Do you need/want a partner???

[Inanna]

I ask this as I see around me Women fairly newly single just pining after male/female relationships. I feel different sometimes as I just couldn't give a flying fratooshy...

I feel content on my own. I love being on my own. I love making my decisions, directing my life, caring for and supporting my kids, love my girlfriends - I feel trly happy!

What is it with this need to have a man around? Am I wierd? Am I in denial? Am I missing something?
I just don't get it!

[Sopdet]

I'm not newly single, but I'm starting to get into the headspace that I want a more permanent partner. I don't need to have a man around. There are few more things I need to do for me before I will fully be in the headspace of "if a man comes into my life, then I am ready".

No you're not missing anything Inanna and you're not wierd or in denial. We're at different points in our life, I'd like a family now, you have an amazing family

[kirsty_lee]

Inanna, after the way your relationship broke down and the events that followed I am not suprised your content on your own kwim? I think for some women they really can't be alone, which isn't a bad thing I don't think. Different strokes for different folks. But then I think there are alot of other people who really are content not having to 'answer' to someone else and make your own decisions. I guess some people are just more capable of being independant than others. I don't think it's a bad thing not to need having someone around, shows your independant and can stand on your own too feet and imo, stronger in alot of ways especially when your a single mother!

[Trillian]

OK, as you know I do have a husband LOL, but I think that you do reach a point when you need different things from life kwim? I know with my Mum, when her partner passed away a few months ago it was the first time she was single since she was 19 and she is 53 because she moved out a dead marriage with my father straight into the relationship with her partner, so all of her adult life has been spent with someone else in it and we were talking about it a little while ago and she said that she just can't see herself ending up with anyone else - not because he was the great love of her life and no one can replace him, but because she just doesn't feel that she needs someone in her life now. But by the same token I know of others who have separated and at the time they needed to be single to regain their identity, especially those that were in long relationships/marriages and once they were confident in who this 'new' person was they were ready to let other people into their life again ITMS.

[Lulu]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Hmmm.

Well I know I don't need one.

KL, I don't disagree with you, but I do think that anyone (man or woman) who believes they need one or cannot be alone are doing themselves a great disservice. I think if you can't stand on your own two feet alone - how can you really know? We all have strengths and weaknesses and parts of ourselves that are enhanced by having a partner for sure - but to assume you can't be alone is kinda sad.....and potentially dangerous iykwim?
Although you (collective) might prefer a partner or feel better for having one is 1 thing - knowing you are not going to DIE because you don't have one is another.

I dunno, I think sometimes it depends on what your definition of a partner is. I think a long time ago I thought a partner was supposed to be everything I wanted them to be. Now - I look at everything both people can bring to the table, and if I want someone to bring a certain amount of whatever to the table I want to bring that too.

and for me right now? I can't be arsed

[kirsty_lee]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Hmmm.

Well I know I don't need one.

KL, I don't disagree with you, but I do think that anyone (man or woman) who believes they need one or cannot be alone are doing themselves a great disservice. I think if you can't stand on your own two feet alone - how can you really know? We all have strengths and weaknesses and parts of ourselves that are enhanced by having a partner for sure - but to assume you can't be alone is kinda sad.....and potentially dangerous iykwim?
Although you (collective) might prefer a partner or feel better for having one is 1 thing - knowing you are not going to DIE because you don't have one is another.

I dunno, I think sometimes it depends on what your definition of a partner is. I think a long time ago I thought a partner was supposed to be everything I wanted them to be. Now - I look at everything both people can bring to the table, and if I want someone to bring a certain amount of whatever to the table I want to bring that too.

and for me right now? I can't be arsed

Ahh don't get me wrong lu... im not one of those people that 'can't be without' a man.. I absolutely love my partner, but before him I was very very independant and I was fine. Im just trying to explain maybe why *some* people feel like that.

[~TT40~]

i had been in longterm relationships since i was 16..my first lasting for 3 years, then 2 weeks later i got with another man who i was with for 4 1/2 years...when that fell apart, i didn't know how to be on my own...didn't think i could. but managed, and ended up even going to live on my own, for that exact reason, i felt i needed to be able to do it, and felt i SHOULDN'T need/want a partner.

that only lasted 8 months when i met DH and have been with him since...but have to say i am a hell of alot less dependable on DH than I was with my exs.

I know i'm not currently single, and not who you were really aiming your question at...but oh well =P

I think it takes a bigger person to be how you feel - to be able to be alone, and be happy and content.

[isharathena]

I think it's different for different people at different stages in life...I think if you feel you don't need or want a partner then awesome, go for it, but if you want and need one, awesome, go for that too.

[Lulu]

oh no KL, (we get each other) - that's why I made a point of doing a collective yoooouu!

