Teaching toddlers about stranger danger?

[[M]umma[M]ia]

My 17 month old DD is worrying me at the moment. For the past.. mayb 2 months she will more than happily go up to a stranger and ask to be picked up or a cuddle etc. I dont like this. But as much as i try and discourage her, she will still do it. For instance, there was a lady in front of me at the checkout today, and she walked up to her and started hugging her leg (and she knew it wasnt me) and when they lady looked down at her DD put her arms up and said "up"... ofcourse i was watching her and didnt let the picking up happen. But what can i do? She doesnt understand the dangers associated, shes still a baby. But it scares me. I just assumed all kids didnt like strangers? Is it a "stage" they go through?

[kirsty_lee]

I have no idea hun. Ava's always been a "hello" type of kid to anyone and everyone. But shes never asked to be picked up. Pretty sure she'd have a spaz if some random person tried that. We've got close friends who she still isn't sure about that she won't let pick her up.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

My niece used to be like that. What we did was we said some people dont like being hugged, and that we dont go up to people we dont know. It did back fire she didnt trust any new person she met. Id just hate for your little girl to go up to the wrong person. So im sorry that i dont have any real advice. Maybe she will grow out of it.

[Mother Goose]

DD was like that - we constantly repeated to her that hugs (and kisses) are only for Mummy, Daddy, and good friends. If we saw her going over to someone we didn't know, we'd remind her to only say hello "DD, you can say hello but come straight back please" which she has always done. It was a big concern for me because DD would gravitate towards men. These days she is very good. She will shelter behind or next to me if someone approaches her; she will look to me for an ok to interact with someone, she only hugs people she knows.

Oh, something I did on the occassions DD would hug strangers was say "DD that was a nice hug, but remember, we only hug family and good friends". I know this was upsetting to a couple of people who received the hug, but I'm afraid that teaching my daughter to be safe is more important (to me) than sparing a strangers feelings.

HTH

MG

[Santosha]

Not sure whether this would be too much for a 17 month old to grasp, but it might help to start and repeat a few times as she'll catch on when she gets a bit older.

This is what we do with kids at my work (children with developmental disabilities) to teach them about boundaries, strangers etc. and I think it's a great lesson for all kids.

Get a big sheet of paper and draw on a big circle. This is your "circle of friends". Inside the circle, paste pictures of family and close friends. These are the people we can cuddle and kiss. Outside the circle, paste pics of 'strangers' - cut outs from magazines etc. These are the people we can wave to and say hello but we don't give them a cuddle.

When you're out and about, point out people... "are they in our circle? No. No cuddles but we can say "hi!". When you're at Grandma's house... "is Grandma in our circle? Yes!! We can give her a big cuddle!"

You can make this more complex as the child gets older. Have a couple of concentric circles - inner circle is for people we are very close to and we can touch, cuddle and talk to when we're sad....
The next circle out is for shop-keepers, police, teachers etc. These are the people we can ask for help or have a little chat to when we see them.
Outside the circle are strangers. These are the people we don't talk to. Sometimes we say hi or smile. It's safe to talk to them if Mummy or Daddy is talking to them.

You can also to this exercise with hoops on circles on the floor and get the child to place the photos where they belong which makes it a bit more interactive and flexible - eg. we didn't know this person before, she was a stranger. Now she is our friend... (but this level is obviously for older kids).

HTH.

BTW, it might be a bit scary and inappropriate, but I can't help but think your little one is a sweetheart for wanting to share the love with everyone!