I always felt supported by Shel with Jazzy and my breastfeeding journey, but recently she's just changed.
She's started making comments that are hurting, like when I get home from work and Jazz wants me to feed her and I sit down to feed her and Shel says "Oh Jazz what do you want THAT for" and "Oh she never wants THAT when you're not here" and etc. Just little comments that my SIL always made from when Jazz was pretty young but I always ignored because my SIL didn't breastfeed so didn't really understand breastfeeding beyond 6 weeks....
Just things like saying she's too old and I made a comment after I saw a toddler formula add about how they were such a rip off and toddlers don't need it, and she just said, "Well Jazz doesn't need breastfeeding and you still do it"
She also makes comments about "When will you 'dry up' already"
Jazz has weaned herself from feeding to sleep, which is nice for me. I know I've said I don't want to feed Jazz during the day as she just gets irritating because she comes to me every hour, but I don't want horrible comments.
I keep saying that 2 years is a good time, WHO recommends 2 years, and she's got all the facts, but I think she's made her own mind up about it, she's decided Jazz should wean. I can see how mums wouldn't breastfeed for long without supportive partners. Shel was always great but something seems to have changed.
We were always in partnership about Jazz weaning herself but I guess where I was leaving the timeline open for Jazz to decide, Shel must have had her own 'timeline' on it, thats what it seems like anyway.
Needing some hugs and also some advice from others. Has anyone had their partners change attitudes halfway through. Gosh, I'm I even insinuated that our breastfeeding hourney was only halfway I'm sure Shel would end up locking me in a room on my own until I "dried up"
I'm sorry that you're in this situation Leasha I don't have any advice because I've not been there but maybe Shel experiencing more of a hands-on Mum role is making her a little envious of what the two of you have?
Oh, I'm sorry you're feeling that way Leash.
I think it's about her and her relationship with Jazz, rather than you or the breastfeeding per se.
Have you talked about this? Probably she doesn't realise it's hurtful.
We've got your back if you need support anyway
Huge hugs Leash. I do know how you feel, just recently my DH decided that our DD and I didn’t need to BF anymore. He made a couple of little comments but I very quickly and emphatically put them in their place, so there’s been no more since. So my advice is to take it to Shell. I immediately showed my DH how upset and angry I was and how completely unreasonable and unsupportive he was, and threw in some WHO advice for good measure.
Hugs hun DH is not supportive of me still feeding DS1 now, he gives me strange looks when he feeds (doesn't say anything now but has in past). Before DS2 was born he said to me that I need to stop feeding DS1 before he is 2 as it is not neccessary and DS2 was on the way grrr.
I am also irratated at times with DS1 feeding so often and have said no a few times lately.
I am starting to get comments from friends about weaning myself off breastfeeding! It also seems to get blamed for every issue I have wrt sleep or fatigue(as does cosleeping of course!)
its so hard when people don't get breastfeeding. That it's normal, natural and part of our ethos.
Leasha. It must be hard to have such outright comments like that. My dh is not terribly supportive of me bfing either. He's made a few small comments like the Why do you want that Liam?!' or 'You're getting too big for that Liam!' when I get home from work and DS leaps on me. But nothing too major. Though just the other day I asked him to take a piccie of us having a feed and he was incredulous! 'Take a photo of you!!! Why??!' It was kinda funny at the time but when I though about it, well...
I don't really tell any friends or family I am still bfing DS. Although he's only 20mths old and still a baby, noone really understands. Many are less informed than us, though for you I daresay Shel would be just as informed as you are?
I guess I have no advice other than be upfront with her and tell her how it makes you feel when she says those things about yours and Jaz's bfing. It's not harming Shel in any way, why would it bother her so much?
It must hurt a bit for Shel too - she can do everything you can with Jazz except this one thing, and Jazz is doing her best to rub it in!
Make sure that you give Jazz a big cuddle, then give Shel a big cuddle and then think about feeding when you get home. We got to the stage where I would get home from work and a little voice would pipe up "Hello booboos" and get very surly about me even putting my bag away before feeding him....
I'm in a similar situation with DS
DP was so fantastic in the early days and within the first two years and then little comments started to happen like 'just don't feed overnight', as if I could make that a reality all by myself (cos he wasn't that willing to put in the hours overnight to distract DS from me!), and as if it was just an element of my parenting that I could switch off.
When it comes down to it, if they're not the ones BFing they're not getting that hormonal exchange that tells you it's still 'right' to do it.
When DS says he wants Babu, DP will say he doesn't, or if I've heard him ask for it and I tell DP (as in, if he's asked me to do something else and hasn't heard the request) he'll say "he doesn't want it"...as if 'needing for survival' is important and 'needing for reassurance' is invalid for a nearly 4yo. I'd rather trust the kid - for whatever reason, he needs it. And we're going through some life changes ATM (moving house and have moved temporarily into MiL's), so if DS wants Babu, he's gonna get it.
The complicating factor here is that DS has been careless with his teeth - he rests them and leaves teeth marks that hurt, so then DP must think he's helping me when he tells DS not to have Babu or tells me to wean him So, I either vent and say that DS's teeth actually bring me to feel anger (and I would like to just talk through this feeling, rather than get stopped at the first sentence with "well, just wean him") or I sit on it and talk about it at the next opportunity with my booby friends (my mates who also happen to be in my local ABA group), and by the time that happens I'm ready to be jokey about it and am not in the headspace to have a mini-counselling/support session. The thing that sucks (pardon the pun) is that right at the moment we need to vent the only person around is that person who would rather see us wean and they exploit the opportunity to push their barrow, instead of backing us up and being our soft place to land
I'm not glad to know you're in a similar boat, but I hope you don't now feel like you're the only one who's found herself alone on the bandwagon
My DP was never as directly unsupportive, but he did start to make comments about 'when do you think she'll wean?', etc, and that was enough!
I would point out the advantages of her continuing to bf. DD bf until almost four and it brought us huge advantages in terms of her not getting sick. She's the only child at preschool whose never seen the doctor for illness, ever. Her first day off for illness was two weeks after weaning - not a coincidence I don't think!
If Shel knows you are committed to following Jazz's need and value both what bfing gives her in terms of your bond with her and the physical benefits to Jazz, perhaps she will back off? I'd also explain that you find those comments really hurtful, since you're still adjusting to not caring for Jazz as much as you used to and being able to bf her when you come home makes you feel as though you are still important in her life.
I'm sorry that you're feeling unsupported at home... Just keep reminding yourself that you have a whole community of people here that understand that you just want the best for your little Jazzy, and hope that Shell will get the message at some point soon that her comments are not going to have the effect she hoped, that they are simply hurtful.
Reply With QuoteI don't have any advice because I've not been there but maybe Shel experiencing more of a hands-on Mum role is making her a little envious of what the two of you have?
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
Feeling sad about being unsupported
and some more hugs.
we are all here for you.
So, I either vent and say that DS's teeth actually bring me to feel anger (and I would like to just talk through this feeling, rather than get stopped at the first sentence with "well, just wean him") or I sit on it and talk about it at the next opportunity with my booby friends (my mates who also happen to be in my local ABA group), and by the time that happens I'm ready to be jokey about it and am not in the headspace to have a mini-counselling/support session. The thing that sucks (pardon the pun) is that right at the moment we need to vent the only person around is that person who would rather see us wean and they exploit the opportunity to push their barrow, instead of backing us up and being our soft place to land
Bookmarks