those who have read it will tell you - I got everything out I've started a blog in Ianto's memory, too, that's helping me get my thoughts in order. But like you said - nothing seems significant anymore. I've been looking at people when I've gone out, and thought "How can you be happy when this has happened to me?"

I hope we both go on to have happy, healthy babies, but in the same token may we never forget our first little blue bundles... RIP Hayden, your mummy obviously loves you very much

PS - Please stick around bellybelly, we really are a lovely bunch of people

[~MummaBear~]

I am so so sorry for the loss of your little Hayden, i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better but there jsut isnt the words. I have no idea about the next pregnancy but please dont under estimate the strength that you will need to TTC again, apart from the loss of my little girl, TTC no is the hardest thing i have ever done. im not trying to scare you or anything, but no one told me this would be so hard.
I hope you stick around and we get to hear your advice for mums in your current situation.
lots of love to you and your family

Bobbie

[Ellee05]

Sorry for your loss of Hayden. I hope you find the strength and support on BB as I'm sure you will.

Much love to you and your family. RIP Hayden.