Teachers physically touching students

[diannescruffy]

There are two teachers in particular that DS15 has a problem with, they touch him. He hates being touched. When he is being told off each of these teachers have placed their hands on DS and one of them has literally yelled in his face. He said he placed his pencil case up to his face, she was centimetres from him. He has told each of them to get their hands off him and then been sent out of class. One of them has left a msg for me to ring and talk about DS's behaviour, I am going to tell her not to touch him again and if he is not behaving to send him to the principal. I don't understand why she rings me, yes I can talk to him about his behaviour but if he is messing up in class the school should be dealing with it, in my opinion.

Regards,
Dianne

[Trillian]

If he is messing up at school then its EVERYBODY'S problem and as a parent you should be working with him and the school on trying to sort all this out instead of leaving it all up to the school and they probably think it's pretty important that you help support him and work through this as well and that is why they are calling you. I agree that if someone doesn't like their personal space invaded then something needs to be sorted out about that, but having spoken with teachers about different areas of behaviour management of children (for uni) their biggest gripe is the total lack of assistance from parents because it makes their job so much harder. If it were me I would do everything I could to try to help him out.

[jesses_girl]

IMO I dont think it is solely the teachers responsibility to dicipline your child, when i was in school, if i knew i wouldnt get in trouble from mum for x,y,z i would do it, just cause i could get away with it. I think you need to ask him why is he acting out? As for the touching, totally out of line, especially if he likes his personal space. She rings you because you are his mother and the only person who can make decisions about his welfare and schooling. Getting your back up wont do your son any good at all.

[diannescruffy]

Whenever I have received a phone call myself or DH have sat down with DS and talked about it. I appreciate the school ringing me to let me know if he is misbehaving but I don't see the school doing anything about this. He has never once been disciplined by the school so how can I work with the school?

Regards,
Dianne

[Lulu]

Hun, he is still your son and it's his behaviour that is the problem here. Do you recognise that something must have been going on for a little while before that teacher went off in his face?
Could you ask your son what he could have done to change the outcome of that situation?
Alot of kids have some sort of problem with authority or discipline, but he has to know about respecting the teachers that are trying to teach him.

[diannescruffy]

Ok, so what should I do, any suggestions appreciated.

Regards,
Dianne

[Lulu]

Teach him about respect?

[diannescruffy]

Do you honestly think I've never taught him about respect, I also taught him that respect needs to be both ways. We are talking about a 15yr old boy. He shows respect in my house because he knows that if he doesn't show it he gets disciplined but how do I enforce this when he is at school. My problem is that the school do not discipline him when he misbehaves. So should I be disciplining him at home for something he does at school?

Regards,
Dianne

[MrsFabuloso]

I don't think teachers should be invading his space, or touching him if he has told them not to, but agree that you need to work in conjunction with the school and individual teachers where you can. Maybe a meeting with both of these teachers together with your son and you would be beneficial. Then together you can make a plan to move ahead with whatever the issues are.

[LimeSlice]

Do you honestly think I've never taught him about respect, I also taught him that respect needs to be both ways. We are talking about a 15yr old boy. He shows respect in my house because he knows that if he doesn't show it he gets disciplined but how do I enforce this when he is at school. My problem is that the school do not discipline him when he misbehaves. So should I be disciplining him at home for something he does at school?

Regards,
Dianne

Yes. My parents certainly disciplined me at home for things I did at school. There was no separation - if I was rude to a teacher, I was being rude to my parents.
Being sent from class is a form of discipline.
I do think though I would like to know HOW the teachers are touching him, and I think this is an issue in itself, but not the core problem.
What behaviour is your son repeating that is getting him into a position to be 'yelled at' constantly by the same two teachers? They don't do it for no reason.

[diannescruffy]

It's not just DS that gets yelled at, if he and his friends are talking or not doing their work obviously they are distracting the whole class so they get in trouble. If this was happening in Primary School they get sent to the principal's office and then disciplinary action is taken. I think I will arrange a meeting at the school.

