BIL is in custody right now for a crime he and some others committed, he has an upcoming court date and i want to go to support him but i am at a crossroads as i in no way support his actions.
Ordinarily he has been a pretty decent kid, typical teenage male but all in all a good kid, we get on great, he loves his nieces, DP and I have no idea what caused him to do what he did..
How do i support him without it seeming like i condone what he did...
Maybe you need to say you are supporting him to get back on track. You are not happy with what he did and your support begins from now to move him forward into a positive part of his life so he doesn't do anything like again.
Almost like saying I see you have gone somewhere I don't approve of and I want to help you turn your life back on track from now on....
If he is a genuinely good kid then this is possibly the wake up call that he needs to get him back on track.
Tell him that what he did was bad and that you in no way support it and that he should have known better etc etc etc and tell him that despite all that you will support him through what will be a very difficult time so long as he tells the truth and takes his punishment whatever that may be and make very clear that if it happens again that support will not be so forthcoming.
Also, does he have a lawyer? A court appearance isn't something that you want to go into cold. Specially if there are other kids involved as well.
There are things that he can do before the court date to show the magistrate that he is genuinely sorry. Things like paying restitution, taking an anger management course, volunteering. Depends a bit on what he did as to what would be appropriate.
Good luck. And good on you for sticking by him despite his actions.
Im not sure if he has a Lawyer, we havent been able to speak to him and MIL has been a wreck, he already had a court date last week and he has to go back next week.
When my brother got into trouble when he was younger i always supported him. I went every time he was in court, i went to every youth justice appt with him. I had told him previously that i was not at all happy with what he had done but he is my brother and no matter what i will always support him. I always wanted the best for him and he knew that.
From working in the 'industry' I have seen what supporting people, or conversely not supporting people can do, especially to impressionable teens.
It greatly depends on the kind of fella he is. If he 'just mucked up' and was influenced by peer pressure, he's most likely smart enough to work out not to do it again. When other young people feel they are a lost cause some adopt the 'no one cares about me, therefore I don't care about me, I may as well get in deeper' - so I'd go along. There are some real horrible people out there that make crime look attractive to young impressionable people, so its important to keep those people at bay - and usually strong family ties and a good support network can help with that too.
Someone in my family was in a VERY similar, if not the same situation. His lawyer told hjs parents to get all of his family to go to the court for all his hearings as support. He said the more people there were supporting him in the court room the better. He was conviced and jailed, it was heartbreaking but at the same time it was good for him to have all of his family there for him.
I didn't agree with what he had done and knew he was guilty but I went because he was my cousin and regardless of what he had done I love him dearly. I'm glad I went, we all got time to give him a hug before they took him away.
I think you should be there for him regardless of whether you think he's right or wrong. He is family and would appreciate the support.
I went to the initial hearing but the stupid court board had the wrong court room so i sat through all these random court cases and never got to see his, i felt so bad not being there that i think if i didnt go to this next one id regret it.
Registered User
I Want To Support Him...
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks