Teach them not to touch OR put them away? (oh and a vent)

[AliBaby]

Apologies for this being long but its kind of a question and a vent.


Interested to know what everyone thinks about breakables or as I call them "pretties"!

I am trying to teach DD about not touching certain things that are breakable or expensive.

For example, the tv - if she goes near it I say "No Dont touch" Then I tell her its a pretty. (I wanted to give her a word that she will then associate with things that are pretty but are look and dont touch). She has learnt and doesnt touch the TV.

I am doing this as there are some things that you just cant put away. I have a big glass vase (the type that sit on the floor) with decorative sticks with shiny things on them (sorry for bad explanation). She used to be very attracted to this but with some consistent effort of me saying, "No dont touch, its a pretty", moving her away, she now goes no where near it even though its in the lounge room where she could each day. The same with photo frames, etc.

She has a book shelf in her room and down the bottom shelf are her toys, the next shelf up are her books and the top two shelves that are out of her reach are her "pretties". We look at them and I say the same thing "Pretty, dont touch" and she shakes her head for no touching (Quite cute).

If you got this far

So this brings me to today,

MIL looking after DD. I sometimes wonder about MIL and where her head is but anyway, I was so upset when I got home today to her telling me how DD's beautiful bobbleart snowglobe that she got from her Aunty a week ago for her birthday was broken. Its glass and it smashed everywhere.

I didnt understand how this could happen as its up on the 2nd top shelf pushed to the back and there is no way she could get it down.

So MIL changes the story and says DD was reaching for it so she got it down for her and showed her how the snow falls in it and then put it on the floor for her to play with. (Because thats a great idea to give a 12mth old a glass object to play with). So DD picks it up and throws it and it smashes, glass and water and the snow stuff going everywhere on the wooden floor boards in her room!

I dont know what I am more upset and cranky about. That MIL gives my DD a glass object to play with or the fact that it broke.

So anyway MIL writes me an email just now saying sorry again about it as I think she could tell from my reaction that I wasnt impressed but then says in her message,

"Again I am so sorry about the breakage to-day- I feel I am really very aware & looking all the time for possible “dangers” & I am very nervous if anything breakable is in DD's reach"

How is giving my DD a glass object being aware of possible dangers? Arrrrh I dont know. I amprobably over reacting and have gone off topic with my venting.

Anyway my main purpose of this thread is to ask,
Am I being silly teaching DD not to touch breakables
OR
Should I just put them away out of sight or stop her from going out of sight where she could be getting into breakables.

[BrightSparkles]

Like you the big things we've taught DD no don't touch.. but the smaller things I've packed up and put away for now.

And No... you're not being silly.

[Arimeh]

OOOh nasty breakage!!

Here is my take on it. I don't child proof my house. I teach the kids that they can't touch stuff that is fragile, I just tell them its fragile or if its glass, I tell them its glass.

If they keep on touching it (which hardly ever happens, usually a couple of no's is enough and they stop whatever they are doing) I remove them from the situation, not the object. My thinking is that I can't expect every other person in the world to childproof their houses, especially if they don't have children, so I should teach my children to not touch these things (or listen when I say no) so then I know they will be ok at other people's houses.

Whereas in comparison - my sister childproofs her house, she has locks on drawers everywhere, and when her children were little (and I didn't have any) she got up ME when they came to my house and was touching my stuff - because I didn't child proof my house. Well - why should I? I don't have any children! So because I felt that way, I don't expect anyone to childproof their houses for my children.

So long story short - I don't move stuff.

[BhoysGirl]

For me, it's a combination of both. I think that it's great that you're teaching her not to touch things, and giving it a particular phrase is a good idea. For me, it's important that children learn that not everything is fair game for their entertainment, it's a "respect for others" kinda thing. But at the same time, I know I have an occasionally very inquisitive boy, so there are certain things that will always be better put well out of temptation until he's older or well supervised, although it sounds like that's what you'd done with the snowglobe....

[AliBaby]

Thanks girls

Mel- that is exactly how I feel. I shouldnt expect others to baby proof their house if we visit.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I've seen both styles of parenting and both can work. I do a bit of both. The REALLY nice stuff is out of sight, let alone out of reach. The nice but cheapy and not sentimental stuff (and not easy to break!) is in sight and DS can reach these things now. I don't mind him touching IF he asks and we do it together. For the most part I tell him that we look with our eyes, not with our hands. But by letting him touch, supervised, he learns that these "toys" are pretty but boring. You can't build with them. They aren't magnetic. They don't make a noise. Mamma tells you not to put them in your mouth or throw them. Dull. Ignore them.