Regards,
Dianne

[LimeSlice]

But he is not in Primary School, he is 15 years old. And if he cannot control himself after being instructed to be quiet (repeatedly) then he is being sent from the class (which is punnishment in it means he has to use his own time to catch up on what was missed, and get homework etc etc - exclusion from learning is a major form of discipline in High Schools)
Where is he being sent when he is excluded from class? They cannot be sent to the principal everytime, it is beyond impractical - we had Caution slips, 3 = detention of some form, and a year level co-ordinator. More often than not, we had to sit outside the class next to the door. Embarrassment.

Anyway, if he is repeatedly disrupting the class this IS something you need to address. It is disrespectful to not only the teachers, but to his fellow students and YOU - you don't send him to school for a party, he is there to learn and preventing other from doing so demonstrates he is NOT showing respect to the students, the teachers nor the insitution - or you for that matter.

[diannescruffy]

I don't know how this has turned into "respect". The teacher would be putting the majority of the class out into the corridor. The point I made about primary school is because there is discipline the children learn but it's not the case here.

Regards,
Dianne

[LimeSlice]

Of course it is about respect - he is disrupting the class. You need to find out why he is doing this repeatedly.
Is he not being engaged? Does he dislike the subject? What can he do to become more involved in the class? Is it bad influence and peer pressure from other disruptive friends in the same class? Is he not picking up the coursework and feeling incompetant so acting out to cover it?
These are things you can work on with the school , his teachers and his year level coordinator, but you will need to be proactive and get involved - and he will need to know you are involved.
At one point my mum threatened to come and sit in on every one of my brother history calsses when he was 16 - hewas mortified, funnily enough he found a way to behave in class pretty quick smart. (And it wasn't a threat - she would have done it, she was like that)

Once you get to being 14, 15, 16 years old, the onus of 'learning discipline' moves somewhat from what hte teachers can teach you to what the student is will ing to learn and take on board. This usually relies on things like exclusion, for the reasons I mentioned above, but he needs to value the learning to begin with - this is where you come in.
He KNOWS what behaviour is expected, he knows that he will be excluded from the class (or moved to the front, or kept behind, or called on more often to answer questions) if he does not comply to the expectations of class - he is choosing not to obey them anyway.
What discipline would you like them to use? What expectation do you have of the principal if he was to be sent there everytime he was playing up? Why do you think the principal's words will have any more effect than the class teacher?

If you are going to talk with the school about htis, they will ask you these questions, and they are things you will need to work out before you go in - what are your expectations? What methods would you expect them to use?

[LimeSlice]

*double post*

[kelebek]

I think a meeting with the teachers (and maybe princible) to get thier perspective as to why this is occuring would be helpful. I also think including DS would be helpful, maybe they are singling him out?

FWIW I don't think it's appropriate for them to be touching or yelling at him. I don't see how thier behavious is going stop your DS from doing the wrong thing.

[sloane]

i think a meeting with the school would definitely be beneficial. i think in high school you are unlikely to be sent to the principal unless it's something really major. his year level coordinator would probably be a good place to start. explain your concerns re-discipline & let them know that you son has said that the teacher touched him & he doesn't like that. i have a feeling that your son saying get your hands off me would be taken more as a sign of attitude/aggression rather than accurately conveying that he simply does not like to be touched (i hope that makes sense!).

i do think it's good that the teacher has contacted you so you have the opportunity to meet with her/him & discuss the situation. i'm guessing if she went to the principal, they'd tell her to contact you first anyhow.

hope it works out for you

[diannescruffy]

I just would like to point out DS has not been repeatedly showing bad behaviour, this has just happened recently. He doesn't like school work, he loves his elective subjects as they are "hands on". Soon he is starting an 8wk Automotive course which was organised by the principal, so I have been involved and DS knows this.

Regards,
Dianne