Friends asking friends to babysit... is it pushing boundries???

[MummaMumma]

A friend called today & asked if I could look after her 23 month old from 8am until around 6/7pm.... first she asked if I could do it tomorrow - then she went on to ask if maybe another day this week would suit me better?

I am a parent to a 5 and 3 year old and 20 weeks pregnant with marginal placenta previa. I have been told not to do any extra activities or lift anything due to spotting (caused from the placenta previa) a few weeks ago. Another thing is our house is not really set up for an almost two year old, we have 3 levels without child saftey gates on every level - I would pretty much have to bring the child with me in every room I enter. This friend who asked me to look after her boy - knows all of this.

Her almost two year old is lovely and I love my friend dearly too... but I am rather upset that she has even asked me to do this. She wants to spend the day hiking with her husband (so not something urgent). I feel her and her husband often ask others to look after their son so they can do things alone. Not with babysitters, Nannies or day cares... but rather ask family or friends who dont have to work on the day. For example next week they are off to Greece alone while there son is being minded. Its not like they rarely have time 'alone'. I feel my friend is being rather selfish for asking/expecting me to mind her son. I am also expecting alot from my friend - to read my mind.

My problem is I find it hard to say NO. Everyone knows it. I hate it! First she asked me if I could look after him then asked if I wanted to look after him. How do you say NO to that... so hard!!! So I said I think its ok.... Gosh what would you say???

PS I have no idea where to post this thread... so please feel free to move it if there is a more suitable place

[Cherished]

hi there, honestly I would have said no, sometimes you need to think of yourself 1st especially when you have the health of your own baby inside of you to think about and your other 2 children. Although it's rude and inconsiderate I don't think the issue is your friend asking you to look after her son, if everyone knows that you can't say "no" you will always be a target kwim. I think you could choose to work on that area of your life to improve and as you become more empowered the unthoughtful requests will slowly get less and less

[Just Me]

I think pregnancy gives you the perfect excuse not to do it. 8am to 6/7pm is a very long day to be looking after someone else's child. Can you ring her back and say that due to pregnancy complications your doctor doesn't think it is advisable because you can't lift him (especially if you need to carry him up and down stairs). I know it is hard, but I really think you need to find a way to say no to her. This is about the safety of your own baby and yourself. You also need to be able to care for your own two children and you don't want to injure yourself looking after her child. I think it is important that you don't put any unnecessary strain on your body at the moment and this is unnecessary strain - especially since it is for longer than just a couple of hours.

I hope you can find a way to say no to her. Good luck.

[Twin Sister]

I have been in the exact same spot as you. I have friends who always ask me to watch their daughter. Usually I don't mind because they are good friends and I could always get them to look after my son in return, however while I was pregnant I was too tired, nauseous and grumpy. When they called to ask me to babysit I said "I'm really sorry, I would love to help out but I'm just not feeling up to it" and they totally understood and found someone else to watch her. It's REALLY hard but you just have to be honest with her and say no.

[misty]

I don't think there is a problem with them asking. BUT there is also certainly no problem with you saying : "sorry, I don't want to" "I don't feel up to it" "I have too much on my plate".

I can understand your feelings about it. and the pressure you feel, but that pressure (I hope) is self imposed. A good friend wouldn't take it personally if you don't want too / cann't babysit for them.

[misty]

Tell her "you are struggling to cope as it is, and really don't feel up to looking after another kid, and that you 'know' she is a good friend so will understand this and maybe she can find someone else to help out."

[Lulu]

it's upto you to set the boundaries hun. You have to say no. It's just a word and you will feel very relieved once you have said it.

[Boo Boo]

Sweetie, just say that the Dr doesn't recommend it. That is a very long day...look there are urgent circumstances - Dr's appointments, funerals but going hiking isn't one of them. I think if they want to have regular time alone they need to organise a nanny/babysitter to accommodate their needs. I am also hopeless at saying no and get myself into knots over things. This is the one time, being pregnant, that you need to look after your needs first. If they are good friends they will understand and won't want to pressure on you.

Good luck, xxx

[MummaMumma]

Thankyou all so much for your input and support!

I just rang her and said no... Its a first! I just explained that I thought I was the wrong person for the job at the moment... she seemed very understanding! I hope she really does understand - I dont want this to affect our friendship later on.

It was so hard to say no... my heart was racing and felt like I was close to having heart failure LOL. But Lulu your right I feel relieved! So relieved!

Thanks again all of you

[EmilyRose]

I don't think it's rude generally, but in your situation (being pregnant and having placenta previa) it is a bit strange she'd ask you. Most importantly though, you need to say no! You're a grown woman, be strong and be firm

[luna moth]

Well done. I think you made the right choice

[sloane]

i think it was quite a lot to ask of you in your current position. good on you for saying no - i'm exactly the same as you & have so much trouble saying it sometimes but lulu is right, it's so relieving to just say it & get it out of the way. i'm sure your friend will have no problem with you saying it

[littlelara]

Good on you for speaking up.
She wouldn't be much of a friend if she didn't understand your position - and if she can't find time to go hiking with her man this week maybe next week while she's in GREECE (that's just me being jealous - lol)
I think her setting up a nanny for once a week is a great idea, but she's not the one asking for advice he he

[Cassius2]

it's upto you to set the boundaries hun. You have to say no. It's just a word and you will feel very relieved once you have said it.

i reckon there's alot of merit in this. so glad that it worked out well for you. and it does sound like they understand, i am sure the friendship will survive!

and as an aside...why arent they going hiking with their son? we hiked up Hartz mountain with DD in the ergo last year and had the BEST time ever!