My son has been really 'fussy' at his afternoon/evening feeds for almost six weeks and I am almost at the end of my patience. He feeds, pulls off, screams, goes on, pulls off, screams, etc etc. I know this is a common problem but now it seems to be spreading to his other feeds as well and I am at the point of giving up and putting him on the bottle.
At the moment I manage the problem by putting a dummy in his mouth as soon as he starts to cry/scream, let him calm down, and then put him back on again. This technique works fairly well, and I usually manage to get a fair bit into him, but this situation can't go on forever.
Hi,
It is a very stressful time of the day - aresnic hour(it would be great if it *was* just an hour - but it goes on for a number of hours, often. This isn't the news you wanted - but it is normal baby behaviour. I take the 6-10pm helpline shift on a Friday night and the calls are wall to wall identical to yours. Our human circadean rhythms are at a low at that time of the day - we are least able to "cope" and are at our scratchiest and most irritable. This is basically true of all ages and however we feed. babies are irritable and fuss and cry. Mothers are fragile and "crack" easily. Toddlers whine incessantly. School kids "want want want" from the minute they get home from school until dinnertime. Teenagers emply the fridge and pantry when they get home from school.
It's something we need to learn strategies to deal with, because it can take some time to go away.
Firstly, I wonder, how many feeds does your baby have in 24 hours? What have weight gains been like? Tell me how many wet and dirty nappies he usually has?
Often, it seems obvious that we need to change babys' routine - but it works best if we mothers tweak our own routine. Use the relatively calm mornings, when babies have a long sleep to prepare dinner - peel the vegies, prepare the casserole so you can just shove it in the oven at the appointed time. I know it sounds like some "how to be a domestic goddess" book from the 50's - but it works! Make sure you have a substantial and healthy snack and several large glasses of water mid afternoon. Nothing about making milk - your body does that the same 24/7 - but about avoiding dehydration and low blood sugars for you. A cup of soup, toast, sandwiches, fruit, noodles, crackers and cheese are all good choices. Flick something *reasonable* on TV and relax, and be prepared to "go with" the cluster of feeds your baby is wanting at that time - feeding is much preferable to using the dummy to string out feeds - your baby is putting in the order for tomorrow's milk supply - the more he feeds the more you make.
When that gets too much, a bath for baby, or both of you is great (don't try the mum/baby bath alone!) A baby sling is indespensible - they will always settle in the sling. Don't hold out for the ideal of having a "baby free" dinner with your partner - get tea on the table - you will both learn to eat whilst eating with a fork in one hand and cuddling a baby.
It helps a lot knowing you are not alone and it is normal, but we all feel for you - we've been there.
Hi. I appreciate your info and support on this but the problem is not just in the evening.
At the moment he is on a 4 hourly feed routine which varies a little dependent upon what time his first feed of the day is.
Today he fed well at 2am and 6.30am. I would normally feed him again at 10:30am but because I wanted to go out I tried to feed him a little earlier at 9.30am - which he refused. I attributed this refusal to him being tired so I delayed going out and put him to bed. He slept for about an hour and I tried again at 10:30 when he woke. He fed for about 5 min before refusing. I then put him in the pram and we went out where he slept from about 11:00 to 1pm, when I tried to feed him again. He refused this feed as well and cried and fussed until we got home at about 2pm when he fed reasonably well for about 15 minutes before refusing anymore. And so it goes on...
It is even more frustrating because up until 6 weeks ago he fed really well.
Hun, it sounds like you are having a really rough time I wonder, is there a reason that you are feeding 4 hourly? For many babies that doesn't work well, and for many mums it isn't enough to maintain a good milk supply. Milk supply works on supply and demand - the more frequently you feed, the more milk you make. Many 11 week old babies would be having 8 - 12 feeds in 24 hours.
How many wet nappies would you say he has in 24 hours? And how many dirty nappies? This can be a big clue as to what is going on.
I am on four hourly feeds because I was following the Tizzie Hall schedule recommended for this age bracket. Though having said that, I have not been following her regime to the letter as when he calls for extra feeds in the afternoon then I give them to him.
But I don't think it is my milk supply that is this issue as he cries and pulls off even when I have full breasts in the morning. I have also tried expressing a little before feeding him, just to make sure that it wasn't the let down that was causing it. This didn't work either.
But as I said, it is not every feed. Sometimes it is in the morning, sometimes not. It is every evening though and does seem to be getting worse.
Hi,
Routines such as Tizzie Hall's routines are not really compatible with normal human physiology. Most adults don't feed 4 hoursly. After all, we are to eat 3 meals, most of us have 2-3 snacks and *they* tell us to have 6-8 glasses of water a day. Breastmilk is all a baby has to eat and drink, and they have to double their birthweight in the first 6mnths. Babies have small tummies, and need to be held, cuddled and most will want to feed 8-12 times per day. It's tough going, but the oxytocin burst we get when we feed helps we mothers cope with mothering a whole lot more easily. Sadly, routines like these set mothers up for failure. Have you had a look at ABA's "Breastfeeding Naturally"? It's a much more gentle and realistic guide to baby behaviour - based on the lived experience of mothers who have been there and done that, and grounded in understanding of infant physiology
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How long does this go on for!!
I wonder, is there a reason that you are feeding 4 hourly? For many babies that doesn't work well, and for many mums it isn't enough to maintain a good milk supply. Milk supply works on supply and demand - the more frequently you feed, the more milk you make. Many 11 week old babies would be having 8 - 12 feeds in 24 hours.
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