[luna moth]

TBH I couldn't care either way. It just so happens that there's this guy who turned up in my life and he's great, and I want HIM to be around me. But if he'd never turned up, or anyone else equally fabulous, then there is NO way I would be settling for second best just for the sake of having a partner. If he disappeared for whatever reason, I'd be sad, I'd grieve the loss of him in my life, but I wouldn't actively go out new partner shopping.

[rhyb]

Sometimes I miss being a single parent. No one to argue with, you're word is law, etc.
I can be without relationships but sometimes am way too willing to jump into them

[meow]

TBH I couldn't care either way. It just so happens that there's this guy who turned up in my life and he's great, and I want HIM to be around me. But if he'd never turned up, or anyone else equally fabulous, then there is NO way I would be settling for second best just for the sake of having a partner. If he disappeared for whatever reason, I'd be sad, I'd grieve the loss of him in my life, but I wouldn't actively go out new partner shopping.

Exactly how I feel! I do LOVE having my H and I love that I can share my life with him, my someone special. But it's because he's my someone special, not because he's just anyone.

I think honestly long term I do want a partner. There was a movie once where one character said something about being the other person's witness. That has stuck with me. It's as though my is noticed and witnessed and remembered because my H is there to see it. So while I could be happy on my own (and was before meeting my H) I think in the back of my mind I would be *know* that I wouldn't want to be single forever.

ETA: Seems the quote is from "Shall we dance"... I don't remember ever watching that movie!

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

[Inanna]

It just does my head in a bit... I get told constantly "you'll find a nice man" yadda yadda... What if I don't want one??? I am not sure I do at all - ever! I can't think of a single reason. Not one...
My life has got so much easier! I have peace. I don't have to explain anything. I dress for me. I wear hats. I WEAR HATS! I do it all for me now. It's great...

I am just hoping I am not denying anything big and huge that will come and bight my bottom...

I have seen very very very few relationships that I think : :mmmm they've got it grooving"... There is so much crap, so much dancing around truth & I just can't go back there ever again... I like sitting in bed with my tea, my lappy, my kid/s (there is always at least one!) my dog (she's not really a dog - she is a reincarnated Monk from Tibet ), a book... I LOVE IT!

I don't have room for dancing around truth - I only want enhancement & I don't know if I'm cynical but I see very few relationships that are truly enhancing... *hiding from the books being thrown at me*...

[anney]

Great thread Inanna. I was going to post something similar recently. I truly think I would be a better/happier (not really sure what words I would user here) without a partner. I was single for 38 years and never really "looked" for relationships, then DP came along, then DD. DP and I have been together 10 years . Maybe he is just not the "right" person for me but if he wasn't around anymore there is NO WAY IN THE WORLD I would go looking for someone else. I know I would be happy with just me and DD.
A few gorgeous single friends I have say they are single as they want someone who is going to "add" something to their lives and they have never found that. I think that is similar to what you say about "enhancement".
Been hit by any low flying books yet?

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I often look at my single friends who are so desperate for a boyfriend and think why?

While i love my DP very much, sometimes id just like to be able to make my own decisions and do what i want. But then at the same time i have been with him since i was 15, hes my first serious relationship and i don't think i would know how to be alone and i hope to never be alone.

I don't think i am very independant, i am so dependant on him and i honestly hate it. When we first got together i couldn't stand being away from him, i would get emotional and to this day i get the same. As a manager he often has conferences interstate and i get sooky when he leaves i feel like i can't function without him.

So the answer to your question would be that in my case i need him.

[Rouge]

IMO You need to be able to reach the point of knowing you don't need a man and knowing that you can survive without one to actually be secure in any relationship with a man. Otherwise the chances of you becoming compromised increase IMO. No one needs a man. Ever. If you have one and you enjoy them Kudos to you, but if you need one you shouldn't be in a realtionship with one.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I'm very newly single and I've decided that whatever happens, I am NOT going to date for the rest of the year because I need time to rediscover who I am and get my own life together. As great as I feel finally being free of the abusive relationship I was in, I can imagine that if I got into a relationship too soon I'd be emotionally vulnerable and if the new relationship didn't work out I could be heartbroken and unable to cope. So basically I want to be physically, mentally and emotionally independent before I would even consider dating. I don't really miss having a partner but I do miss nookie XD

[cindyb]

Really quick from me (past my bed time and all) I am in a relationship - we have been together 7 years and i have had a few long relationships prior to this one but I can honestly say that I have always been of a mindset of whatever happens happens - i am really happy to be on my own (i LOVE the independence of it) but at the same time it is great to have someone to share lifes moments with, someone you know inside-out.
I dont like the idea of women/men NEEDING a partner to feel complete but hey who am i to judge?
I think - if i look back- I have always ended up falling into another relationship not to long after one has ended. Life is what it is enjoy it gals! LOL!!