Hi all the Drs keep telling me there is no reason for me to not have Angel that she was a normal healthy baby.
all the tests that have come back so far say nothing and they said the rest will take 6-9 months just wondering if you all had reasons for your sleeping babies or not cause i am just wanting closure does it ever come?
I am sorry if i have upset anyone i sometimes find it hard to get exactly what i mean to say out in words
we were given no reason for our little sleeping princes.. we were told everything was fine with me, with her and with the placenta.. quite obviously not everything was fine of she would be here now. When it first happened the midwife explained to us that most of the time they are not able to find an answer and to try not to get to hung up on it. Alot easier said than done. We too waited for the closure to come with he results and unfortunately it never came. When the results came in and said that nothing was found i was beside myself and the Dr couldnt understand why, she kept saying that it was a good thing as it ment it was nothing genetic and it should not impact us having another baby in the future. I guess it is something you only understand when you have been in those shoes.
I really hope you are able to find your closure
Please dont worry about upsetting other people, you feel how you feel and you cant do anything about it, these forums are to get all those feeling out
xx
Dabays - I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious Angel. I know our circumstances are different, my babies were not born still, but rather just born alive, but far to early to have any chance of survival. There are no reasons for my spontaneous premature labours. Although there are lots of theories. I was fortunate enough to be advised very early on that there were unlikely to be any answers. So I didn't really wait for any, well not the first time. But not having any answers is hard.... as there is nothing to focus on and direct our energies to. But on the flip side, it can also mean, for the future, that there is nothing specifically wrong either and that in the future there is a a good chance that things will work out?
I am not sure there is closure unless you want there to be? Grief is such a demanding journey, and such an individual journey, that we each find our own unique ways through it. I decided that not having answers meant that things could be ok. It was what I needed to think to help me through. So for me in a way there is closure. I don't need answers about why. I just accept that my babies died and I will not really know why. Other bereaved parents need answers. If you need an answer and they are hard to come by, then closure will be elusive.
There is no closure on grief though, although the intensity changes, and there is room for other things? Grief demands less of my time and energies now. Grief is a lifelong journey for me now, and again I accept that. There are ups and downs and moments were I am simply overwhelmed with sadness. Even when I have now a little precious baby now healthy in my arms, the grief is there. Sometimes, sadly, my little Hannah bear is a reminder of all the lost opportunities with my other babies - Amelia, Nicholas and Sophie, all of whom I held and all of whom died in mine or DH's arms.
What I am learning though is not to focus on outcomes but rather input. The input is the one thing I can influence and control, the outcome? Not so much. I loved ( and still do) each of my babies with all of my being and did ( and do) everything I could to love them and make their journey safe. For reasons beyond me, their life on this earth was not to be, but I know that they were and are still loved and that love will always surround them and guide me.
I honour them everyday in striving to live my life in love, and with compassion. I try not to think about what I could easily describe as the many ways I have failed my children, as I was not able to bring 4 of them safely into this world, as honestly, if I focused on those perceived failings, then I would never survive. Sometimes, when I am low, I do think about my failings, but then I reality test that with what I know I gave each of my children - unconditional and unending love.
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