OK, so just to make things clear I do NOT want advice on whether DSD moving out is a good idea or not. DP and I have discussed it at length and have decided that if she wants to give it a shot then we will not stand in her way but will make it clear to her that we will always have room for her at home if things don't work out. We actually think that she needs to give it a shot and it may be best for her to learn a bit about taking responsibility in terms of having a job, paying bills, renting a place.
So, my question is more around how feasible will it be for her to rent a place? I don't like her chances. The Melbourne rental market is notoriously tight and I can't see an agent renting a place to a 17yo with no work history (she's currently trying to find a job). I don't think she will get Centrelink payments because a)we're not actually kicking her out and b)we earn too much so she would still be seen as our responsibility.
I haven't spoken to her directly as yet but I'm thinking her best chance would be in a shared house rather than taking on a lease in her name.
For others with teenagers who've moved out, where did they end up living and how difficult was it for them to find a place?
I would say a share house would be the best option. Then she can see someone else wants her do her bit not just you guys IYKWIM. I agree her chances of getting a rental by herself are pretty slim.
No way known would she be able to afford it on her own in her current situation, let alone get a look in with the agents in the first place. Her best bet would be shared accommodation for sure. I was 19 when I first moved out of home and it was into share accommodation. I think it was good for me as opposed to being on my own right away because I was still able to have that independence, but it wasn't 100% my responsibility kwim? All the bills were shared so it made it more affordable and after 8 months I was ready to move out on my own and confident enough to handle all the bills myself etc.
Sorry, I forgot an important bit - she's looking at two bedroom apartments with a 19yo friend of hers who's a hairdresser. But hairdressers don't earn that much and 2br units around her are at least $300pw so I don't think her friend could just take the lease on in her name. Their other option, I guess, is to rent a 1br place with just the hairdresser's name on the lease.
But yep, I think a shared house is the most likely option.
Yeah - she can't sign a lease until she's 18.
She can always try sharing. It usually works out a bit cheaper but still also gives her the responsibility of budgeting, living on her own etc. I was the same age when I first moved out and it was one of the best experiences to do it this way as it made me look at the bigger picture.
So they definitely want to share a place together then? Perhaps they could both find share accommodation together somewhere? I can't see it working out if they share a 1br place for obvious reasons having to share with strangers helps a lot with the responsibility too because they wont take your crap like someone who knows you will kwim?
I haven't spoken to her yet - found out from DP about an hour ago. He spoke to her last night about shared houses and they (DSD and her mate) aren't keen on shared houses because "people nick your stuff". Oh, the irony after having all my toiletries raided
But yep, I think they're either going to have to do a 1br place as an interim measure with the mate going on the lease OR the two of them each find a room in the same shared house.
Good point about not being able to sign a lease until she's 18 - I'm not sure she knows that.
There's a few more options up our sleeve, none of them are great, but they ARE options nonetheless. I have a friend who has a spare room and who has offered to give it to DSD - potential to ruin a friendship there but we could maybe do it as a trial run all round. My BIL/SIL have a self-contained studio/bungalow at the back of their place too. They would try and interfere in DSD's life which to DSD would interfere with the whole idea of moving out which is to gain independence but again, could be an interim measure to let her prove she can hold down a job etc. and then at least if she's paying them rent, she could claim a rental history once she hits 18. She also has a 20yo cousin who has a good steady job history who may be interested in moving out closer to work.
Anyway, looking forward to the cloak and dagger stuff being over and being able to get all this out into the open. DP always has a stand back and see what happens approach whereas I see a situation and try to find a solution so if it's out in the open, I will actually try to help her not hinder her. As I said in my first post, I think she needs to give this a shot to learn a bit about life and taking responsibility.
Just a thought, I didn't move out til I was married, but I used to do a LOT of housesitting for friends and family. It was great, because I could move out and collect my sanity away from my big family, learn a bit about looking after myself re cooking and cleaning and just being on my own y'know? At one point I was away from home for 3 months, for a friend who went up north, and this included paying bills and feeding pets etc. Great learning curve with a timeline, like dipping my toe in.
Not sure if its a feasible option for you, just thought I'd put it out there
Absolutely right Lulu! It definitely has its pitfalls but I don't think their ideal scenario (2br unit on private lease) is doable. Remind me where your DD moved to - was it in with a mate or private rental?
