3 yo won't go to sleep without me...

[Melody7]

Our son is 3.3yrs and we've just had another child (6wks ago). Our DS is having a lot of trouble going to sleep without me in his physical presence. He slept with us/in our room for the first 2yrs and then decided of his own accord to move his mattress into his clothing room and that's where he now sleeps (unless he comes into our big bed with us at times).

Leading up to our daughter's birth and then since, he doesn't want my husband to put him to bed and will keep coming out to find me. He's been saying tonight that he just needs more mummy time and I'm beginning to wonder if I just need to accept that at this stage of his life, and with everything that's happening, that he needs to reconnect with me at night - after all, he is a very busy and active 3 yo during the day and my arms are taken up with a baby most of the time.*

We're trying to alternate the nights that we put him to bed. I've tried giving him a snuggle and some Mummy milk before dad takes him, but he invariably leaves dad in search of me at some stage... much to my DH's frustration.

I'm really keen for some advice from AP/natural/gentle parenting families regarding how best to deal with this situation because I'm beginning to not look forward to the night-time routine.

[Barb Glare]

Hi,
For years I went to bed *very early* and have since found out that many others, including very high profile types, have too. My children loved going to bed with me, and while I initially resisted, it meant I got the rest I needed to. We were all very early risers. We would all snuggle down in the family bed and sleep. At one stage we had two large beds on the go and it anyone was irritable, one of us would take them to the other bed and sleep with them. This stage doesn't last forever (though there are times when you swear it has) When I worked I always felt it was a good time to conect with my children (while we were asleep) even though we weren't together during the day. I even put a TV in my bedroom to amuse me while I cuddled them to sleep.

[Melody7]

Hi Barb, thanks for your advice. Last night I cuddled him to sleep - but that was because I'm away atm and DS is sleeping with DH in a QS bed. Are you suggesting I move my son back into our big family bed for his sleep?

DH & I had a chat last night & we've come to a conclusion - that the whole point of attachment parenting is to create a secure attachment, and for some reason, that attachment is a bit thin/threatened at the moment. We're going to keep alternating us both putting him to bed, but on DH's nights, I'll come in at the end as he's going to sleep, and stay in his room if necessary. We just want to regain his trust and confidence in this area.

Would it be worth getting a single sized bed so we can give him bigger body snuggles if necessary? Hmmm

[Twin Sister]

We were in the same boat. My 3yr old won't go to sleep without me there either. If I try to put him in his own bed he cries down the house. We have a 6 month old who is the same though so I find it difficult some nights. I crawl into bed with both kids, then when DH comes to bed he moves our sleeping 3yr old to his bed. The thing is sometimes I don't WANT to go to bed that early and I get really frustrated HAVING to go to bed in order to get him to sleep.

[YoYo]

I'm in this exact same boat too

My DS is 3 too and tells us he just wants us to stay with him. I have my DD who is 8 months and is currently doing the same thing. It's pretty hard as I can't split myself in two and be with them both.

We've just moved overseas so ATM are living in temporary accommodation until we get a house where I hope we can get into more of a routine/regular pattern so that things are predictable for DS. He's such a sensitive little thing and I just can't deny him of cuddles if he needs and wants them. I don't want to miss out on them either. I love it, although at times I find it really doesn't do much for DH and I connecting....just got to find a balance.

Hope you can sort it out soon.

[Barb Glare]

The family bed is perfect for such circumstances - no need to try and split yourself, just bring them in with you

[Twin Sister]

We do the family bed but there just isn't enough room for us all and I end up having a terrible sleep.

[Kmn]

My DS has a QS mattress on the floor - that way he has space to play in his bed (which is his way of winding down) and then shove the books and jigsaws out of the way to sleep. We have somewhere comfy to lie and cuddle him if he wants cuddles too.
And most importantly, when he is asleep we don't have to put him anywhere else and wake him up!