Toddler rules

[SammyRo]

A friend of mine sent me an email with the following - thought I'd share it

Toddler Rules

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with or into at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, wall, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is pram, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mummy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mummy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth (or ear).
If it has a tap, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk into it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mummy, it must be hugged very very tightly... every hour!
I am toddler, hear me!

[rufalina]

Lol good one. Thanks

[Arimeh]

Hahahaha!!! Ahhhhh I found myself nodding along - especially the if it does not open it must be screamed at - -gawd we've had a shocker of a morning here with tantrums and screaming!!!!

Thanks for posting it

[~clover~]

lmao...just one I'll add... if its spilt, it must be rolled in!

[Laranna]

hahaha...had a good giggle at that especially if it doesn't opened it must be screamed at...exactly what DS does!

Thanks for sharing

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

If Mummy makes just 0.1% of the mess I do, I must tell her that she made a mess. A terrible mess.

I am literally laughing aloud. DH has smiled at these too now.

[kirsty_lee]

hahaha I was so reading that thinking 'ava did you write this? hahahah good stuff

[Apes23]

LOVE IT! So true

[cheekyfrog]

Printing out and keeping. Thanks!

[mellys bubby belly]

Love it, love it!!!

Have printed out a copy for me AND my mum (who looks after my DD once a week) to stick on the fridge...laughter helps to keep us sane as they say, lol

[feeb]

Haha love it!!

About to copy and email to DH and some friends