Yeah, there is NO WAY she will get on a lease...tbh even if she was 18 I would doubt it with no work and no rental history. DF and I live in a share house currently (I'm 20 in a few days, DF is 20 in Dec). We lived in a flat together from 18, and it was a major pain in the bum finding somewhere that would take two kids with no rental history. Luckily DF and I both had solid working histories and were partnered, which I think helped.
Sharing a house is a good experience. It is probably suited to younger, less attached and less grounded people like your DSD rather than DF and I, but we need to save some money atm so it's a good option. We still found the market difficult, even with sharing. In fact, a lot of the time the price for a room in a share house was similar to a cheap 1 bedroom flat Does your DSD understand how expensive and huge a responsibility it is moving out? Another thing to consider money wise (you may have already) is going to Centrelink and getting an Unreasonable To Live At Home form. It's pretty much how it sounds, you fill it in saying why it is no longer feasable your DSD live with you anymore, she fills in the same, as does a third party. This will allow her to recieve the indipendant rate from Centrelink. For example, DF moved into a student shelter to escape his stepfather at 15. From 15 to now he recieved from Clink $370 pf, a huge amount compared to my $140 pf. We are both students etc, only difference is he moved out and separated from his mother whereas I stayed at home and was means tested. So that would be something to consider finacially if she is adamant on moving out and does not have a job.
I've lived in over 10 share houses in my time (even after I was married) so think I know a little more than DSD about the whole thing
I've been telling her for two years how expensive it is - rent, bond, bills, food etc. etc. but I think it will only sink in when she tries to do it. She's doing her research now but I want to try and save her wasted time by suggesting the 1br option (with friend going on the lease) or the shared house option.
Our next dilemma will be whether to actually financially help her. Initially, DP and I were of the same mind, thinking that if that's what you want to do then stand on your own two feet (like we both did - he moved out at 17 and I did at 18 with no financial support) BUT, like I keep saying, I think it will actually be good for her and teach her how important it is to go to school (otherwise your career options are limited) and how important it is to hold down a job (otherwise you have no money).
Dd initially moved in with a friend and friends mother. I found out within a few weeks it was actually a boarding house, so alerted the authorities that she was in potential danger and tapped in with a youth agency in the area. They arranged accomodation for her with a lead tenant in a supervised house. She is doing VCE and determined to stay at school and it was deemed in everyones best interests at the time. It has worked out very well as the house is practically next to the school. There would be nowhere else for her to go otherwise.
Your DD won't be eligible for this scenario though, as there are no 'family problems' iykwim. She won't be eligible for unreasonable to live at home UNLESS it's because you are moving more than 90 minutes from her school . I still think it goes on your income anyway so that's out for her. And you aren't kicking her out either, and she isn't at school anymore (?)
Thanks Lulu - that's interesting and really good to hear that your DD is going well.
I think by public transport our new house IS about 90 mins from her current school (not wanting to move school and move away from friends is THE major factor in wanting to move out). But if it goes on income, we'd probably be ineligible. But I'd better go see what the threshold is - the last time I checked I wasn't pregnant so I was basing it on two wages.
In theory, she's still at school but has had a lot of absences so it may get to the point where the school doesn't allow her to finish VCE - DP needs to discuss that with them. That's one of the reasons why I think moving out may be good for her. It's looking unlikely that she will finish school. If she wants to rent a place, she will HAVE to find a job. She won't find a job if she's living with us because it's too easy not to. And at least if she has a job, she will build up a work history and be more employable than if she carried on at school in a half-arsed way and came out with a crappy VCE result and no work history. If she stuffs up the job, she loses her rental place and her independence - a big incentive to get up and get her arse into work.
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17yo DSD Wants Rental Place - How Feasible?
having to share with strangers helps a lot with the responsibility too because they wont take your crap like someone who knows you will kwim?
Does your DSD understand how expensive and huge a responsibility it is moving out? Another thing to consider money wise (you may have already) is going to Centrelink and getting an Unreasonable To Live At Home form. It's pretty much how it sounds, you fill it in saying why it is no longer feasable your DSD live with you anymore, she fills in the same, as does a third party. This will allow her to recieve the indipendant rate from Centrelink. For example, DF moved into a student shelter to escape his stepfather at 15. From 15 to now he recieved from Clink $370 pf, a huge amount compared to my $140 pf. We are both students etc, only difference is he moved out and separated from his mother whereas I stayed at home and was means tested. So that would be something to consider finacially if she is adamant on moving out and does not have a job.
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