DS does not have a bar of DD. Not in the slightest! I can't get a photo of them together (ticker pic was a megga fluke), he won't play with her, he won't tolerate her, he does mean things to her (like rolls her fingers over with his scooter)...he's starting to put the blame on her....he looks at her with the meanest looks...it totally breaks my heart into a gazillion pieces.
I want him to love her like she loves him....I want him to play with her occasionally.
I know she's little still....but I wonder when he will ever interact with his sister. Is it his age, or did I create a monster? How can I get him to interact better with her? Am I doing something wrong?
I feel so guilty sometimes that I brought her into his life...he seem so resentful of DD. I also feel guilty for DD that her Brother isn't loving....and that I made him that way!
oh hun, im sure its just a stage, she is quite little, im sure once they can play together he will warm to her, maybe show him that she likes some of the same things he likes, for example, if he like trucks show him that she likes to play trucks too, maybe he just feels like he has nothing in common with her.
ive had to be really careful not to tell DD1 off everytime she goes near DD2 cause i dont want her to feel the baby is just a thing that always gets her told off. and she is looking forward to when she can teach the baby things like how to walk, talk etc. maybe as your DD is at an age where she is doing more stuff you could help DS teach her something....like showing her how to crawl/walk or something.
its certainly not your fault, they look very cute in the ticker photo!
Last edited by beckoes; April 18th, 2011 at 03:15 PM.
: correcting my terrible one handed typing errors
Huge hugs. SIL had similar troubles. Her son went through a stage of not liking his little sister. In fact she actaully says go away so much now because that is what she heard so much from him. It passed eventually though and with the occasional fight they play really well together.
It is tough to watch though, but you are doing a great job.
That must be really hard on you. They're both your babies.
I don't know if it helped, and you've probably already done this, but from the moment ds could open his eyes I would say to dd "look, he's watching you, look how he loves you..." and would explain as big sister it was her job to look out for him and make sure he's ok.
The others are probably right and they will find common ground
It must be hard for you. You sound really gutted in your post, but it is an age thing to a certain extent..
My DD is a month older than your DS, and she is starting to want to play on her own without her brother. She pushes him around, bullies him, yells at him and shuts him out of their room.
I have a smaller age gap (21mths) and DD is used to playing with her brother,but she is starting to want some time to herself. She wants to do things her brother can't do, and it does cause problems.. I am just encouraging some play time together, and some apart,but I don't know how to fix it either.
My MIL had the same problem with my BIL's M & J when J was born M would always try and do things to hurt J and MIL would always have to keep and eye on them, he finally grew out if it and now they are inseperable. I hope he comes around for you soon.
Hi have no idea hon but wanted to give you a BIG HUG you soudn so sad in your post and I can imagine how heartbreaking it is for you, especially when he is mean to her
Oh hun we going through that kinda thing too. DS1 hits and hurts DS2 alot he snatches toys and is just plain mean But he does play with him. Is Darcie walking yet???? Maybe when she is up and moving he may take more interest in her!
Big hugs hun it will get better xxxx
Big hugs gorgeous lady . It all sounds very normal and I can guarantee it will pass soon. When Darcie is more mobile and interactive I bet they'll have lots of fun together . Darcie will probably be bossing Max around soon anyway if she's anything like Alana .
All of my kids can be so mean to each other at times! But as they've all gotten older, they can also play together and have fun together a lot of the time too.
Last night K was in bed and refused to take his teddy bear because Alana was the one offering it to him. He would only take it if I gave it to him . Then this morning he has been dancing with her and being obedient to her demands, such as: "Kieree, dummy!" (which means: "Kieran, pass me my dummy")
I think the others are right. Once shes up and walking he'll be more inclined to want to hang out. Also, the being mean thing, even though my two are best friends, DD still does really mean things sometimes, and I get really upset. But I think it is her way of learning about the world. I think she is wondering what will happen if...
I try not to go off (like I really want to) and explain that we don't want to hurt people we love, going with the power of suggestion.
Relaxy has been through lots of changes lately. He has such a beautiful nature, I am sure this will pass.
