what to do?

[milly's mummy]

I have no idea what to do from now, I don't even know how I feel about trying again.

I know that we have been so so blessed to have 2 DD's previously whilst on fertility but my track record since then has scared me. I've had 3 mc's in 12 months, 1 went on for 2 months not sure what happened or how far I was - possibly ectopic, 1 was a little boy at 13 weeks from food poisoning , I was so excited I thought he would be our last planned for baby. On our last icsi cycle in May I had an ectopic and my left tube removed at 7 weeks with lots of internal bleeding). I also have some endo and DH count vary's greatly.

In the 12 months we were trying with AR we did 8 cycles (5 IUI's and 2 IVF stims and 1 IVF/ICSI stim cycle). Twice I had poor egg/sperm quality and we didn't even make it to fertilisation and/or transfer. Sometimes I think I could have another go and other times I don't think I can handle any more disappointment.

I am happy to look into other things like fostering and adopting, but my DH would really like us to have one more go, and although I don't want to I feel like its just as much his decision as it is mine. I know that we're still young enough that we could wait a few years but I was really hoping to be finished having babies while I was still able to be on maternity leave, I really want to stay home with my children while they are young, but really want to go back to work once they are school age aswell. I find it really hard to work and be on fertility treatment and I don't have easy pregnancies with morning sickness and need c-sections.

The worst part is I'm not even terribly clucky anymore but still feel sad (not jealous though) when my super fertile friends keep falling pregnant with their growing families.

Sorry about the rant, how do you know when to have another go? How do you know when its time to stop?

[Kaybee]

Hi Milly'sMum - wow, you have been through a lot! I can completely understand your hesitation at jumping into something that has brought so much pain and disappointment. I'm no help because I think that you are the only one who will know if/when you want to try again. Maybe just focusing on enjoying being a mum to your DD's for a while might help make a decision either way. So sorry, I'm no help but really wanted to reply because you got me thinking/feeling so much

[milly's mummy]

Thanks Kaybee I really appreciate your feedback, from your signature it looks like you're going through things aswell. Still am nowhere near deciding what to do, but its nice to have somewhere to vent to. Thanks again!

[justjuice]

Hi Milly's Mummy.
Yes, it is very difficult to continually go through cycles with disappointment after disappointment. I think you will know when it's time to stop. As for myself, I am already thinking about quitting (currently 6th cycle without result). Really, I only have two pieces of advice. The first is to take a break if you're emotionally worn down. Take a couple of months off from doing cycles. Have a holiday, forget about it all, and when you come back you can see how you feel about going on or not. The second piece of advice is to cherish the children you do have, and be very very appreciative, because there are a lot of us here who will never know what it's like to have children.