For those who went to single sex schools...

[*Ang*]

I have a few questions to ask please!

Where we currently live we have access to a number of great private highschools where we will be sending the children depending on them getting in of course!

My biggest dilemma is single sex vs co-ed. The 2 private single sex schools which we are considering and have enrolled the children in are great and have fantastic reputations, great facitilities and the feedback from other parents is so positive. Both DH and I went to co-ed schools.

So my questions are:

1) If you had siblings of an opposite sex did you find that by going to separate highschools it had a detrimental effect on your relationship or did it enhance your relationship not being in each others pockets? - I was an only child for most of my schooling life and have this fantasty vision in my head that my children would really look out for each other, support each other etc in high school and that going single sex would cease this.

2) Did you find that by separating the sexes it presented problems in the "outside/social" world... as in you felt more awkward around the opposite sex as you wern't used to interacting with them much as young adults?

3) Especially for the girls, being all girls was it a very "*****y" envrionment?

Any positive or negative feedback would be much appreciated especially from those of you who have been through single sex schooling! Thanks heaps.

[jackrose]

I posted a reply earlier then had to come back to format it a little - and then inadvertantly deleted part of the post so please excuse this if it is a bit disjointed, I am going to try to recreate what I had originally posted.

I went to a single sex school from prep to year 9 then we moved from the city to the country and the only option available was co-ed schooling, therefore I was in a co-ed school from year 10-12. Interestingly the school I moved to was single sex when I moved there but it amalgamated with the boys school when I was in year 10 so I have had a taste of both.

So in answer to your questions specifically and from my experience:

1) If you had siblings of an opposite sex did you find that by going to separate highschools it had a detrimental effect on your relationship or did it enhance your relationship not being in each others pockets? - I was an only child for most of my schooling life and have this fantasty vision in my head that my children would really look out for each other, support each other etc in high school and that going single sex would cease this.
I am the only girl in my family with three brothers so I didn't have a sibling at school with me in my early schooling. I never noticed a missing sibling at school but I did have a cousin in my class and this was nice! With regards to my brothers, they all went to the same school and in their case, it was absolutely detrimental. My older brother carried on his teasing of my middle brother from home at school and made his time at school a total misery. He had boys from two years above him teasing him with my older brother and then the boys in his class joined in. Your fantasy was definitely not the reality in this case!

Then when we moved to the country, mum and dad decided to send us to schools to suit our personality rather than just the one school - just because. My middle brother and I went to the same private school and my older and younger brothers went to the local high school. This was mainly because the school size, ethos, principal and discipline approach suited us better at one school or another. It was nice to have my brother at my school theoretically but in reality I never saw him as we were at different campuses. For my other two brothers, I think for my younger brother he had to deal with that whole "Oh, so you are x's brother are you??" and had to live down my older brother's reputation (he was a bit 'naughty') It can be hard for a sibling to live in a shadow of another and I think sometimes teachers can be influenced in small ways by past experiences of particular students. No-one wants to hear something like "you are not as good at this as your brother/sister" or "hope you are better behaved than your sibling - I'd better keep an eye on you".

So I would say from my family's experience it was better to not be in each other's pockets.

2) Did you find that by separating the sexes it presented problems in the "outside/social" world... as in you felt more awkward around the opposite sex as you wern't used to interacting with them much as young adults?
I didn't have a problem in this way, nor did my brothers and I think this has more to do with having siblings of the opposite sex close in age so we got plenty of opportunity to feel comfortable with each other. I think it has to do with parenting too. There certainly were girls at my school who were used to being single sex and then had real issues with the co-ed mix. I was often amazed at how little they understood about males, how overwhelmed they were by them and by how awkward or silly they were. The same could be said for a small population of the boys. I noticed it was often the over-protected girls who were the worst, those who seemed to have parents hell bent on holding on to their children and not encouraging them to grow up IYKWIM.

3) Especially for the girls, being all girls was it a very "*****y" envrionment?
I would in my experience the b-y environment was not really much less at the co-ed school but there was a bit more masculine cruel bullying thrown in and a bit of inappropriate sexualisation of teasing at times which I never experienced in all girl environments.

Finally, it is worth considering the theories that girls can be less inclined to excel academically in co-ed schools. I am not sure how true that is but I have often heard it thrown about as a reason to keep girls in single sex schools.

Hope that all makes sense!

[STARRYSKY]

I went to co ed private till year 4, then co ed public till year 6, private all girls school till year 10.(with a year of co ed private school chucked in there when we moved to Darwin!) For me personally I loved the all girls school, I have 3 younger brothers who all remained at the co ed public school, then continued on to co ed public highschool, my mother is of the belief that boys do better with co ed education, whereas girls tend to excell in a single sex environment.
I think, high school is highschool, kwim? there are always gonna be *****es, I dont think it was any more than there was at the co ed one, the level of respect for teachers was very high at the all girls school, was a total eye opener for me going to the co ed one in Darwin, the teachers never had any time for the students as they were constantly trying to stop the troublemakers from shenanigans. (99% of them the boys)
I do feel though that at the all girls school there was a higher element of "boy craziness" due to them not being so accessible itms?

[Manhattan]

Hi Ang, both me and my brothers went to single sex schools, and here are my thoughts:

1. Honestly, as a kid I never thought about it. We caught the same bus to and from school, and we were together after school and on weekends. Still very close to my brothers, so I dont think it was detrimental to our relationship at all.

