Another Friend Etiquette question

[kirsty_lee]

So, just talking to a girlfriend of mine, we'll call her S. S was dating M and M lived with his best R who was with a chick we'll call RH. Ok, hopefully that wasn't confusing lol... so S and M split up but her and RH had become best mates. Hanging out all the time etc then RH was in a rough spot so S worked her but off and got her a job at her work. (S works for Medicare in the big office so its not like she just got her a job at woolies or something) So RH was S's confidant when her and M broke up, so knows all the details etc. Anyway... S gets this phone call last night from R... he's found out that RH and M are now together and apparently "nothing is going to stop them" S is absolutely livid that her friend would do this to her. And I agree... for me ex's are just off bounds .. especially if its a bad break up too. So my question is what do you think? How would you feel if your Best friend started dating your ex (especially behind your back and you finding out from a third party?)

[Miss K]

I find it extremely wrong, I found out my best friend was dating my ex once she was pregnant to him and they got married and had another child... Still to this day even though they are now seperated due to his abuse to her the same as me, which he abused me physically mentally and sexually also, I cannot trust her I feel sorry for her for what she went through cause I was in those shoes also but seriously they are supposed to be your friend not go sleep with your x

[Arimeh]

Urgh, I've been with one of my friend's ex's (just a drunken one night thing!) and I thought that was bad enough. I'm sure she has forgiven me, however I've never forgiven myself!!

Ex's are DEFINITELY out of the picture - once your friend has been there - why would you want to.. LOL

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I agree EX's should be off limits BUT i think it all depends on the friends and the circumstances.
I went to school with 2 girls (best friends) and they had their respective boyfriends, years later i meet them all again through FB, seems G1 left her partner and not long after so did G2, G1 is now married to and has a child with G2's Ex and G2 is nor married to G1's ex..
They never cheated, there were never feelings there before the splits it just so happened they were originally paired with the wrong person for them, they are now all happy, still friends and finally with the person they were meant to be with.

I guess sometimes we just have to realise 'you can't help who you fall in love with', no matter how much it hurts someone else it's your decision and just because someone wasn't right for me doesn't mean their not going to be perfect for my friend.

I personally wouldn't go there and i wouldn't appreciate it being done to me but in the end.. good luck to them all, if it's meant to be it will be!

[Jaycee]

There's an unspoken rule that boyfriends/husbands etc, past or present, are purely off limits.

[~Serenity~]

well my dh was my XF best friend saying that though my XF left me for his best friends lil sister so worked out even in the end,but in ur op i think deff wrong especially if they felt the need to hide it...took me 5 years to get over XF being with my now SIL before he broke up with me even though it was the best favour he could have done

[sweetgloss]

I am in two minds about this.
If I was your friend I would be completely livid, she totally has the right to be upset, god knows I would be. I dont think that's something I could do to a friend.

Having said that however I think Zarava Flutterby is right, if they are meant to be then good luck to them. It would be a shame if they had the potential to be very happy together, but never went there because of a friend.
I do think this friend should of had the ball$ to tell your GF to her face though, no matter how hard it is, she owed her that. So tacky.

[Joeve]

I married my very close friend XBF.....I am one of those girls not justifiying my situation but I met him a long time ago and I was with someone else. she cheated on him yadda yadda and then 2 years later he and I got together...

Very hard as the situation you described there has been breach of trust etc... you r friend probably feels very betrayed...
She would do well to not speak to either of them, as it can become very toxic.

[Kazmar]

Well they could truely be 'in love' and 50 yrs down the track be proving us all wronge But I still dont agree with all the secrecy (SP). She should have sat down and spoken to her...

How long since the breakup?

[kirsty_lee]

like a month Dedicated Mummy!

[Inanna]

Aaaah don't you just love the class???

Well my exhusband is now shacked up with one of my ex closest girlfriends... He is "too busy" for his kids because he's playing father of the year to her 4 little boys who all went to playgroup with my kids. Very gorgeous little arrangement!

You can probably guess how I feel...

It absolutely sucks to be the one that is sitting at home making daisy chains & muffins while your husband is eating your besties .... muffins!!!!

