Good Girl Overkill

[beckoes]

After reading one on Kellys posts on facebook i have been thinking alot about the amount i use the phrase "good Girl"....i cant find the link to post here, but basically it was saying how you can use this phase too much and over praise children with negative effects,
for example....and instead of saying 'good girl' when she builds a tall tower, simply say ''what a tall tower you made with those yellow blocks"
Or 'good girl' when she shares a toy with another child, instead say ''look how happy lucy is that your sharing with her''
or good girl for helping pick up her toys...instead just say 'Thank You"!!

Im interested to see what other peoples views are on this, wish i could find the link....

.....found the link.....not sure if i can post, please remove if im being naughty http://codenamemama.com/2010/06/02/good-job/

[Visitor7]

DD's kindy are not allowed to say 'good girl' or 'good boy'. They have to rephrase it to similar to what you've said in your post. I've never really understood why, but I'd certainly be interested to know.

[beckoes]

yeah, it never really crossed my mind NOT to say it, i even remember reading a big poster in a doc surgery somewhere about ''100 ways to praise you child'' , untill i read that article (posted the link now i found it) and now i cant help question it....i do say it ALOT!!! intersting read and kinda explains it...7 Alternatives to Telling Your Child “Good Job!”

[krysalyss]

I have read that too and we try to follow it. As I understand it, the reason behind it is that by just saying 'good girl' you are firstly not justifying why she has done the right thing, secondly you are building her self esteem to be all about your opinion and doesn't encourage her to self-recognise when she has done something she can be proud of and why. So instead of striving to make you happy (which is a type of dependency) she learns to recognise for herself when she has done something new or great. Also it is also supposed to make them more resilient. For example if you always compliment her drawings by saying 'that's great' then when a kid at school says 'thats terrible' she doesn't know who to believe. If you say 'I think the colours you have used make the picture seem very happy', she can be better at self evaluating when the other kid says something negative.
that's just the way I understand it but others may have different opinions.

[beckoes]

you explained it better than i did krys... sounds pretty logical when you put it that way

[deletedit]

Hrm, we wax lyrical on the "good girl!" when we get a wee in the potty ... or say "thank you" when she's helping us ... we don't ever say "good job" but she constantly tells US good job if she's watching us cook dinner or clean up or whatnot. I'm guessing its just on TV a lot.

Its a little disconcerting to be cleaning a spilt drink or something off the floor and having a toddler tell you "Good job, Mummy!"