Making friends with the neighbours

[Persephone1]

Okay, so I've become a SAHM recently, and enjoying it. I have my Mum's Group, and I go to Mums & Bubs Yoga, and take DS to Gymbaroo. I also catch up with friends from work and go on excursions each week.

I've discovered that a neighbour two doors down from us also has a baby, probably a few months older than DS. I've seen her around with her daughter in the sling. She and her husband moved in about 6 months ago, when she was still pregnant.

I've also discovered that my neighbour on the left has a small child - I think it's a baby, as I've seen her with a pram. She moved in next door about 4 weeks ago.

I've also discovered that my neighbour on the right is pregnant. This was a bit of a shock - I don't see her often, but when I saw her the other day I realised she was carrying some extra weight at the front

I don't know anything about these women except that they appear to be fertile and that they all appear to be at home during the day, like me.

We are not friends with any of them, and in fact the neighbours on the right, whom we share a wall with, have been almost cold towards us since we moved in 3 years ago. We make the effort to say hello when we see them on the street (which is obviously not often cause I didn't notice the baby bump until the other day), but we're lucky to even get a smile out of them, let alone a "hello" or a wave.

So, my question is - should I try befriending any or all of them? I'm in two minds.

On the "NO" side of the argument, I already have my social networks established. I don't need to socialise with more mothers. I'm also worried that if I try to befriend them, they may not be people I would normally be friends with and then I might be stuck with them and have to start avoiding them on the street

On the "YES" side of the argument, well...I just think it would be nice to be more friendly with the neighbours, particularly as there's (at least) four women, all living next door to each other, all at home each day with our babies during the day, and it seems a bit sad that we're not friends. What if one of us is feeling really isolated, suffering PND, struggling with a crying baby, and desperate for a friend? If that person was me, perhaps I'd really appreciate a smiling face from next door, right?

One of my work friends lives down the street and is hosting drinks at her house next week for neighbours that she is friendly with - it includes me and DH, but not my SAHM neighbours. Should I invite some of them? I can't invite all of them, my friend (the hostess) doesn't have much room at her house. And if yes, which ones should I choose?

What would you do?

[feeb]

I would love to have a friendly neighbour!!! 1 side has had someone there since before DH bought house before we were together, she has since sold and moved now empy and being renovated, other side changes regilarly but no one friendly and nice.


I would forget the one that has been there for years and barely speaks to you.

I would try the two that moved in recently.

Good luck hope they are nice.

[Inanna]

I had to laugh at your dilemma re: befriending them & finding that you have integral differences too hard to marry! I've had that - not with a neigbour but at playgroup!

If it were me I'd invite them - for a few reasons... I think our communities are lacking in those willing to reach out. I think that you might just find a sweet friend. Maybe one of them needs you as a friend (cos you're awesome! )

I would ask if you can ask all four - it's unlikely that all four will come - if they do well that's all good too. There is always room for an extra chair!

Nothing ventured nothing gained. I love my gorgeous neighbour & I'm glad I reached out to her - we dom't see each other a lot (we're neighbours but I live rurally so mot close). I also have a neighbour in the cottage on my property & she is an absolute piece of gold to me.

Go for it!

[chrysalis]

Hi there
Congrats on the birth of Archie!
I was in pretty much your position with my first 3 years ago, (lawyer on mat leave ) with some other established networks noticing all the mums with babies on the street! I was prob a bit hungrier for some local company as my mother's group took a long time to establish and also as my son got older excursions in the car became harder. Also as winter set in (he was born in August) I found it more of a pain to throw him in the car and do things.
I approached all of the neighbours separately and suggested catch ups to get to know them singularly and then as it turned out had a few catch ups also as a larger group.
It turned out I get on really well with one neighbour in particular and we catch up all the time during the week, most importantly for Friday night drinks on the deck in summer , and have looked after one and other's kids in emergencies which has been super handy.
The other I discovered after some time that I did not share too many values with overall and things have pettered out, which has been fine, we say hello and again in emergencies I have still looked after her kids and lent her the phone when she locked her kids inside whilst putting out the washing. We talk if one walks past the other on the street etc and have recent chats about kinder etc but thats it.
I think because I was not too overzealous at the time I had not invested too much time so not too much was lost if you know what I mean.
Looking back those friendships were really important at the time I was at home too.
My inclination would be to initially attempt a relationship with those who are newer to the area, if you can't invite them to your friend's party, even a note in the letterbox suggesting an afternoon tea at a local cafe or at your place if you feel comfortable would be well received.
I wouldn't necessarily write off the lady you share a wall with, we all know how we change after kids and she might welcome the invitation!
If you are all there for the long haul it is feasible your kids might be in the same class at school and at kinder!
Good luck!
Cheerio Belinda!

[Inanna]

I was just going to say. Maybe the neighbour right next door has reasons for not being so open. Depression, sadness, business, illness - I wouldn't write her off either.

[dusty]

I reckon its a great idea to break down the bridges with your neighbours, with no strings attached, but as an opportunity to get to know who you each are at least. You never know they may get along with each other too and just need someone like yourself who is open and brave enough to make the first move. Perhaps invite them all to a morning tea at your house one day or at a local cafe. Even if only one turns up, you will have broken the ice or at least given it a go.

[Persephone1]

Bugger bum, now I just have to work up the courage to knock on their doors

[dusty]

Bugger bum, now I just have to work up the courage to knock on their doors

LOL you could use the pretext of asking for a cup of sugar...

[Cherished]

we had new neighbour move in next door probably a month or 2 ago now (can't remember when really) and i was just thinking today about whether or not to go over and say "hello".... take a cup of sugar like dusty said lol but then I thought that I don't really want to get to know them that well! It would be a nightmare for us if they ended up being the drop over anytime and unannounced kind of people or if we just didn't like them :Redface: we like our privacy so I think I'll stick to a wave in the car or a hello if we happen to be out the front at the same time. Over time if they seem nice enough we can then extend the hand of friendship further.

[Inanna]

I once lived next door to some swingers... That was an interesting get to meet you morning tea!

[dusty]

I once lived next door to some swingers... That was an interesting get to meet you morning tea!

LOL so you discovered this beforehand or at the morning tea Inanna......?

[Inanna]

at the morning tea... I'm prettty certain the scones weren't the reason they came! Yes, awkward that was....

[*LittleMissSummer*]

It can't hurt just to knock on the door and introduce yourself and say you too are a SAHM and if they want they can come over for coffee. Or as you said your work friend is having drinks at her house you could invite them (providing your friend doesnt mind). The worst they could do is say no but who knows you might make a few more friends out of it

[Cherished]

at the morning tea... I'm prettty certain the scones weren't the reason they came! Yes, awkward that was....

OMG sooo funny!

[MummaSue]

I know that this thread is a bit old now, but (thinking from the neighbours point of view), I'd love it if another mum came and knocked on my door and introduced themselves. It would be awesome!

Did you do it Seph?
Sue xxx