Settling in and making friends - how long does it take?
Yasin has been at school for about 3 weeks now and he still seems to be having problems settling in.
He enjoys his classes and his teachers seem to like him but he's not making friends. The poor kid sits on a bench all lunch time and plays with no-one. We've stayed back after school a couple of times and he's played with the kids then but during the day he doesn't play with anyone.
I feel so sad for him that the other kids don't want to play with him and that he's not able to bring himself to invite himself to join them.
I know that really there's not much I can do to help him but I'm open to any ideas.
He doesn't really seem conscious that there's anything wrong but eventually he will be.
Can you ask his teacher to assist? Maybe s/he can ask some of the children if they would invite him to play (not in his hearing in case they refuse). She would probably know which ones he would interact with due to mutual interests and can help promote a friendship with them.
Any opportunity to join in an afterschool activity some of his classmates do? That way they can have a common time/shared space without having to rely on Yasin to break into a new crowd. Perhaps also ask anyone he has played with afterschool for a playdate over the holidays. Did his teachers suggest any people whom he may gravitate towards, they may be able to help. xx
At DD1's school they pair the kids up during the day to do certain activities. That way they get to know each other and make friends easier. Ask the teacher to assist and to pair him up with someone so that he is included. My daughter won't play with the other kids either if not included.
How do you know he sits on his own? Does he tell you that nobody plays with him or have you seen him/been told by someone? The reason I ask is because my DS1 told me that no one plays with him at lunch time too, yet when I dropped him off/picked him up he would always play with kids. He is such a social creature and I was quite worried so I spoke to his teacher. She wasn't worried at all and we worked out that DS1's idea of "nobody plays with me" meant "they won't play my game". Apparently it's quite common at this age for boys to not have close friendships (compared to girls) and they tend to play alone a lot.
My friend's DD who is the same age complained of the same thing and we worked out she was the same as DS1, no one wanted to play her games LOL!
The kids have all started playing tiggy at school and DS1 spends every play time joining in because it's his kind of game, I haven't had him complain of no one to play with since. Maybe your DS should initiate a game of tiggy!
Could you ask his teacher to pair him up with someone? DS1 was asked to hang out with a new boy in his class recently and they have become great friends.
I'm sure he'll settle in soon, I get the feeling he has a gorgeous personality
Onyx maybe you can ask the teacher if he's allowed to bring a football to school? If so, he can then ask some of the kids to kick the ball around during the break?
Also, can you arrange an after school play date with a couple of the kids at a local park?
Three weeks isn't a huge time, especially if his class mates had existing friendship groups from kindy... but I know it's hard to watch them make their own way
I was going to suggest a playdate too, and get to know some of the parents if you can. When they see us socialising in their environment it really does help with their confidence and it helps the other kids too strangely. I think it can take a while. I know this from having moved around a lot as a child and switching schools. Sometimes you just click with some people and other times it can take at least 6 months, especially if the social groups are close nit.
I spoke to the teacher and she said that he's making friends and he's really confident in class so she's not worried at this stage. She's noticed that he's not really confident joining in when the other children are playing but he'll get there as he settles in. For now we're staying back at school in the afternoons for a while because there are always a few children around for him to play with but less than during his lunch break.
My DS1 can be a bit shy. He settled in easier as we had him in Before and After School Care. Initially this was due to me working, I now have him in one day after school care as he likes it so much. He gets to meet kids on school grounds out of school hours and then that has gone onto forming friendships during school hours.
I too always worried about DS1 as he can get taken advantage of pretty easily. The school also have a buddy system, does Yasin's school have one of those? They get allocated a Senior student who they can go and ask for help, the school also have the buddy's and their little prep have lunch together one day a week. It worked well for the preps.
Sounds like from your last post he is settling well
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Settling in and making friends - how long does it take?
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