Why do I STILL feel this way????
AArrrggghhh!
i still can't get rid of the stabbing jealousy that grabs me when I find out about people I know falling pregnant easily.
A friend back home just feel pregnant in her FIRST MONTH! Dude, seriously????
But why do I still feel that horrible envy bubble up in me, I have my gorgeous DD!!! I thought that the LTTTC feelings would subside but they haven't.
It amazes me that people fall pregnant naturally anyway, after having done IVF and seeing what an exact science it is. It truly blows my mind that people fall pregnant without assistance. Weird hey?
AARRGGGHH, just needed to get that out.
Registered User
You know what blows me? Accidental pregnancies while on contraception. Seriously, knowing how hard it is to fall pregnant when trying... I just... head wall. Your feelings are totally normal, you have been down a life altering path and it doesn't go away when we have kids.
Oh yeah, I'm still there. I got a text from a good friend today announcing her pregnancy. My first feeling was resentment, and then I reminded myself that she's actually a LTTTC girl, so my final response was "YAAYYYY!!!" But the baggage of LTTTC is pervasive and I think long term. I don't think it ever goes away, so don't beat yourself up for feeling it.
To help me deal with it, I remind myself that everyone has their own battles - whilst they may have conceived easily, they have other challenges facing them which I may not know about. It would also be nice if they really appreciated the pain of LTTTC, but that's not likely to happen until they've walked in our shoes.
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Thanks guys.
I think what is annoying me too is that people keep telling me that I'll probably fall pregnant naturally now that I've done IVF.And whilst that is a lovely romantic notion, it's unlikely to happen as my fallopian tubes are so blocked they might as well not be there.
Good to know I'm not alone xxxx
Oh I know! It's so frustrating. Everyone has a story of "someone I know went through IVF then fell pregnant naturally" so therefore they think that will happen to me. It invalidates the experience and suggests that the previous LTTTC journey was "just one of those things."
I think what is annoying me too is that people keep telling me that I'll probably fall pregnant naturally now that I've done IVF.
Registered User
Ah... those same people who tell you to go on a holiday and you will probably come back pregnant? UghOh I know! It's so frustrating. Everyone has a story of "someone I know went through IVF then fell pregnant naturally" so therefore they think that will happen to me. It invalidates the experience and suggests that the previous LTTTC journey was "just one of those things."
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
....Or get really drunk, that'll do the trick
I'm with Seph, I try to remember that we all have our 'things'.
And it is amazing to think that people can just get pregnant - never happened to me.
Registered User
I hear that ALL THE TIME! Drives me crazy, and I'm not even a LTTTCer. Arrrghh! It's because you never hear the stories of people it *didn't* happen to, because, well, that's not a story, that's just what happens.Oh I know! It's so frustrating. Everyone has a story of "someone I know went through IVF then fell pregnant naturally" so therefore they think that will happen to me. It invalidates the experience and suggests that the previous LTTTC journey was "just one of those things."
I'm not really in the same crowd, but we did have a bit of a journey to get here, and I also struggle with pregnancy announcements sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but very often I do.
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I often feel the emotions on the otherside of the coin. The guilt of being pregnant. It took us 13 years to conceive DD so I know the pain & heart ache of LTTTC and felt guilty my turn finally arrived. I HAD a dear friend that was TTC for 2 years we would talk / vent about every 2nd day or so, share any info we found on fertility we thought would help us, be there for each other through painful investigations ect... Then I fell pregn with DD & I could see how hurt she was. stopped venting to me, calling me all of our usual 'be-there-for-each-other' times. Then when I reached the 2nd tri, She just completely wiped me as a friend all together.
This time I fell pregn with DD2 a little too easily and the 1st thing I felt was pure guilt for all the LTTTC I have/had, and feared telling them.
I do however feel anger towards those who fall pregnant so easily who I think don't deserve to have children. I'm sure you all know the type I mean.
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You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Especially since it's not just petty jealousy like wanting your friends new car, but complete justified jealousy-for wanting a family!
A good friend of mine, we grew up together, graduated together, got married 2 months apart, started TTC together, she fell PG and now she is due valentines day! I was happy when she told me she was 8 weeks along, but i had just found out that i would need help to fall PG and i couldn't talk to her anymore. She called and called and i just kept making excuses. But I finally spoke to her and told her the troubles I was having TTC and she realised why I hadn't called.
It is very hard to be happy for someone who achieves something you so desperately want, so easily.
Yeah, pregnancy comes with its share of baggage whether it took 1 month or 10 years to fall pregnant. I've had one miscarriage (from a freak natural pregnancy just after I had an HSG to try to unblock my tubes), some people have several. We were lucky to have IVF work first time, I know that some people have to do it many many times.
