15 month old boy doesn't like his Mum?

[thegoat]

Hi,

My wife and I have a 15 month old son, who right from the start has never really been a ‘cuddly’ baby. When he does want affection, and if she’s around, he seems to mostly want to go to his step-grandmother – he runs to her all the time, cries a lot when she leaves and generally wants to be around her. I seem to be ‘2nd favourite’ - he’ll come to me as well, mainly when he’s tired or hurt, but will also go to other people for at least a hug, even if he’s only known them for half an hour. As I said, he generally doesn’t want to sit with anyone really for any length of time, the only exception to this is when we’re out and about with him when he’s happy to stay in my arms and look around.

However, he seems to have a real aversion to being held by, or showing affection to his Mum. If someone is holding him and tries to give him to his Mum, he turns away and doesn’t want to go. If he’s upset he will take much longer to settle down if my wife is holding him than if I were to hold him. If she tries to hold him he just squirms and whines until being let down. This has been going on for around 4 months and as you can imagine my wife is getting quite upset. She obviously wants him to want to go to her because she is his Mum and I know it hurts her when he goes to other people besides her. If he was an older child, you might go as far to say he doesn’t like her!

My question is, is this just a phase? What could be the reasons for him not wanting to go to her? Shouldn’t he want to go to his Mum? She’s a good mother, plays with him, is loving to him etc. Should she be trying/doing something different?

Any advice or feedback would be appreciated!

[Arcadia]

that sounds tough. Just to get a clearer idea: who is his primary carer? Is he breast or bottle fed? Does he sleep with you?

It probably is a phase, but your wife needs to know she is still a wonderful mummy.

[boobaloo]

wow, big hugs to your wife, that would be heartbreaking.
i'm sure it's just a stage, asserting his opinion etc.
maybe if it continues, she sould see an expert for thier opinion

[krisp]

Try looking for something that your DS is rejecting rather than his Mummy. Is it possible that it's a smell he's backing off from rather than your wife - for example does your wife always wear the same perfume and maybe he's sensitive to it? Does she have long painted fingernails that he's frightened of? Did your wife recently wean him and that has changed the dynamic between them?

It probably is simply a phase.

for your wife, it must be very upseting for her.

[thegoat]

that sounds tough. Just to get a clearer idea: who is his primary carer? Is he breast or bottle fed? Does he sleep with you?

Hi Arcadia - His Mum is his primary carer. He goes to day care 3 days a week (since March) and the other days he is with his Mum, although in that time he does see his step-grandmother quite a bit. he's bottle fed since birth and sleeps in a cot in his own room (has always slept in his own cot but moved into his own room about 2 months ago)

Is it possible that it's a smell he's backing off from rather than your wife

Hi krisp - I don't think it's this. She doesn't wear perfume and doesn't have any other distinguishing features he might be afraid of.

maybe if it continues, she sould see an expert for thier opinion

Hi boobaloo - I was thinking of this but wasn't even sure who would specialise in this?

My wife has type 2 diabetes, so when he was first born he was pretty much taken straight to the nursery so he could be monitored .He then caught an infection and was in hospital for around 3-4 weeks altogether, so my wife didn't really get to 'bond' with him at all and she thinks this may be why he's like that. She also didn't breast feed so she thinks that may also be part of the problem....

I'm sure it's just a phase as well - at least I hope so. I sometimes wish he was a little bit older so I could just ask him why he doesn't like going to his Mum!!