2. I think as a teenage girl, you always feel awkward, no matter who you are around (or was that just me??? ). Just because you go to a singel sex school doesnt mean you dont ever get to interact with the opposite sex. I got to hang out with boys on the bus, waiting for the bus, before and after school. My school also had a brother/sister school we did activities with such as learn to dance, and the formal and also stage productions etc. So plenty of time for interaction!

3. I think it depends on the girls. There are cliques at all girls schools, and at co ed schools. I loved my high school experience, and honestly couldnt imagine what it would be like to go to a co ed school now.

Hope that in some way helps with your decision

[tattoo_mama]

i went to a public primary school then an all girls high school.
i guess i hated it caus all my friends went to the local public school, my brother went to a special ed school so not sure about the sibling thing but my little sister going to the same school (she was yr 8 when i was yr 12) drove me nuts!!! (later on i found out it annoyed her too caus i was a terrible student and as soon as they saw the surname they were like , oh no another one!!)

i still hung out with my public school friends on weekends but i could see the girls who had been there since primary school were really 'boy crazy' and a bit OTT when they went to parties and stuff caus they never got to see guys!

it was very *****y but i think it was better than having to put on makeup and look hot everyday like my friends at public school did....more than anything going to an all girls school has made me realise there are alot of naive spoilt brats out there who wouldnt know what hit them if you took away thier money and daddys ferrari....

saying all this, i never went to a public high school so i cant compare, in hindsight it was an excellent education, but when u think about it all teenagers hate high school so if you have the money send them to a reputable school!!!

sorry if this is too harsh lol

[Lulu]

I would prefer single sex high schools for my kids.

I went to both - girls-only first. I loved it and there were no problems with social aspects at all. I second what the others have said.

Went I went to a co-ed in Yr 11, I couldn't believe the amount of cattiness going on. The BF/GF crapola *rolleyes. It felt like a huge distraction and a whole stupid aspect I never had to bother with at the girls school.

[Glamourcide]

1) If you had siblings of an opposite sex did you find that by going to separate highschools it had a detrimental effect on your relationship or did it enhance your relationship not being in each others pockets? - I was an only child for most of my schooling life and have this fantasty vision in my head that my children would really look out for each other, support each other etc in high school and that going single sex would cease this.

I went to co-ed primary and secondary schools for the entire 12 years, but just wanted to stick my head in regarding the sibling question as I thought you might be interested. My little brother and I attended the same schools and to be honest, apart from the first six or so weeks of my brother starting grade 1 (when I used to go down to his classroom at lunchtime and hang out with him as I was worried about him adjusting, eventually his teacher told me ever-so-kindly to go away and let him make his own friends), we had nothing to do with each other. By the time he started high school (I was in year 11 by then), the only time I saw him during school hours was when he'd come chasing me for tuckshop money. I never knew what he was up to, nor did he know what I was doing... the whole 'sticking up for each other' and what not didn't happen for us at all - we'd only find out that he got in a fight, or my boyfriend had publicly humiliated me by dumping me in front of all his mates etc, at 3:15 when we got home, kwim?
HTH

[*Ang*]

Thanks everyone for the replies, it has certainly given me some food for thought.

I suppose cause I was so "lonely" at school from a family perspective - no siblings, cousins or family friends/neighbours, that I really dont want that for my kids and I was/am concerned that that would happen if they went single sex...but by all accounts it wouldnt matter where they went it sounds like siblings dont really "hang" with each other anyway!!!

My DH had already said that anyway (he is the eldest of 3) but of course I had to get another opinion as well!

Its still quite a few years away anyway but it has been playing on my mind, especially since the kids have all been enrolled almost from birth - ridiculous really!

[luna moth]

1) If you had siblings of an opposite sex did you find that by going to separate highschools it had a detrimental effect on your relationship or did it enhance your relationship not being in each others pockets?

I have one sister, one brother. Going to the same school is the only reason my sister and I were at all close, we just didn't have anything else in common at all. Abilities, dispositions, stature, we are totally different people, although as we grow up we're becoming more like each other.
My brother and I only went to school together for three days of our lives (after I lived overseas I enrolled at this school, but it wasn't for me) It made absolutely no difference to our relationship. We were already close, and it just wasn't "cool" for us to hang out together, so we didn't, much as we both probably wanted to. He was in Year 7, I was in Year 11. We're still very close. He and my sister went to school together for 4 years, they're pretty close, but then they still were afterwards too. School didn't seem to change much.


2) Did you find that by separating the sexes it presented problems in the "outside/social" world... as in you felt more awkward around the opposite sex as you wern't used to interacting with them much as young adults?
Not for me. I went to a co-ed school in Years 5 and 6, then had the option to continue in co-ed, but opted to go single sex as I knew, even at that age, that boys just distracted me. So in high school, I chose to mostly hang out with boys outside school, because I knew that I enjoyed that social interaction, and then hung out with my girlfriends at school. I have always been comfortable with both.
Some of my friends though, are not so great with boys, because they weren't exposed to them outside of school, so never really developed that ability.

I think it's a good idea to make sure the kids still interact with the other sex outside of school, so that it's never weird.

3) Especially for the girls, being all girls was it a very "*****y" envrionment?
Still is! (hello to my stalker, BTW) There were times when we would completely exclude someone, or do some fairly nasty things, but after about Year 10, everyone pretty much got over that, and it was incredibly supportive. But, yeah, now that we're settling down, having kids, making life choices, we're passing judgement on each other for all of that, and while it's not outwardly b!tchy, I think there's an element that is still there. There were those who didn't buy into it though. Seems to depend on personality.