Toddlers making friends?

[Kazzo]

How old was your toddler before they made an actual friend?

Amelia loves daycare, but I am a bit worried that she is not really making friends (do they even comprehend how to at this age?) There is one girl there on one of her days that she likes and talks about but even then she goes up says hi and then off she goes to play by herself. She watches the others play like she wants to join but just stands back. She is an extremely polite girl. She has great manners, does not snatch but if someone snatches from her she does'nt do anything just finds something else.

It actually made me teary this morning when I dropped her off. I stood where she could not see me a watched her for 10 minutes.

[Kazzo]

Anybody?

[Beach Mama]

Hi darls My DD is 4 in May and really has only just started coming home and talking about friends in the last few months. She talks about her little friends at creche but they change all the time and she has only just started 3 yr old kinder and I found that they will talk a bit and play together but the next session they will play with others. I am pretty sure I read somewhere that kids play independently and side by side rather than "with" other children until they are around 3-4. Sounds like she is a gorgeous little girl and as she gets older I am sure you will find she will make closer friendships with others as they all grow and develop together and start playing together. xoxox

[boo]

Has she been in CC for long? I know with my DS (now just over 3) it took him quiet a few months to feel comfortable enough to mix with the other kids instead of just standing back, now he's made a few good friends from 3 of the boys there and 2 little girls.

[Heaven]

Totally normal

Children go through different stages of play as they grow and develop. Very young infants only have the ability to attend to one object at a time. Once an object is out of their sight, it is quickly forgotten. Infants play by themselves because they are so busy exploring and discovering their new world. Every new object or situation that is introduced is a new learning experience for the newborn. This very first stage of play is called "Solitary Play" or independent play. They are fully engaged in gathering information and storing it for further use. This stage of play lasts until some where around nine months. This is a very self centered time for the developing infant.

The second stage of play begins to ripen in slightly older children usually by the time a child is two years of age. "Parallel Play" is typical of this age child. This kind of play involves two or more children in the same room. They are interested in the same toys and both see the toy as belonging to them. Hence they maybe in the same area and play with similar toys, but they do not play together. They are playing along side each other simply because they are in the same area.

When children extend their knowledge and play experiences they move into "Associative Play". In this stage, three and four year old children begin playing together but it is a loosely organized fashion. The more mature child soon emerges as the leader or organizer in this stage of play. They see themselves as capable and able to tell others what to do, the younger child seldom questions this authority that the more mature child has cultivated.

Finally the child expands into "Cooperative Play" somewhere between the ages of four or five. Cooperative play takes place between two or more children as they grow and develop socially and emotionally. In cooperative play, children exchange ideas about the game or the toy they are playing with at that moment in time. Rules tend to still be very loosely constructed, but children know who is playing which role in their game. Play may last only a few minutes or it may stretch out for longer periods of time. Gradually they learn to respect the property rights of others. This is a clue that they are gaining social skills; at this same time they begin to understand that they need permission to play with certain materials and certain people. They are also more willing to share their toys for the sake of the game. Communication about the play is the critical point of cooperative play.

It is important to note that children differ widely according to birth order within their own families. Boys and girls develop in different areas at different stages of their life, so there is never complete adherence to any of these exact ages. Not all children move through the stages at the same rate, because children who have more life experiences tend to emerge as leaders or organizers at younger ages. Confidence, shyness, and other personality traits factor into these stages of play.

[Kazzo]

Thanks for replying ladies.
Boo, She has been going for 10 months now. She is still in the babies room until she turns 2 in May so I guess alot of kids have moved up and new babies come in, but in the mornings all the kids are outside together.
Tanstar, thanks. I just see the other kids (mainly boys) playing together and wonder why. I think it effects me so much more then it does her otherwise she would not like going. She is pretty amazing. I love her to bits and just want to know she is happy. I can't wait till DD2 is big enough for them to play together.

[Shanti]

Yep sounds very normal to me She's only little and at this age she will be doing alot of parallel play.... it's not until they are around 3-4yrs they start playing more with each other in role plays etc.....

My DD is 2.1yrs and is actually quite good at playing with kids but usually older kids! She loves the 3-4yr olds and that's probably because they tend to play more with each other than in solitary play like kids under 2yrs do. And DD loves playing with kids more than on her own, well most of the time. She loves company and is very social. I think it just comes down to their personalities really!

The more you socialise them, like playgroup, kindy, mothers group etc, the better at it they will be and they are all developing at their own pace too remember.

I love watching DD with other kids. She has a few close friends from various places (mainly playgroups) and talks about them sometimes at home.... like she'll say "and see Maddy today??" she just adores her little friend Maddy, I love it

[Kazzo]

Thanks Heaven. That was a great information sheet for me. Makes so much sense.

[black_rose]

Dd1 was asking for friends at the beginning of the year. I have a post on here somewhere. We have had a bit of success now she has playdates with on girl from on of her kinder friend, I had to get past my fears and approach the mum! She is about to have a playdate with another little girl and a third one is always asking to play with her at kinder. She is 3.5.

[black_rose]

Forgot to add she has been at daycare with her first friend since 2008 so it's taken a long time for the friendship to develop.

[angelaartsstudent]

DD has had her best friends - a set of twins - for about 4 months now and often talks about them when she gets home, and plays with them a lot at daycare. But DH and I have also often seen her make a clear decision to break away from the group and play by herself.

If she's otherwise happy and social (and it sounds like she is polite and good natured anyway!) then I wouldn't worry...alone play is really important too.

But if she is clearly getting a bit down, maybe ask for her to be moved up to the toddler room early? DD (2 in May) was moved up early because she was the eldest left in the baby room and was getting very clearly a bit miserable being surrounded by little babes who couldn't play with her.

[Kazzo]

Thanks ladies.
This has eased my worry alot.

I am going to have a chat with her teachers at day care this arvo so I can see how she goes during the day.

The reason why I was concerned a bit too is that she has cousins her age and a couple of my friends have kids a few months younger then her and she plays well with them. She even asks to go see them a lot.