Just making it worse....rewards and incentives

[beckoes]

DD is 27 months. she has always been quite well behaved. recently she started hitting alot and became very demanding. all quite normal stuff but things i wanted to put a stop to. i have always just explained stuff to her and said that hitting makes me sad and not to do it and that has worked up till now, now she says hitting is good/nice and will just wack you in the face.
in the last few months she started watching more and more tv. only a few things i will let her watch. i wondered if this was casueing the change in behaviour so we have made a half an hour time slot after afternoon sleep and before dinner where she can watch some tv.
we have also been trying to stop breast feeding to sleep, to atempt to make it easier when bub # 2 comes along, its been months and she doesnt feed to sleep anymore but now i have to sit with her for an hour till she goes to sleep. there is no way she could miss the afternoon sleep. she will spend an hour trying to get off the bed before she passes out!

ANYWAY, il get to my point!!! She is just getting worse and to be honest i dont really feel comfortable with the way im doing things but i dont know what else to do. i feel im using too much of a reward and incentive based system at the moment, i.e. if you hit me you cant watch any tv. if you get off the bed you cant do this....or that....etc. and it has spread into other areas....If you do A/B/C then you can do/have something you want.

Now she is screaming more, hitting more, yelling more, telling me NO more, i dont know if its just the natural progression of the behaviour that had already started, if its just the excitment of the season or if its the way im handling it thats making it worse!!

Please, someone wise and knowledgable, tell me what to do...or not to do!

[misty]

Honestly, I think it is just the age.
It sucks but all three of mine have gone through this stage at one point or another - my youngest is not much over one, and has started already! He screams, he hits, he bites, he says 'no', he throws tantrums. I am hoping because he hit this stage at an earlier age he may grow out of it quicker? probably wishful thinking

All you can do, in my experience, is be consistant. It is horrible sometimes, all you feel like you are ever doing is handing out punishment after punishment somedays, but consistancy really is the key. I try to use 'praise' as the reward if I can, but have been known to resort to outright bribery on occaision. If I can see something that is likely to become and issue, I try to intervene early and redirect: but even that is hit and miss. The reason people use the rewards / punishment methods, is because they do work (at least sometimes, and in the long term).

But as they say "this too shall pass" (and of course along will come a new challenge) and in the meantime, just remember it IS normal.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

hun i'm not wise or knowledgeable but i think it has a LOT to do with their age.
DD1 is starting to push the boundaries more, telling me NO MUM or snatching things and getting very frustrated at things.

For me i think it is the fact that she seems to 'grown up' for her age that i guess i expect a little more from her than i should, YES she understands when i tell her things but then i think she really is still a little girl who is MEANT to test the waters and find the boundaries.

I don't have any advice hun, i think your doing a wonderful job and it all comes with time.

[Arimeh]

Sounds like the age to me. And I don't think taking things away from them is a bad way to parent, they have to learn that their actions come with consequences, and there isn't much that means much to them these days.. LOL

I don't usually take tv away or anything, or use that as a reward though - I'm more of a "reward with a cuddle" or nice drink or something like that - and punish with being sent to the corner. Usually just the threat of being sent to the corner is enough to stop the bad behaviour.

DD1 is very rough at the moment though, and very disobedient - so its definitely the age