So the ultrasound showed 'girl' and now I am nervous about how I am going to parent two little girls in a way that helps them grow to be beautiful, individual young women who can appreciate each other and get along together.
Logic tells me that I don't have a problem doing that now; after all, even if S and T were the same gender, their personalities are so different. I know that I use some different techniques with each one, and I cuddle them and read to them the same... I know that this feeling of reluctance is partly due to the whole "how will I ever love another baby the way I love the one/s I have?" that I felt before T was born, and partly (ok, mostly) due to the difficult relationship I've had with my own sister.
I want my girls to grow up without having constant competition over who's prettier or smarter or more talented. I want them to be friends and not rivals. I know that personality and their own choices will have a huge impact on whether that happens, too, but I want to establish some sort of fertile ground for a really loving sister relationship. How do I do this?!!
My mum had 3 daughters under 3 yrs old!
The 3 of us are the best of friends.
I dont know her secret... guess she just loved us all and treated us all equally, even tho the 3 of us are TOTALLY different!
If they are rivals, I don't think it can be helped. It'll just be the way they are.
As I said in another thread, my sis and I have always been rivals, our entire life. I am the weird, leftie, alternative hippy and she is the golden child with the sun shining out of her backside. It's just the way it's always been...our personalities are WAY too different, probably. We are 13 months apart and apparently, when she was born and I wa 13 months old, I pretty much had no interest in her, even then.
I am worried about having another girl and having them turn out like my sis and I, but as parents, our kid's personalities are something we probably have no control over.
I can't offer any advice as to HOW to try to establish a friendly relationship...when you find out how, please let me know! :-D
My parents tried to treat my older sister and I equally most of the time but then they fell into favourites and labels. My sister was the 'smart one', I was the 'pretty one' even if they didn't say it in so many words. Funny thing is that we became each others cheer squad- I would try and boost my sister up for things my parents wouldn't notice and visa-versa. Now she's my best friend and I love her SO much. So in short, I don't know what the secret is because even with some crummy parenting we turned out well
Thanks everyone, I guess I want a magic bullet where there is none!! I feel sad that there are sisters who are close and that I never had that with mine, so I really want it for my girls. I guess I want it for all my children, and so far, it's kind of working with S and T... perhaps I'm just over-thinking it a bit! As for personalities, my siblings and I are so, so different; I wonder even if our situation had been different, if we would have got along better anyway? We'll never know!
Angelaartsstudent, thanks for your comment on my blog - funnily enough, I thought I got so emotional over the manatee because I was pregnant too LOL I just didn't mention it in my reply because I haven't made this baby 'public' on my blog or on facebook (which I rarely frequent anyway). No real reason, just wanted to keep this baby for us for now
Sasha, you are not the only one with these thoughts!!! i just found out today, baby no 4 is a girl, i had joked to df befor, that our boys have days were they just fight and fight, (like his teen brothers) if we have another girl, they both better not turn out like his sisters!! (worse then the boys!) i was never close to my sister, im still not, i guess being 11 years older makes it hard!
every parent wants there kids to get along and be great friends! be nice if they poped out with guidlines!!!!
best of luck to raising happy kids that get along!
Angela is right - you can't stop rivalry if it is going to happen, just as you can't make them close - they have to form that bond themselves. So much of any problems goes unsaid because they internalise it and most of it is their perception of their sister and vice versa. My two girls have totally different personalities and they will fight like cats and dogs, but when they aren't fighting, they have a beautiful relationship. The fighting that they do helps teaches them what they have to do to understand each others differences and then resolve their problems and I think that will make for a stronger relationship when they are older kwim? But ultimately is it out of my hands the relationship that they will have as they grow older. I don't have a relationship with my sister - not because of the 8 year difference, it's just that she has a pretty toxic personality that thrives on having drama and I refuse to let people like that get close to me because I have no time for it. Sister or not, I will not tolerate certain behaviours. So though I'm not close to her, it doesn't mean I will do everything in my power to make my girls that the relationship I didn't have and all that baloney, I just have to teach them to appreciate each other for what they are and the rest is up to them.
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and now I am nervous about how I am going to parent two little girls in a way that helps them grow to be beautiful, individual young women who can appreciate each other and get along together.
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