He is also keen on ownership, so although my things are often lying around, a good way of teaching DS was saying "that's Mamma's phone, would you like your phone?" then swapping them. He knows he doesn't touch my phone now: well, not unless we're out, he's bored and goes through my bag. Then he sits on my knee to play with it (so he doesn't call anyone!). Actually, he's REALLY good with not touching if I tell him it belongs to me or DH. And he doesn't go in cupboards unless he's getting food or putting things away. He does touch some of my books, but only those with bubbles on the cover. He loves reading cleaning books LMAO.

Mum childproofs for him a bit, but not so much any more. He is WAY more likely to attack the fruit bowl than her pretties. Actually, he loves Grandma's antimacassars... but weren't those designed as childproofing tools in the first place?

[AliBaby]

Thanks LZ. When did you start teaching him?

[fionas]

I can see both sides. I think what you're doing is fantastic - it works for you (it hasn't worked for me BTW, I just think some kids are good at not touching and some aren't and mine most definitely isn't).

However, I think MIL was just doing what grandmas do. DD wanted to play with something - instead of saying no, MIL thought 'oh we'll be careful, why not.' She probably just didn't want DD to be upset at a no. That's what grandparents do - they indulge their grandkids and they're not always completely sensible. So I'd cut her a bit of slack.

If I was in her shoes, I'd be nervous too because at the end of the day, I'm in someone else's house with breakable stuff and I have cute, adorable DD to look after who wants to play with the breakable stuff and I don't know how to say no.

So I think I'd give MIL a couple of options - tell her that you're fine with her telling DD no or if she feels nervous about potential tantrums/breakages, then offer to put them out of the way the next time she's over.

No-one's being silly here, everyone's just finding their way. Bound to be a couple of hurdles along the way but it sounds like things are generally going great!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I started pretty much from birth. There are no precious things ground level. So by the time he was walking, he was too small to reach the mantlepiece so that wasn't a fuss. When he could, and when he could climb to reach the bookshelf in the sitting room, he was able to understand that not everything gets thrown.

BUT he was also a bit of an attached child (his choice!) so he could see these things. If he asked to see them, I would pick it up and remind him that it wasn't a toy before letting him touch. Like knives: he can help me cut things ONLY when I know it's safe. We have safe knives that won't hurt him, but I still do knife safety every time as sometimes he does use sharper objects (such as the apple wedger) that he needs to be careful with.

[briggsy's girl]

we're (trying) to do what LZ does - move the obvious stuff out of the way, and then teaching her what is and isn't ok to play with. she is fascinated by the phone - i let her talk on it when i'm talking to daddy or granma, but i always hold it and tell her it's mummy's phone. she likes to look at candle holders - so we look, but tell her they are not for her. we are trying to teach her that she can't have everything just because it appeals to her! having said that, it's taking a lt of teaching - she is a stubborn wench

i think i'd be upset with the grandmother in the OP - no matter how much the baby wanted something - there are things that are ok to show, things that are ok to touch - and some things that are simply TOO dangerous. the snowglobe was up, out of reach. ALL one year olds want to touch things - it doesn't mean it's right. there are so many ways to distract babies.

talk to your MIL. this episode is been and done now - you can't change it - but you can use it as a building block to set limits that she can abide by. make it clear - safety comes first. if something is out of reach, it's out of reach for a reason. if it's dangerous, it doesn't matter how much the baby wants it - she needs to distract her. hopefully you will be able to find out where the snowglobe was purchased and she may be able to replace it. it won't be the same as the original - but it's a thought...

[Stevie]

awe (im very sad about the broken snow globe )

i have to say, i really likeyour idea about not touching "pretties" and i honestly think i will start this with DD (she isnt moving around yet so i still have some time)
DH thinks the same thing as CL, he cant se why we should have to move everything, when we should be able to teach out child not to touch, so we will be doing this also.

I think your MIL was very on the wrong and you have every right so be mad at her. How is it a danger is she physically cant get to it? and it only became a danger when MIL GAVE it to your DD...

i know i wasnt any help, im sorry lol.