Pregnancy was the most mentally challenging thing I've ever been through in my life. I had a fairly "easy" pregnancy - was sick as a dog but I quite liked that, it was reassuring but I was stressed out of my box every day thinking that something was going to go wrong. And not once in my pregnancy did I ever take for granted that I would be taking home a baby at the end of it. Hell, I didn't buy anything until I was 35 weeks and even then I was scared I'd have to return it. It wasn't nice spending the 9 months in that state of fear. I hope that if(when) I get pregnant again I can enjoy that pregnancy more.
As for the comments from others, when we were in the midst of our IVF cycle, DH received a text message from his mother to ask us why we were even bothering with "that IVF" as it's expensive and she doesn't actually know anyone that it's worked for (WTF?) and that we should just "get stuck into that nice Aussie wine"
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Sue x
Registered User
You're definitely not alone. Two years on and it still hurts. Probably because the state of my health means that more children isn't going to be an option.Thanks guys.
I think what is annoying me too is that people keep telling me that I'll probably fall pregnant naturally now that I've done IVF.
Good to know I'm not alone xxxx
I also get really mad about the "you'll probably fall naturally now" comments. It does completely invalidate what you've been through. People tell me that my body knows what to do now that I've carried and birthed one child. Hmmm... don't think that has any influence on DH's mutant sperm or the fact that I needed three different drugs to sustain a pregnancy (and am now only taking one of them) and the fact that my arthritis is so bad that I have to take medications that are so scary in pregnancy (category X) that even knowing about the infertility issues that both me and DH have, both my OB and my rheumy insisted that I go on the pill. Yeah, it will happen naturally now. Sure.
Don't mean to take over with my own vent, but you are most definitely not alone!
BW
You're not taking over at all hun, kind of why I started the thread in the first place - I KNOW that you girls know what I'm on about!
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The whole "your body knows what to do now" argument is really hurtful. Clearly, my body doesn't. I had a "friend", who I shared with after TTC for three cycles. She asked "OMG, what's wrong with you?". Great... it's made me not want to talk about TTC, or our plans for more kids, with anyone. My family is forever asking us when are we going to give DD1 a playmate, and I always say we aren't, just because I know how insensitive they would be if they found out.
Registered User
Hi Ladies,
So glad to hear that I am not alone on this one! I too feel the jealously monster rear its ugly head when hearing of anyone falling pregnant
I still keep a watchful eye on the LTTTC and 2WW threads - I'm not really sure why, I just do. I guess LTTTC really never leaves you???
Oh, and I so so agree with the whole you'll get pregnant naturally next time thing! We are lucky enough to have 5 frozen bubs and have decided to not tell anyone (bar family) when we try for our second - it's just too much pressure and I kinda want to have the experience of being able to surprise everyone that we are pregnant like normal people instead of them constantly asking how the IVF is going!
oxoxo
Registered User
:yeahthat: not weird at all IMO.
I hope you can give yourself a break on how you feel. I think its a trained reaction from years of disappointment, it doesn't just vanish overnight. I think it will ease over time for me but I have to say I think I will always be amazed to hear of people falling pg naturally. I have 4 very close couple friends going through AC ATM. I kind of paved the way for them and they see DD as a sign of hope, but I'm just so sad they as now experiencing what we have. I feel for them every time someone announced their pg news.
ETA
Oh I know! It's so frustrating. Everyone has a story of "someone I know went through IVF then fell pregnant naturally" so therefore they think that will happen to me. It invalidates the experience and suggests that the previous LTTTC journey was "just one of those things.":yeahthat: x 2!
I think people just only want to hear good news and think good things. Facing up to hard realities like failure to conceive is just so taboo in our society. No one wants to talk about it or acknowledge that it can and does happen, and that sometimes for example you fall pg easily the first time and spend years with secondary infertility. Its a reality for too many.
BW I really feel for you. Having to explain or even defend something so personal in the face of people thinking it is all so easy is so painful
I've started telling people we are not having a number 2 and that DD will be an only child. Their first reaction is normally, oh no don't you want to give her a sibling/ don't you have frozen embryos/ or I'm sure it will happen naturally now that you have been pg with DD (& they know I used donor eggs!). I'm honest to the point of bluntness now, 'No I feel I'm too old now/ I want to move on forwards with my life/ I can't go through it all again/ We are happy and incredibly lucky and grateful to have DD and as a family its healthier for us to be a family of 3/ I'm plan to go on birth control as soon as I need to...etc etc'
Last edited by dusty; December 5th, 2010 at 10:34 AM. : ETA
BellyBelly Member
I hear you all, We are in the situation that we are finished having babies and have our 2 beautiful boys. I physically cant have another pregnancy and emotionaly are done, but I still feel the stabbing jealousy of other peoples pregnancies, and the fact that my BF keeps telling me that I am going to fall preg naturally and have a girl even though DH is getting the snip, gives me the *****.
I really think that it is natural for us LTTTCers to have these feelings and we are here to support each other through the tough times.
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