VENT- My family just sucks.

[MrsFabuloso]

DH and I have recently moved 800km away from my family in Sydney, to the outback. It is for 4yrs only and then we will move back to the east coast, closer to family. Last night I was on the phone to my mum, just for a chat and she told me my brother was going to be having a holiday with his family (wife and 2 kids) on a house boat with friends over christmas (actually over christmas too, not just during the holidays). How wonderful for him, you say? Well, yes, that is lovely. Except that when we moved out ehre 7mths ago he told me that he and his family would come out here to see us over the chrissy holidays. But then when we were visiting Sydney in august he told me he couldn't afford the trip out here and wouldn't be comeing, and wouldn't be doing anything.
Whilst it is a long drive to get out here (about 7-8hrs) and I know petrol isn't cheap, surely coming here wouldn't cost half as much as a house boat for 2wks?! He would stay with us at our home. His kids are 6 and almost 10, they could do the drive in a day. Just fill an esky with some munchies and off they go. We have done the drive in a day with two kids and me being (at the time)28wks pg.
I'm so upset over this. I had a rant to my mum and I think I upset her. I know it's not her fault and I didn't mean to whine to her, but I really am just so sad that my bro has totally fobbed us off. He was so adamant they were coming and if anyone were to come out here, i truely thought it would be him. I am so disappointed. Mum said she was planning on coming out here, but has been suffereing with bad anxietly and depression and never takes a second though to tell me it all started when I left Sydeny and that she could never leave her family 'like that' and she would just miss her mum too much and would go nuts being all alone in the middle of nowhere. I highly doubt she will ever make it out here. I could almost hear her thinking 'Well YOU moved out there, what do you expect?'. Well, I expected some support. Some understanding thet DH and I are trying to do waht's best for us and our children. Noone else will come to see us. It makes me so sad. I feel so alone.
I have been awake half the night thinking about it all. And also thinking how mum and my bro in particular, always say how much family means to them. How important it is. Yep, obviously. I was trying to remember good times, the most memorable times, when I really did feel important, a priority to them. But I had so much trouble doing it. I'm so sad about this. They will help financially when they can, which is wonderful. But I dont want money. I want time. Experiences, being a priority to them and feeling loved. I would leave all the gifts and money behind if I felt like I meant the world to them and taht they would drop everything to be here for me. But I knwo they wouldn't. They won't. All I have is DH and my babies. And I am so sad about that.

[Mum2Romone]

oh honey my family isn't visiting us either and its only five hours away....and they are giving me the biggest guilt trip..... DS will miss out on all his family, and all this crap.... Hmmmm drive to see us. We are the ones that can't come to see you..... Totally get how you feel honey ... Hope you have a great Christmas with YOUR family !!!! At home

[Kazzo]

Big . I know how you feel about not been a priority in your mothers or brothers life in anyway. I get the same. My brother who is godfather to DD1 would not even give up 1 days work to come to her christening and my mother has always made it obvious that my brother comes before me. My mum lives over 10 hours away now and that suits me fine. I guess I am just lucky to have the most amazing father and my own wonderful little family.

Merry Christmas to you, I hope that you and your family will still have a wonderful Christmas together.

[Arcadia]

No advice, but I grew up without extended family because of this situation...people get wrapped up in their own lives, and can't see the bigger picture sometimes.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas!!

[Arimeh]

I'm sorry lovely lady

Wish I could come and spend xmas with you - think the kids would have a ball!

[Onelittleprincess]

Hubbys parents live around the corner from us. They haven't been over and seen our little girl in nearly 2 months but have driven an hour to see hubby's sister and 2 kids at least every 2nd week (and speak to them constantly). They won't be seeing us on christmas either. His parents are going to the sisters place - which I'll add that we haven't even been really been asked to go (come if u want were the words) or advised wether it is lunch or tea.

My advice. It's them that are missing out not u or ur kids

ETA -- hubby got a msg today from his sister saying 'r u definatly not coming on christmas'. Gee there's a way to make us feel welcome especially considering all we gave said is we don't know

[BrightSparkles]

Big HUgs hun. I know the feeling. xxxxx

[~Kim~]

That is pretty mean on their part.
babe. This is one post I truely can empathise with.....

[Jewel]

[chepie]

Oh hun hugs xoxox.... I understand how you feel... my dad who lives 3 hours away (retired) hasn't even met Charlotte who 14 months and has seen Aiden who is 3 yrs old twice!!! I am struggling with the whole family thing too and sucks at Christmas...... Outback NSW must interesting, where about are you?

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Oh that sucks. Dh's family think we are'too' far out because we live 6 mins away from them towards the city from them. They told us that we were stupid for buying'so far away' and they always make it out to be sooo flippin hard for them to see us.
Now that is 6 mins. Not hours.
Its always our fault for moving away'so far' so we are meant to make the effort to see family and friends.. Its so stupid.
Although our case is not involving big distance like yours, I do know how you feel!

[Curlygirly]

Ah I'm sorry hunny, yeah families can be such a pain and they don't even understand how their actions can hurt so much.

Big hug

[BeautifulMadness]

My Xmas this year is highly complicated...me and my sister are no longer on speaking terms. So all usually go to my mums buuut we now have to arrange who gets what times and for how long blah blah...all cause my sis all about herself and no one else matters and she decided to start a fight with me infront of my children.....

[Kazbah]

[AwesomeFoursome]

Family suck. My mil can't put off going camping at a dam by 1 day to meet her grandchild before she goes . I am mad about it in one way but I'm also over it. She only visits when she has to, DD won't go to her because she doesn't know her and she lives in the same town. Dh and I are thinking about moving down near my parents because at lease they would want to see their grandchildren. I hope you have a great Christmas with your Dh and kids.

[boomba]

I know the feeling xx

[MrsFabuloso]

Thankyou everyone, though I'm sad for those of you whose families are less than what you want them to be, what they should be, it helps me feel normal that mine are just as pathetic. It's not just me, kwim?

I'm coming to terms with the fact they're just not what I want or what I think family is/should be I guess. Still making me really sad at times though. I'm hoping I can instill some better family values into my own children.

I reread my original post and it makes me sound kinda ungreatful for my gorgeous family that I have (as in my children and hubby) and I am soooo not. They are absolutely precious to me and I love them beyond words. We will have a lovely time at christmas. I can't wait to see them marvel at opening pressies and having a ball with them. I am hoping I have the energy to make a lovely lunch and some other chrissy goodies. We can watch some soppy christmas shows and sing some silly chrissy carols! We have also been invited to chrissy breaky at a friends we have made out here with some of the other families who are staying here over chrissy. There are alot of us who will be alone this christmas, so we have to make the most of it together.

It just makes me really sad that the people who should be thinking about us the most and doing things for us, are the ones who blow you off and hurt you so much. I guess for me my bro just hasn't really thought about it, or maybe just doesn't realise how much a visit would mean to us, even though every time I spoke to him I asked when he was coming to visit....or maybe I should just stop making excuses and realise the fact that he just couldn't be bothered.

[Mildez]

No advice, but I grew up without extended family because of this situation...people get wrapped up in their own lives, and can't see the bigger picture sometimes.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas!!

Agreed.

If it makes you feel any better I can come visit you (not that I'm family so not the same)