[Purple Penguin]

I taught my DD not to touch things, however the majority of our breakables are up out of reach anyway. My sister on the other hand put everything away so her DS wouldn't touch them, sure made it fun when she brought him over to my house...i think she regretted not listening to me after a while... lol... i'd tell her to make sure he didn't touch anything he wasn't meant to, which really annoyed her, but she soon learned that it was the same everywhere she went. Like was said earlier, you can't expect everyone to babyproof their houses just because that's what you do.

I will teach my DD#2 not to touch as well.

[Rouge]

We subscribe to the don't touch theory. It is more exhausting for the parent but I think it's more rewarding because when you go elsewhere that isn't child friendly your children will listen and you can enjoy yourself more, rather than being on top of them 100% of the time. It is hard initially but it's definitely worth it

[littlebear]

I don't think your being silly at all! I think it's better to teach children not to touch things rather than just removing everything they could touch. I'm sure it takes a while to get to the point where they will listen and not touch things, but surely it's worth it, especially say in the shops where they might possibly break something!

And I won't expect people to baby proof their houses either. My baby, my responsibility.

I do sort of agree with cutting your MIL a bit of slack, she probably was a bit scared of a tantrum for saying no, i would be. But still, it's glass! That's a hard one! Sorry i haven't really helped

[Inertia]

Ali, I think you have done an absolutely fabulous job in teaching your baby girl about pretties and how not to touch.

Not even thinking from going to someone elses place, but just going shopping could get extremely expensive - and messy - if we do not teach our child these things.

That said, I do put the stuff I simply cannot afford to replace out of reach. There is always a learning curve and you work with that within your budget and within the realms of safety.

What your MIL did however is crazy! She has already admitted it was out of reach for your DD and she gave it to her! I'd be most annoyed that she gave a 1yo a fragile chunk of dangerous glass to play with! Who in their right mind does that???

[Inanna]

I have always had things that are out of bounds! Like Camme-Lot I had experience with kids who weren't taught not to touch... I had lots of friends with kids before me & some had no concept of respecting other peoples things...

I say "it's special to me", "it breaks easily as it's glass"...etc etc... I've done this with all five of my kids. Like Rouge said it's exhausting and very repetitive and for a while it seems like it's not going to work but eventually I found I had little people who I could take out and would listen to "please don't touch it's special to xyz"... I have a friend who doesnt' teach this and it's so hard to have her and her kids over. They break so much... It's not their fault - it's just that they're not taught no! It's part of exploring boundaries & learning about what's acceptable behaviour. It's normal for them to want to push the boundaries. Immy is harder than the others - probably due to her developmental issues... But still she gets it - but needs more coaxing...

I think it wasn't a bright idea to give your daughter the glass globe - but I do get why she might have. Sometimes when you're a Gran it's hard to say no. She must feel a bit sheepish about it since she emailed you etc. I'd just roll with it. It's gone now and passed - but maybe explain the things on those shelves aren't for playing with as you'e trying to preserve them for posterity! If she keeps playing with them they will all have the same fate as the glass ball... xxxx

[beckoes]

For us i moved stuff untill DD was about 12 months, then when she could understand and react to no, dont touch, i taught her that, and she doesnt touch the stuff...like power points etc. before 12 months it was just pointless and a constant...dont touch dont touch with out actually stopping her touching!!!

As for your MIL.....silly, bad judgment call, just cause she was reaching for it is no excuse to give a child a fragile glass object!!! maybe just point out that if its our of her reach in the first place there is probably a good reason for that!! hugs

[{sarah}]

We subscribe to the don't touch theory. It is more exhausting for the parent but I think it's more rewarding because when you go elsewhere that isn't child friendly your children will listen and you can enjoy yourself more, rather than being on top of them 100% of the time. It is hard initially but it's definitely worth it

Ditto to all of what Rouge says It is very hard, but in the long run so worth it. For example, I can leave candles burning on my dining table with both kids (5yo & 22m) drawing there & not be worried about them touching.

I'd be very cross if someone gave either of my kids something valuable like the snow globe without adequate supervision too. My DD has a swarovski Tinkerbell which is up high on a shelf in her room. Every now & then we get it down & she is allowed to sit on the floor & hold it to have a look. She knows to be gentle, but I sit very close just in case she forgets.