My situation is incredibly grose - I was at her last birth, helped her to breastfeed, helped her through her vaginal prolapse, her divorce etc etc... Then whilst I was in hospital having my hysterectomy spending 6 nights in ICU after cardiac arrest she was at my house with her "muffins".... Beautiful!

They lied and denied & that was worse. If they had at least been honest it would have felt a bit better (if a situation like this can be better)...

I don't give a flying nun if they are "soul mates" - it's just wrong. You don't share muffins with your friends!

[Kazmar]

like a month Dedicated Mummy!

oh, ok, well thats unacceptable!

[sweetgloss]

Aaaah don't you just love the class???

Well my exhusband is now shacked up with one of my ex closest girlfriends... He is "too busy" for his kids because he's playing father of the year to her 4 little boys who all went to playgroup with my kids. Very gorgeous little arrangement!

You can probably guess how I feel...

It absolutely sucks to be the one that is sitting at home making daisy chains & muffins while your husband is eating your besties .... muffins!!!!

My situation is incredibly grose - I was at her last birth, helped her to breastfeed, helped her through her vaginal prolapse, her divorce etc etc... Then whilst I was in hospital having my hysterectomy spending 6 nights in ICU after cardiac arrest she was at my house with her "muffins".... Beautiful!

They lied and denied & that was worse. If they had at least been honest it would have felt a bit better (if a situation like this can be better)...

I don't give a flying nun if they are "soul mates" - it's just wrong. You don't share muffins with your friends!

Ohhh Lordy Bloody hell, that's classy stuff alright!

I think its a whole other story when there are kids involved.

[SarahMc]

Hey sorry i dnt know u girls (besides dedicated mummy) but i found your page and had to comment.

I know it is a very hard situation to deal with and it can only be based on the individual people and situtaion at the time. So i thought i would tell you my story..

My partner was going out with my best friend (it was on off again on again thing for 3 months) He and I became real close friends during this time. It just happend that within days of them breaking up, i happened to get dumped by my then boyfriend. So this lead to my partner and I talking heaps discussing our breakups and helping eachother out etc, We would meet up at lunch spend the day together until he went home at around 3am to sleep then we would do it all again, this wasnt meant to be some big thing its just that i had finally found someone that everything just felt Right and Natural. Anyway after just a month of him and my friend breaking up he asked me out. I know this was very soon after them breaking up but when its right its right. We didnt tell her we were going out as she had started getting all *****y beause we were hanging out so much after they broke up (i understand y she would b upset) but one day she saw us out holding hands and she instantly knew. Anway time passes and i get pregnant to my partner and by the time this happens we are making a mends with my friend etc.

Anyway it has now been nearly 6 years of me and my friends ex being together and a little boy between us and hopefully another little baby soon. These things can work out as you can not help who you fall in love with. I could not imagine my life with my partner! and we are all friends again my partner and i even went over to teh Exs house acouple of weeks ago for a small party. These things can work out and it shouldnt matter how a couple got together but how good they are togther.

Dedicated mummy - you know me and my partner and what we are like, does it matter that we got together only a month after he broke up with my best friend??

[Madham]

I think its always a messy situation but i also think there should be alot of thought put in too the feelings of others. I havent had this happen to me personally but i have had two people close to me go through this, and both situations handled differently. One couple hid it from everyone for over 6 months until they felt everyone was over it, big mistake hiding is lying in my books, i would much rather honesty even if it hurts. The other couple although im sure it hurt greatly at the time were open and honest about the situation with everyone invloved but never made it publicly known as too the point it was in your face (we live in a small town) IYKWIM. I think the situation is a very difficult one and there is probably no right or wrong way to go about it, one of these couple i have mentioned have now been together 10 years and have 3 gorgeous children and to be honest over time i had forgotten how they got together.
Im sure if it happened to me directly i might feel differently, but also believe it would make it easier if they showed some maturity and respect it might make it easier. Hard to say though..

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I've been to ex-boyf's weddings and am facebook friends with some exs! Actually, I'm Godmother to the son of an ex and his wife (a good friend before they got together).

I dunno. Living together and a month later he's over you - that is bad, no matter with whom it is. Dating and moving on - it happens.

If it is AFTER a breakup, I don't have a problem with it. May be upset if he got over me so quickly but that's cos he's thick. Obviously he's thick, I broke up with him!