**ANGRY & ADVICE** How do YOU get them to do something?

[Netix]

I just spent the last two hours waiting for some toys to get put away. I did start off nice and gentle, keeping them both on the right track (not play time, pack away time). I started off in the kitchen, and encouraged from there, before going outside to do some work. I would come in to see what they were up to, and there would be MORE toys out, instead of (hopefully even just a couple) less.

It took them so long to do nothing at all that I have put them to bed without lunch. As soon as I put my foot down that they were going to bed without food, Steph started to cry, and Rhino started to pack up. Erm, no, sorry, not interested in the tears, and a little too late for packing up now.

Steph complains that it is too hard to pack up, yet will get all the toys out with ease. I try to get them to pack up when they have finished with one toy before getting out the next, but to no avail. Steph reckons that she does pack up, but Rhino isn't doing anything except playing. She doesn't do ANYTHING except play!

I don't expect that ALL of the toys be put away, let alone EXACTLY where they should go (I don't mind fixing all that up), but just PLEASE would SOMETHING get picked up?! I kid you not that I cannot see the loungeroom floor for toys strewn across it from one side o the other.

The Man says that I am being too hard on them, and to remember that they are only two and four. I have asked him, so at what age ARE they old enough to start picking up after themselves? No reply except rudeness.

Am I being too hard on them?

What should be expected of children now? Do I just pick up after them for the rest of their lives, or fight with them as teenagers (as we both now have to do with the Boy, since he has never been made to pick up after himself, and s**** on anything I have to say)? Or shall I just get it over with now and slit my wrists so that they can have my blood too?

Yes, I am angry. I've had enough of being treated like a freekn slave. By my two young children and the other people in this house. And so, unfortunately, my two young children have to bear the brunt of me getting so angry and peeved off at the others who live here. For some reason, and I wonder why (not), this thread is just all so familiar. I am sure that I keep writing about the same old stuff every couple of months. AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! I am just unable to do this continually. The Man is not here to help, and when he is, has no better success than I, nor is he able to keep his cool any better. I swear, this is just making me rage.

They are both now asleep, after yelling and shouting (my throat hurts everyday), and slamming doors. I hate doing that, and hate myself for doing it.

[Olive]

i find beat the buzzer works realllly well! DD1 loves it

[toomanyshoes]

I'm not sure about 2 but DD who just turned 5 is expected to pick her things up, same with DS 9.

I take things off them if their rooms aren't cleaned before bed every night. I explain to them that they only need what they can look after and get rid of anything old/broken/do doesn't get played with.

We had a few troubles along the way but for the last 4-5wks they are cleaning their rooms every night before bed without any fuss.

With a 2yo I would be picking things up with them instead of leaving them to do it, I think they would find it easy to get distracted.

For us the key was doing it every day, so it was repetitive and it formed a habit.

[M D]

I haven't had too much trouble getting DD(3yo) to pick up her toys BUT I did start from when she was very little, telling her we have to pack away now and we would pack away the toys. As she got older she continues to do this as she doesn't now any better. I also don't let her get too many different things out at once. If I see she has finished playing with something which there are a fair few of and she gets something else out I remind her to pack away the first lot of toys. That way it is too overwealming at the end. In saying all that I have on occasion had to say if I have to pack up her tools they will be going to the children that don't have any, she packs up pretty fast then. I only ever have to say that once and as I said I haven't had to use that line very often.

[Cranky Kitten]

Sounds like things like beat the buzzer could work here, particularly if you combine it with a star chart and small rewards. I'd suggest maybe the initial cleanup being something you do together as an activity otherwise it all gets a bit overwhelming especially at such young ages.

I've also used the "if you don't pack your things away I'll give them to the Salvos" - only had to carry through with it once, and DD learned that it was easier to pack up when asked to.

[cakester69]

I am having the same battle and now I have a newborn it has become harder some days he is really good ds is 3 1/2 but other days today for example he just wouldnt listen and chucks a wobbly when I turn off the TV I am just over it plays up more when I am feeding bubs.I know its a big adjustment but its hard. DS has started to make his bed of a morning which is great he will put his clothes in the bathroom but pack up his toys OMG its too hard he says I cant he says but he can sure get them out. Ive tried sending him to his room etc. I find if I start to do it he will help but that doesnt work all the time I also say if he doenst pack them up and I have to i will put them away and he will not play with them it worked once lol. I suppose its all trial and error hey
Good luck

[Arimeh]

We usually try to make it into a game. The toys are mainly in baskets so we throw them in or have a race to see who can get them in the fastest. It's amazing how much they will do for praise and a high 5!

