Dealing with Negative Self-image?

[Cranky Kitten]

My beautiful girl is just shy of 9 years old. She is fairly tall for her age, but healthy and active, she's definitely not fat - if anything she's a skinny little beanpole.

Most of the time she's just a happy kid and goes about her usual business but every so often it gets into her head that she is fat, that she is ugly and needs to be on a diet. I think part of the influence has come from the behaviour and attitude of her 16 year old half sister (my ex's older daughter) as well as possibly from some of the kids at her school.

I tell her that she is beautiful, that she is perfect the way she is and that being healthy is the most important thing.

*sigh* It makes me so sad and angry that there is so much negative body image crap around that even a young child can be made to feel that she isn't good enough.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Is there a friend of YOURS that she gets on well with? Sadly, teenage girls can be horrible, and she's not likely to get any encouragement from them. When I was a teen my Mum was friends with this gorgeous woman who was always telling us how beautiful we were, always boosting us up in a hundred different ways. In hindsight she wasn't saying anything different o what Mum said, but we listened to her because Mum HAD to think we were pretty, but she didn't

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

To be honest, body image started years ago. It starts when someone comments on looks - which is almost straight after birth. No other factor about a child is mentioned to them. Just sleeping skills, toilet skills (ie if you are "good" or not) and looks. Even at school, it's mostly looks. If at 9 you start repeating the negative then it has been going on a lot longer.

Just as a warning, you may have your work cut out for you.

I'd agree with Keike - have other people compliment your daughter. Her dad would be a top one right now, but a grandfather or favourite uncle would do wonders. Other women is great if they will do it sincerely. I had a great-uncle who my mother wrote off as "a dreadful flirt" whenever he was nice to me and told me I should never listen to him, but I loved seeing him because he was one of the few people who dared defy my mother's "no compliment" rule.

I love to compliment young girls on their outfit, their hair, their manners, their kindness, their dancing... you can see how much they appreciate it when their face lights up. People should be nicer! It makes you feel so much better than nastiness. Try it with people other than your daughter too - it's so important to see the good in people and let them see the good in themselves. It also helps avoid the situation you're in now.