Two year old throwing tantrums during activities

[Malyna]

I'm at a loss.

I took DS to do gymnastics this morning - it's a large open shed with all sort of different gym equipment.

DS took off and started running around, didn't want to participate in the activities, which is okay because he's just two but he started to throw tantrums when we were trying to get him to do things he didn't want to do.

But I'm not sure how to handle it. He has a couple of tantrum styles. One is to sit on the ground, tucked up with his hands and legs under his body, on his stomach.

The second is the kicking and yelling one.

I usually just stand next to him, ignoring him, but I'm not sure if this is the best tactic.

I've tried "Hey let's join in here, this looks like fun" but he's just more interested in doing his own thing.

Do I let him do his own thing and hope he comes back to the group, or do I just make him join in with group activities.

He's like this at playgroup, where he just goes off and does his own thing - and I'm really not sure whether I should put him in childcare one/two days a week so he gets into some sort of regime.

DH was with me this morning and he said that I need to keep trying to get DS to do these activities and I shouldn't give in, but I'm wondering if DS is too young still to participate?

Help!

[jackrose]

It is hard to give advice for your child because each child is different and each parent has a different approach, but I thought it might be helpful if I outlined my experience as my DD1 reacted in a very similar way at an activity class.

I find my DD can get overwhelmed by groups of children very easily and she also gets very overwhelemed by too many instructions + being told what to do generally!! Part 2 year old and part her personality of liking to discover in her own time rather than be directed. She is very much a watch and observe type of child who will do things on her own when ready. (DD2 is the complete opposite and will launch herself into things, trying it out to learn)

DD1 would withdraw in this class and refuse to participate and we found that if we tried to push her she dug her heels in. DH was taking her to the class and reporting back to me and I was concerned about it, but when I went along instead it was very clear that she was really overwhelmed and trying to protect herself in the only way she knew. DD appeared to enjoy the beginning of the class but when things got more hectic or the instructions from the teacher got too complicated or too demanding she pulled back, refused to participate and began to sook a bit. She was clearly overstimulated and needing to calm herself.

To me it sounds very similar with your DS. His behaviour sounds like he is physically trying to find a way to deal with the overstimultion by folding himself up physically. Going off to do his own thing is a safety mechanism for him to manage all the incredible things going on in his head.

I think, give him the space he needs to manage his feelings and let him know he is safe to do this. It is a wonderful lesson for him to learn to manage such intensity and I believe pushing him would not be helpful. It is also how I went with my DD in the end. I would just let her play in the corner if she wanted and I would continue either to sit with her if she wanted it or I would continue to play, dance, be involved in the class if she didn't (setting an example). Unfortunately the teacher pushed her and tried to get me to push her so I decided the class was not for us.

Interestingly, we have tried again with DD now she is 3 and it was a shambles once again (children in the group crying, mothers dismissed and a general feeling of illease... and this was the orientation class supposedly!) A discussion with the teacher since has confirmed my suspicions, we are on different wavelenghts with what we expect from toddlers so I have said goodbye to that organisation!!!

I read a great book about how the minds of toddlers work that explains their ways of dealing with the world around them, "Toddler Sense" It is a good read to get your head into theirs.

ETA: I just googled the book - by Anne Richardson and found a web page devoted to it. It may be worth a look as the book is really exceptional when it comes to explaining a toddler's world.

[Malyna]

I think you just described DS to a T!! He loves to go off on his own and is an observe and learn person (like me). he hated swimming classes, and I think that was for the same reason.

I'll look up the book and website... thanks ever so much. XD