out of control 3 year old.. please help

[*noni*e*]

ok i feel bad saying this but my 3yo is driving me crazy!! i know its a phase lots of kids go through but shes doing the, get up early before everyone else and destroy things and be naughty thing.. its driving me insane, every day i dont know what i will wake up to and its usually my stuff shes wrecking. its not like i lay in bed all day either im up early, usually around 7 but she gets up earlier and sneaks around quietly.. weve got the same problem with her coming into our bed, i can take her back heaps of times but then she just waits and sneaks in when we are sleeping..
i have a pre existing mental illness and am currently going through new treatment and im feeling like this is all too much to handle. i dont know what to do with her, weve tried smacking, time outs, talking to her, star charts, taking away privledges but she just doesnt stop being naughty..
i feel really guilty coz there is a lot of stress in the home atm and she is a very emotional child and i just dont know what to do or say to her or how to approach the situation. her behaviour is out of control, she hurts her brother (1) when she is angry and he comes near her too which is something im struggling with.. i feel like im starting to favour him over her because shes so naughty all the time and i feel horrible about it because the way i see her react to things and how emotional she is she is very similar to me..
anyway can anyone give me any suggestions on how to deal with her? and perhaps how to get our relationship in a better place so that when she is naughty like this i dont feel resentment towards her..
please dont judge me i know all this stuff sounds horrible but thats why im trying to fix it and i am struggling with a serious mental illness at the same time..

[~Trish~]

Oh big hugs . No one would even THINK about judging you, I can guarantee that lots of others have walked in your shoes.

I am definitely no expert, but I know my DS1's behaviour went downhill when he turned 3. He was so naughty and I felt like I was telling him off 24/7, it felt so awful to always have him in the naughty corner and to always be speaking negatively towards him. I'm SURE this affected both of us in a bad way, but I didn't know what else to do.

One day I had a brainwave to focus on his positive behaviour and pay little attention to his negative behaviour. I had a small white board and he would get one "point" when he did something positive (like help clean up, be nice to his brother, using manners, etc...). I made a big deal about his positive behaviour and whenever he had 5 points, he could chose a treat (I had a container with balloons, stickers and whistles). I persevered and it worked SO well that his behaviour changed for the better pretty quickly. I know you've already tried star charts, but it might be worth trying again and focusing on the positives? Coming from a positive place really does make a huge difference with kids (and adults!). I know it's hard and I'm sure with a mental illness it won't be as easy as I'm making it out to be.

One suggestion for the getting up early and wrecking things (big hugs about that by the way ), you could try the night before by saying, "If you stay in bed quietly in the morning until I come in to get you, I will take you to your favourite park [or insert other favourite place/thing]". Maybe suggest she could play quietly if she's woken early with some toys or look through some books in her bed? Then the next morning follow through and if she has stayed in bed make a big deal about it and take her to the park, but if she hasn't then make a point of saying something like "That's a shame you got out of bed early, I was looking forward to taking you to the park. Maybe tomorrow you'll stay in bed?" and just leave it at that.

I don't know if these are helpful suggestions, but they work well with my own kids .

Please know you are not alone and you aren't doing anything wrong. The age of 3 is a classic age where they will push the boundaries.

I hope things start to improve for you soon .

[Arimeh]

I'm pretty sure DS went through a stage like that at her age. And he did get over it, most of it was because he wanted to do so much more independent stuff than I would let him because he wasn't ready for it. He's nearly 4 now and he's getting to be a pretty good kid (apart from the occasional whinge session!)

DD1 on the other hand - now she's painful!!! Hurting her siblings etc.

I can't remember how we survived it with DS, every day just seemed to be a nightmare, then every second day, then every third day - now its probably a day a month that he is really bad. I tried to give him lots of activities to do, or if all else failed - sent him outside to play!!! lol

So no advice from me - just lots of sympathy and hugs. xoxox