Am i being to honest? I've told work that DS is due to IVF.

[farmgirl77]

Hi all,

I started a new job 7 months ago at a small (50 people) workplace - much different from the large govt dept I was working at.

Because it is small, the 'issue' of women going on mat leave is more pronounced - so much so that it is common for people to ask those who might/ or do have kids 'when is the next one due'! (not that it is a negative, people honestly just want to be able to budget for the event - it is not ment to be mean or negative in anyway) After the last comment, I actually told the individual (a guy from accounts that my DS was due to IVF and going back for a second was not really on the plans at the moment. I was not going to make this info public but I was kind of sick of being asked.

Is this too much info to be passing on? I really feel that it is none of their business, but if it means the comments stop (which are had to handle) I wonder if it is worth it?

Any other ideas on 'smart' comments that I could retort with

Thanks
FG

[~Lashes~]

you could tell them that right now you are enjoying your ds, and if there is ever a no2 they will hear it from you first if and when you want to tell them,
or if a male asks, (helps if they have a belly) ask when there going to pop?

[Queen]

Its your choice hun
I just think if you want the comments to stop, just say there is a possiblity for number 2, but not in the near future.

[Possums]

I personally dont think it's too much information to share, it's an individual choice of course, but people at work know I have been going through IVF
hope you dont get too many more questions

[RhiChiChi]

I don't think you are being too honest - their question is fairly blunt!

[onthefly]

I dont' see any issue with sharing that info really - I'm quite open about my 'artificial' babies
The question is a bit annoying....

[toomanyshoes]

I think you should share whatever info your comfortable sharing

I also worried at DH work functions when people would ask if we wanted more "oh maybe" etc but now I'm to the point "yes, we've been trying for almost 4 years" it stops most of them in their tracks but hey I figure if they are asking they should be prepared for any answer.

[TaRhLi.]

I think now IVF babies are much more common there isn't that "stigma" that used to be associated so if you feel comfortable then I don't see any problem at all.

I have found that it seems to shut a lot of people up when they find out my babies are via IVF, it seems to make the question asker more uncomfortable as if they have "intruded" on such a personal issue... der, like asking anyone if they are planning of having a baby isn't personal.

[Possums]

yes I too find it shuts people up and makes them uncomfortable and often I am glad, especially if they were being intrusive and making assumptions.

[Lisa B]

I told people at my work place when I announced I was pregnant. I guess I wondered how many others were potentially out there that didn't have children because of their problems. I didn't want to come across as one of the overly fertile people that got pregnant at a drop of the hat because I knew how I was at the pregnancy announcements at work. In some way I thought I was being more compassionate to people who might have problems if I mentioned it was IVF.

A few people who have been trying for awhile have approached me about their experiences and I've shared my journey a bit to help them, so Im glad I did mention it was IVF.

[helle]

why do you have to tell them anything? like you said it isn't their business.
I wouldn't answer at all, just shrug and laugh and leave them wondering.

[AndiE]

I'm presuming it is managers/boss that is asking you - not just gossipy work colleagues? You obviously don't feel you are being discriminated against or harrassed. I assume you'd say as much.

Personally I don't think ANY workplace - big or small - has the right to ask what your intentions are for another child. And you certainly shouldn't feel under any obligation to tell them. I understood your comment that they're not being mean or negative ... but still. Why ask you? If you have another baby, presumably they'd have approx 5-6 months notice to plan and budget.

And while their questions could be to do with budgeting, but it wouldn't be unheard of for a company to deny a woman a workplace opportunity (be it a position upgrade or further training) because she's either pregnant or planning children. I'm not suggesting your company would do this to you, but it certainly does happen. Trust me.

I understand you're sick of dealing with curiosity - and it's totally up to you to tell people what you want to tell them. You need to feel comfortable at work, and not pressured to divulge all the details of your life. Your home life is competely separate to your work life. Might be a different if you work with some close friends, obviously. But if these people are strangers then no, your life or how you conceived your child is NOT their business. Would they tell you these details? If you're copping it from colleagues, is it worth saying something to your boss or manager.

I just don't think it's appropriate for any manager/boss to ask you what your plans are. And if that's where the questions are coming from, then I'd play your cards close to your chest. Just sounds "on the nose" to me.

The main thing is that you feel "safe" and "comfortable" in your workplace.

[farmgirl77]

Thanks AndiE - it is not a boss asking me the question - more someone at my level in another area. To be honest, my boss was also at my last workplace in a management position and I would think that he would know that Tex is an IVF baby as one of the EA's knew and she told key managers (got to love that)...so he employed me in the current position knowing what had happened etc.

I really think that it is just the nature of the workplace, it everyone is pretty close and knows families so I think it is about being nice and wishing that people who want babies have them - if that makes sense???

As for not being given a promotion because of being PG - dont get me started - kind of the reason I left my last job (one of a few - and to be honest I was about to go on 12 months mat leave when the position came up - but they did not give me the option of applying - maybe I would have come back to work early after the birth - what right did they have to make the decision for me????). I know that I do work extra hard thought to compensate for the days I have to leave early to do childcare pick ups etc etc ...it is such a juggling act!

Oh, the balancing act we live!
FG

[Amity]

You could always say: When I have a spare few thousand dollars, I'll take an awful lot of drugs that make me feel nauseous, bloated and generally feral for about three weeks, then have some surgery, then DH will toss off into a specimen jar, which will be mixed with my eggs in a petri dish, and then hopefully, if the universe decides it's time, we might get the chance to have another baby.

Or.... You mean you're asking when DH and I will be having sex again? Isn't that a little bit personal? It's not like I want to know when you and your DW are going to shag....

I must say, your DS is absolutely gorgeous. Your signature is just beautiful. Congratulations on such a stunning son! And when you decide to try for #2 (if you do so), I wish you every success first go.

[saph204]

FG I told everyone at work, as it was difficlut to hide, but found out that when I was open about it half the staff had had some sort of fertility iussues. The more we are comfortable talking about it the less the stigma is. I am all for open communication lol.

[BOC]

Personally I don't think ANY workplace - big or small - has the right to ask what your intentions are for another child. And you certainly shouldn't feel under any obligation to tell them. I understood your comment that they're not being mean or negative ... but still. Why ask you? If you have another baby, presumably they'd have approx 5-6 months notice to plan and budget.

And while their questions could be to do with budgeting, but it wouldn't be unheard of for a company to deny a woman a workplace opportunity (be it a position upgrade or further training) because she's either pregnant or planning children. I'm not suggesting your company would do this to you, but it certainly does happen. Trust me.

100% right, AndiE, NO workplace has any right to ask you this! It is illegal and should you answer it, and then subsequently be fired, made redundant, or be overlooked for promotion, then you would have grounds for a discrimination suit. Perhaps let the person know all this and then say "so now do you STILL want to know???".

At the very least, make a note of the conversation in your diary so just in case anything ever does come up at a later date you can refer back to it. You would be surprised how often it comes up, and more often than not in small companies! And as AndiE also said, they'll already have around 5-6mths to plan for it, that is more than enough!

You could always say: When I have a spare few thousand dollars, I'll take an awful lot of drugs that make me feel nauseous, bloated and generally feral for about three weeks, then have some surgery, then DH will toss off into a specimen jar, which will be mixed with my eggs in a petri dish, and then hopefully, if the universe decides it's time, we might get the chance to have another baby.

Or.... You mean you're asking when DH and I will be having sex again? Isn't that a little bit personal? It's not like I want to know when you and your DW are going to shag....

Love it!!!