Self resettling during day sleeps - anyone had success?

[dusty]

For the last month we have been trying to help DD resettle when she wakes from a 40 minute sleep cycle so she can have up to 1.5-2 hours (which she was doing without resettling until about 8-9 weeks). Without resettling she will just do 40 mins at a time meaning she will be exhausted within an hour and the cycle perpetuates all day.

It generally works if we persist for up to 30 mins of shhhing, patting and holding her hands (her hands keep pushing the dummy out which wakes her up even more), she doesn't cry and within minutes has her eyes closed and wants to sleep but she has a strong startle or self waking mechanism that undoes all the settling (she acts as if she is waking up from a long sleep). Once successfully resettled she will then sleep for up to 2 more hours quite easily & wakes up very happy and refreshed.

The books and MACH nurses all say she will eventually teach herself to resettle but after a month of 3-4 sleeps & resettling a day I've only seen her do it herself once. She sleeps well at night waking for feeds and only needs the occasional resettle.

Has anyone else persisted with resettling during the day and had their child go on to learn to resettle successfully?

[Visitor7]

I had to do this with DD1. It took a couple of months from memory for her to learn to resettle. At the 30 minute mark, I'd go in, and as soon as I saw the slightest flinch, I'd gently help her get back to sleep.
It does happen, but unfortunately it doesn't happen overnight
Does she like to be wrapped?

[Manhattan]

Hey Dusty

I remember my DD did exactly the same thing, and the only way I could resettle her was to rock her to sleep in my arms, but then I wasn't able to put her down as she would wake straight away. For several months, I let DD only have her 45 minute sleeps as resettling was doing my head in. I read in Pinky Mackay's book that babies will learn to sleep longer eventually, so why not just go with the flow, and if they wake, enjoy their company. After reading that, I really relaxed on the whole routine thing, and did just get DD up whenever she woke. It did mean that she would have 3 to 4 45 min sleeps during the day, but it seemed to work for us. And eventually her naps did get longer by themselves and she was self settling. I cant remember when exactly, maybe at 5 months.

So in answer to your question, no I didnt persist with resettling, but yes, DD has gone on to self settle during all her sleeps.

Hth, and know that you are doing a great job, and that this stage will pass x

[dusty]

Jodi thanks for that, she hates being wrapped with her hands down so I put her in Sleepy Wings and swaddle her slightly once settled in bed (ie have her lie on the wrap and wrap it lightly around her once she is sleepy. Her hands are amazing right from birth she has wanted access to them and this seems to work best for her as it reduces the startle while she is sleeping.

Manhattan, I just read Pinky's books and I was confused to say the least as it differed from the other books but its great to hear that it worked for you. I sometimes just give up on the settling and hold onto Pinky's advice so its great to hear it worked for you.

[onthefly]

Nope. Didn't work. The day naps sorted themselves out around 15-16 months. Glad I didn't drive myself crazy persisting all that time. They do it when they're good and ready.
She's still really young Dusty. If it's working, then great, but if not, let it go. It's just extra work for you

[FabFiona]

I was the same as the others. I tried to resettle for a while and it did my head it. But then I relaxed and just got him up. It meant he was having 3 sleeps for ages rather than 2.

Around 8 months he would occasionally have longer sleeps and at 10 months 1.5 to 2 hours in the morning is the norm rAther than the exception.

[Visitor7]

Like the others have said, it's important to know if you should just give up and get them up, or persist. With DD1, she needed the extra sleep, which is why I persisted. She didn't wake up happy if she only slept for 30 minutes.

[fionas]

I hear your pain dusty, DD2 was exactly the same which was a complete shock to the system as DD1 always had mammoth day sleeps from a very early age. I couldn't persist with trying to resettle her as there was always too much going on - DD1 to look after as well as trying to relactate so pumping in every spare moment. So, after a few weeks with no luck with the rocking, shushing etc. etc. I finally conceded defeat and just used a dummy. Didn't want to do it but something had to give. That doesn't work every single time but does most times which means everyone is saner.

She's now about three and a half months old and in the last couple of weeks she's learnt to resettle herself so yep, I think they do grow out of it so you might not have too longer to wait before it all happens naturally.

[MummaSue]

Hey Dusty,

we had the same thing and to be honest, it felt like I was constantly trying to get her to stay asleep so I just let her sleep for the 40 minutes. And yeah, I know what you mean when you say that she is tired an hour later but I just went with that. there were times when I felt that I was spending longer trying to get her to sleep than the time that she actually was asleep!! It really did sort itself out and now she has longer sleeps.

"this too shall pass"

Sue x

[Taurean]

Nope. Didn't work. The day naps sorted themselves out around 15-16 months. Glad I didn't drive myself crazy persisting all that time. They do it when they're good and ready.
She's still really young Dusty. If it's working, then great, but if not, let it go. It's just extra work for you

I agree. It's so tough hon and I completely understand (I went through hell with DD's day sleeps until 6 months!) but sometimes you stress yourself out more by trying to help them resettle. I honestly believe they often work these things out on their own.

Our DD started having awesome day sleeps at 6 months and we haven't looked back since. The story was very different for the first 6 months though. I wore DD in a sling A LOT and she had most of her day naps 'on the go' (in the sling, the pram or car). I stressed myself out no end trying to get her to sleep in her cot during the day only to be completely shattered when she woke after just 30 minutes, or she didn't sleep at all!! We tried a hammock as well (we bought a Hushamok Hammock) which worked wonders for about 4 weeks but that was it. We even went to 'sleep school' twice to see if the 'experts' could help with her day sleeps. Both times we were sent home earlier as DD had 'beaten' them, LOL.

I don't know what changed but one afternoon at 6 months she slept for 30 minutes in her cot without much fuss. The next morning she slept for 2.5 hours Besides a couple of random days when she's been sick or teething, she's been consistent. Ironically, her night sleeps were awesome until 6 months and then they went a bit awall around that time. I figure I can't have it all!

Good luck hon. It is very trying at times but it's also amazing how our little bubbas find their groove all on their own eventually.

Oh, before I forget, your DD could possibly be going through a Wonder Week (there is one around 12 weeks) and the next one (around 20 weeks) is really tough so often babies are quite unsettled between the two growth spurts.

Hugs! It does pass and it does get a lot easier!!

[dusty]

Thanks everyone your replies have given me comfort. I figure I'll persist if I feel it may work & if I have the will & energy but not every sleep. I also finally made it to my new mothers group yesterday & their similar experiences has helped. I get very anxious about her sleep, that is whether she's getting enough, so I'm trying to chill a little more but push her if I can. She is so so close most of the time but almost forces herself to wake up even though she also wants to sleep. I had a laugh with DH cause she reminds me of my sister, our egg donor, who never wants to miss out on anything LOL.

[Mummato2]

Hi Dusty,

Babies work out their night sleep before their day sleep - it's developmental.

These 40 minute naps you are getting are actually developmental and you'll find that around the 4-5 month mark she'll actually work out how to move into that next sleep cycle during her day sleep;

In the meantime you can do a few things to help along:

1) SWADDLE SWADDLE SWADDLE - LOL - this was our life saver. Use a woombie or something similar and this will help with those flailing arms.
2) If the dummy is moving into a prop at night time - meaning you need to replug it to get her to move into another sleep cycle, wean it now when she's little because it's harder to get rid of it when she's bigger. This is unless you are happy to help her resettle with it at night. Personally I was and at 9 months my DD can manage her dummy on her own.
3) Keep her day sleep and night sleep wind down routine consistent so she knows what's coming next

And lastly the most important.....go easy on yourself xxx this WILL get better and much of what you've described is developmental. If you go easy you'll figure it out and not go nuts (easy to do I know LOL)

[~Trish~]

I feel your pain too Dusty, I went through it with all three of mine. It totally does your head in trying to get them to do more than one cycle .

Each of my bubs was different, so I don't know if there really is a definite answer to doing it.

The best success I had was with DS2. He would wake up at 40 minutes on the dot, so I started sneaking into his room at about 35 minutes. I'd try keep myself out of view and as soon as he started to stir (he'd sigh and wriggle) I would start gently patting his tummy. This would help him go into the next sleep cycle. I have to say that it didn't work every time, but I found it would usually work for at least one of his 3 naps a day. This improved over time until he worked out how to do it himself and I didn't need to go back in there any more.

DS1 was having his day naps in a baby hammock at that age and I would just bounce him back to sleep when he woke up, it worked wonderfully, but not everyone owns a hammock LOL! He eventually learned how to bounce himself back to sleep .

With DD I just didn't have the time to go in and pat her back to sleep because I had two others to look after so I had to just go with the flow. She did eventually work it out for herself. She is still inconsistant with the length of her naps (sometime's they're just one cycle, sometimes they're longer), but she's learned to deal with what sleep she's had and I'll just put her down a bit earlier for the next sleep if she didn't have a very good one the first time.

DD would always fight her wraps as well, but I just made it even harder for her to get unwrapped and she definitely slept better wrapped. Some babies are different though, I guess that's why they don't come with a manual .

I hope you find something that works for you too! But the best thing you can do is try your best to relax and go with what you've got (hard I know!).