Things are going pretty smoothly with xp ATM, besides the unstructured visitation of dd as he lives in a few hours away.
Tonight he started to talk to me on fb to organise a visit with dd as its been 3 weeks etc..
hes always nice to me asks how ive been etc...but after talking to him ive had this overwhelming feeling i can't explain and this its just going to all come out everywhere and make no sense but im just going to get it out..
i know theres no answer to this but i just wish he could tell me im doing a good job, that im a good mum (and i know i may never hear that from him) but im longing to hear it. from the moment i fell pregnant even finished my hsc while i was pregnant and working, ive had no help from him, everything ive done ive done by myself or with my familys help and its been tough at times, but ive raised DD all on my own.. and for him to just tell me ive done a good job would really make my day right now ive started work today after 1 year and a half off and have had such a great day and for some reason im sitting here with DD climbing over the top of me (not sleeping) and im in tears and i dont even have a reasonable answer as to why! (i must sound like a nutcase)
i dont even know why i care what he thinks.. he'll just continue to be him and living the life he wants and ill live mine but i just wish for 1 minute i could be acknowleged that i have done something right..
Last edited by Butterfly Child; July 28th, 2010 at 04:36 PM.
If he was clueless enough to have made the choice to leave someone as fabulous as you, he's probably not switched on enough to tell you that. Which is a bummer. Have you got plenty of other people in your life who can tell you you're a great mum - which I don't doubt for a second that you are?
Oh sweetpea. We can never expect anything from anyone. I understand your need and want to be acknowledged. I remember once feeling that way also. Time & a lot of years (please dom't think this is about age it's not - it just took me personally a lot of time) I realised that it was me that had to be happy with my job. It was from that that grew confidence and trust in my ability.
As Audax says: the poor evolved fella doesn't know what an amazing woman you are because he is just not grown up enough.
What you have done alone sweetheart - and not just alone but well - really well... Well some women can't do that with a partner, age and resources. I want you to know you are an inspiration. You are truly a beautiful young Woman with a wisdom beyond your years.
Grace is very very blessed to have chosen you to be her Mama. Big things are in store for you darling - look inside and know what you want him to tell you is true. Just look inside and really really know that.
Thanks girls.
i have had some time to think and process everything, last nite i just had a really big day with going back to work for the first time and leaving grace i guess everything was just really overwhelming and i got a tad bit emotional and your right i need to look inside and acknowlege myself and know that i am doing the best that i can and i am a great mum, sometimes i may doubt my parenting abilities but i know deep down that i am being the best i can be..i just have to remember that thanks for reminding me girls!
One day xp may look back and tell me that i have done an gd job being dd'S mum, but im not holding my breath.
Bookmarks