I actually prefer to put the toys away myself though, I'm a bit anal about the sorting of toys lol

Sounds like you have had a rough morning - so here is a

[diva det]

i spend my whole weekend hassling, bribing, pleading, begging and eventually yelling at them to clean their mess up!
i hear you totally!!!
this weekend they have been 'working' on cleaning their rooms and they are still not done

the only way i have found to cut mess down is to have awesome storage for their toys or only let them use a certain amount of toys at a time
use to work well when they were younger say up till 5 years old but now - blah no hope!
My DD is unbelieveable- she keeps every piece of paper she cuts/uses , she keeps tags off clothes and her mess is sprawled everywhere- mind you she has our old bedroom which is full of cupboards and storage and she has stuff everywhere- the other day i found her nighty in a new take-away container!!!!!
i think they just get so overwhelmed with their mess that they dont know where to start or how to clean it up again
the mess just appears!!
sometimes it is heaps quicker for me to get in there with them and 'help ' them get stuff sorted- a PITA for me but stops the yelling

hugs hun wish i had a magic answer for you but i dont!!!

[~Raven~]

Put a washing basket in the middle of the floor and make it a game. Books first, then trains, then socks etc. You might have to do a bit of the work to start with but they generally join in.

[Netix]

Cool, thanks for the suggestions everyone. And I am sorry, I just REALLY needed to vent!

I managed to do some of my cleaning up in the garage, now, I am going to help them. See how we go...

[toomanyshoes]

vent away

hope it goes better this time and less stressful!

[Netix]

Now they are happy and having, um, lunch.... Just some honey on bread and a drink to tide them over until dinner. I made it a race to see who could put the most away. Rhino, as usual, just wanted to play with his trucks, and Steph complained that he wasn't doing anything, but seemed happy that she had put more away than he. I put all the toys away that just don't seem to have a box to go in. They live in the mixed toy box. A nightmare in itself. Now, I am having a well deserved coffee and a few minutes on BB.

[Bern]

toys that dont get put away get put away for good.....

[emc2]

Well I seem to have had the experience of having adult acquaintances with that problem, can't clean up after themselves.

I am imagining with this little one who's coming, I don't think I'll own a lot of toys, there's not the room for them in the unit here. In fact it will be a bit different as it's unlikely I'm moving in with his father, he will spend an awful lot of time with me doing housework as playtime lol. I will have to make a game out of it.

But yes you can tell the difference between people who've been taught to do housework, and those who've had it done for them. With a 2yo and 4yo I am guessing the go is to store some items away, and meet them halfway on cleaning up. And definitely not pulling out all the toys in one go, so that then goes back to how they're stored.

[MrsBexie]

We usually try to make it into a game. The toys are mainly in baskets so we throw them in or have a race to see who can get them in the fastest. It's amazing how much they will do for praise and a high 5!

I actually prefer to put the toys away myself though, I'm a bit anal about the sorting of toys lol

Sounds like you have had a rough morning - so here is a

Bahaha this will be me I know it!! I will want to do it myself the right way but get annoyed if they don't do it iykwim! hahaha...
My poor kids are going to be sooo anal, either that or feel like they can never meet my expectations!

[shellbell3]

My rule here I generally try is nothing new out til old things are packed up. I always help with the pack up to to get them started and then they're usually happy to help. Make it a race or something fun.
And on the days they refuse well i turn to threats, I say its ok mummy will pack it all up into the bin. I head for the front door and then theyre quick t pack up. Wonder how long I can use it before they call my bluff!

[Astrolady]

I have a 9yr old, nearly 7yr old and 4yr old.

The 9yr old isn't to bad now, but refuses to do his room. He'll do other parts of the house though, including bringing in the washing. If I want the 7yr old and 4yr old to help it has to be a game.

We pretend they are super heros and the super heros pick up their stuff not them. I have tried the throw stuff in the bin trick when they were younger but they didn't bat an eyelid.

ETA - We also do "pick up 10 things" when that is done I will then say "gee that was really fast I bet you can't find 10 more things each to pick up and put away even faster"

[aussienic]

My suggestion would be to put away a lot of the toys and only have one small tub out. Put the rest up high. or get rid of them..

As for picking up I don't know, We used to get the kids to have a race to see who could pick up the most toys