My boys have been through a traumatic event and I am concerned how it will effect them.
I don't want them to close up, to not talk about how they feel....rather I want them to open up, to be able to talk...to understand that it in no way undermines your manhood to admit you need help.
I tell them and encourage them to talk but is it enough?
Last edited by RainbowBrite; January 30th, 2011 at 12:33 AM.
So sorry for your loss and that your little ones have lost their dad.
I'm no expert, but I think the key is to communicate. If we are open and honest with our kids and allow them to open and honest with us, then that can teach them that it's ok to takl about things. Rather than dismissing our kids - "oh, that's nothing", "don't be silly", "not now", etc - we should hear them. That shows them that it's safe to tell us things. In fact that they can tell us anything and we will listen. In return, we should be likewise open about what we are feeling.
Anyway, it's a theory. I guess it's something you have to work out together, figuring it out as you go.
Thank you for your response.
I have always encouraged communication with all my kids and never belittle their thought or fears.
Maybe I am just being an overprotective mumma...it just stresses me that it is not going to be enough.
i'm so sorry for your loss Rainbow.
i vaguely remember a section in the book 'Raising Boys' that talks about this kind of stuff. Have you had a read of that book? it's a great book for mummas of boys.
My father committed suicide 3 months before my 21st birthday, 7 years on I still don't have my head around it.
All I can suggest is professional help. I "stepped up" when it all happened, kept everyone else going and then 12months later I hit the wall. I really wish I would have listened to everyone and sought help a lot sooner.
Rainbow Brite I just bought Raising Boys from an op shop (figured $1 if its crap meh) and I have only got about a 3rd of the way through but its amazing. There are so many things Ive read in it that just having started implamenting with DS over the last 2 days are making a difference. It gets broken into ages and stages and is so easy to follow I was so impressed I went op shopping today to find Raising Girls and Secrets To Happy Children (which I scored BTW and the sequel to it).
I simply tell my boys that whenever they need to talk then talk. and if they aren't comfortable with mum or dad then they have 3 fantastic grandparents to talk to and aunts and uncles.. but the important thing is to talk..
If they cry over something sad I don't tell them they are silly I tell them it is nice to see them showing their emotions. My eldest is a very sensitive child and he cops a lot at school for being so but I tell him one day he will make a lovely husband who is willing to share his feelings and cry when he feels like it. I said no matter that you are a boy you can cry and feel sad
How do we teach our boys it is ok to open up?
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