What did you do/say when your family tried to talk you out of it?

[MummaBear79]

Ok so a little history on me. I've had 3 cesears. First one was for failure to progress and last two were elective. I WAS planning a vbac for my last son, but my family talked me out of it. My uncle is an Obstetrician and gave my parents all the scare facts and they then wore me down and I ended up with another cesear

Im now due to have my 4th bub in May and have hired an Independent Midwife and Doula to take to hospital with me and I am so prepared and excited for this. Ive had nothing but support from everyone, including the OB at my chosen hospital.

So just now my Mum comes online and says that my Dad has been talking to my uncle and they are sooooooooooo concerned about me and dont think know all the 'facts'

***!!!!! Do they think im going in to this completely oblivious and unprepared??? Im so angry right now. I just want to know if anyone else has faced negativity from family members and what have they said to them???? Im in such a good space right now...I dont want them ruining it for me again

[Arimeh]

I faced a few people that weren't keen on the idea of it, and didn't understand why I didn't want another c-section, but they were smart enough not to bring up any statistics with me cos they knew how well educated I was on the subject. We just agreed to disagree I suppose.

However, one of my biggest negative forces turned into my biggest supporter (and one most proud of me) when I had achieved my goal. that was my sister.

You'll rock it, so try not to let them get to you cos they wont be in the labour room with you

[MummaBear79]

Thanks Mel, Youre right, they wont be in the labour room with me. People who support my choice will be Im so ready to go in to hibernation and come out when its all over! Im in such a good head space right now thanks to my Midwife and my Doula and I dont want anyone affecting it for me. Im so ready to do this! xx

[black_rose]

Dont talk to them about it, it's none of their business if they can't support you with your decision. You need to have a network of people who will get you through it so you can stay positive and build that inner strength you need.

[Lady-bug]

Have PMed you

[MummaBear79]

Lady Bug, ive tried messaging you but your inbox is full

Black Rose - I have only told them in the last month that im planning a vbac. I was hoping to keep it a secret this time, but it just didnt work out that way Hopefully ive made it clear to them now that it is MY birth, MY baby and MY choice.

[smiles4u]

yep that's right like i kept getting reminded when i was having my first baby at 40 that i am old and that's by two OBs ... yes it was older first time Mums should have C's ... well my midwife program i ended up opting for, these midwives about 50 having done it for years were so postive about it ... and YEP i had a drug-free trouble-free amazing birth with my little bubba slithering up on to my belly and had her first boobie drink, i said to DP i could have done that sitting under a tree on my own !!

Best of wishes for you in doing what feels right for you and your sweet baby girl (btw May bubbas rock, mmm i have one )

[black_rose]

It's hard mummabear, I hope they will support you this time. Listening to the negatives can really get you down.

[zap]

How much longer do you have to go? You HAVE to block them out. negativity is not something you want to be taking into labour with you. Believe in your body and what us was designed to do! Good Luck I will be keeping an eye out for your birth story!

[MummaBear79]

Ive got less than 6 weeks to go. Ive just had a really good chat to my Doula and im ok now I do have to block them out and make sure they know that its my decision. I definitely dont want any negativity ruining this for me. I just cant wait to show them I can do it!

[KimB]

I can't believe your uncle is an ob and is scaring your family into pressuring you to do anything. Tell him to start doing some reading on the subject and educate himself on the "new" thinking. You do what you want Claire and ignore them. Take care hun xxx

[MummyOfTerrors]

so your having bubs in a hosp surrounded by professionals and they dont think your making the right choice!
its your choice and youve got to go through with it
in my opinion they need to back off
your doing what you want with your body
xoxox

[FabFiona]

My view on this stuff is that if they are willing to birth the baby, then they can make the decisions. However as it will be you in the hospital, going through labour and getting your VBAC not them. Tell them to sod off!

I suspect once you get into hospital and go into labour all of that will melt away. Just try and block it out for now.

[~mamaspice~]

Oh Hun, I did wonder about how this side of things was going for you as I remember you telling me ages ago about your Ob Uncle talking you and your fam out of your previous vbac. What a darn pity you weren't able to keep your plans on the down low this time.
I haven't read all the other responses but if I were you, I'd keep my response short and sweet. Tell them you're well informed and you're not going to do anything to put your bub in danger. Then encourage them to read up on the 2010 ACOG VBAC guidelines which clearly indicate that the risks associated with vbac after multiple LUSCS aren't nearly as dire as once thought.

You've got your beautiful MW, doula and hubby. You're gonna do great!

[Yeddi]

I found it best to switch it up when it came to explaining my decision. Instead of defending my choice by providing them with facts about VBAC's saftey, I asked them to put their money where their mouth was a provide me the evidence on the risks of a c-section to see if they thought those risks were less than that of VBAC. Of course, when they investigate it themselves, see that there are risks with a c-section, which are quite large in comparison, they didn't say anything again.

[WannabeMum]

So how did you go??

I'm interested to see what the fallout was - funnily enough, the one who's struggling with my desire for a VBAC is DH. He just wants us all to be ok in the end, and has now relaxed when I termed it "aiming" for a VBAC (doesn't change it from "having" a VBAC in my head) but he's nervous!