Biggest hugs
x
My DS2 is 15mths now, and DS2 is 36mths. FINALLLY, he has started to play with his brother. Wow, it's been an awful time. DS1 is still mean, but they are slowly having more moments where they will play alone/apart and then play a little bit together too. If the little one was having any kind of fun (giggling) or any kind of attention (even a nappy) DS1 would be trying to sabotage it.
Sometimes i see the hurt in DS2's eyes - like he's thinking 'i adore you big brother, why are you hitting me'. I could cry . And i see the frustration in DS1's eyes as his lil brother wrecks his train set - and i feel bad then too. Parenting guilt - why do we do it to ourselves.
I doubt you are doing anything wrong! I'm sure you are actually laying the groundwork for a really good future relationship between them. It's just a bit further off...but it'll come, i'm sure. He'll be protecting her from the other kids at the park and walking her to school holding her hand.
From what I"ve heard, this is pretty normal. Hopefully once she's up and running it'll be a different story (at least some of the time).
Already DS vacilates between gentle adoration and whacking her with things what fun we have to look forward to!
Madb - the thing is, he's never done any gentle adoration.... The first thing he said when he came to see us in hospital was..... 'this is bad' and 'my baby sister is rubbish' kind of amusing at the time.... But almost 11 months on, I thought he'd realize by now that she isn't going anywhere.
He is becoming more independent though and wants to do more on his own, but doesn't want to go to another room to do it.
All she wants to do is play with him with whatever he is doing, and while I can see he wants to do what he wants to do, I wish he'd also realize if he shared, or at least interacted a little with her, he'd stop just being annoyed at her for getting in his way.
I think maybe my expectations are too high of him and I should let up. It still breaks my heart though.
Hugs everyone.... I appreciate all your comments x
My eldest brother was 18 months older than my second brother. He stood outside the backdoor when his little brother was brought home from hospital and refused to come in. Whilst they did end up playing together and interacting over the years, they were never friends. TBH, I think he always resented the rest of us. On the other hand, I was close to my 2nd brother, who again was 18 months older than me. I think sometimes it comes down to personalities. You can encourage and provide the opportunities for positive interaction and certainly not tolerate being mean, but you can't force him to like her.
Oh wow, my 2 nephews are born the same months and years as yours. Nephew 1 is the same as your DS.
Really really resentful of his little brother. It is hard to watch, I think my BIL ans SIL are in the same place as you.
Hopefully it is just a stage.
Hugs
Oh honey, again, I wish you were back home so I could give you a big hug!
Would some bribery work? Like if you take just Darcie to the shops and come home with a small treat like a freddo for Maxy and make a big deal about how Darcie picked it out for him?
Logan and James are just starting to play together a bit now, Logan will launch a ball and James will roll it back to him, other than that though that's pretty much their extent of playing together?
Is Max going to kindy yet? Maybe he just misses his mum and needs some set one on one time with you each week. Maybe a Sun morning when/if hubby or your mum is home you and Max can go for a special walk to the park or something together that can be your own. No-one else, just you guys so he can claim you back a bit? Must be hard for him having Darcie come into the family, moving back to Perth then to the other side of the world. It's a lot for anyone, especially a little kid.
Max is a GORGEOUS kid! You've done an AWESOME job with him! He's loving, funny and kind, even if he doesn't show it towards Darcie at the moment.
ah bum babe! i am sorry to read this, it must be so hard . there is a mum at MG that is going through similar things. her DS seems to really resent his new little sister. and when he is not actively trying to hurt her, he doesnt acknowledge her ITMS. it is tearing his mum up. i guess the best is that he will grow out of it and learn that she can also be heaps and heaps of fun .
and remember DD wont be little for long :wink: she'll hold her own soon enough and will be able to win him over. FWIW my mum and one of her brothers had a similar situation and they ended up (and continue to be!) incredibly close.
He hates her!
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you soudn so sad in your post and I can imagine how heartbreaking it is for you, especially when he is mean to her 
. Darcie will probably be bossing Max around soon anyway if she's anything like Alana 
.
. Then this morning he has been dancing with her and being obedient to her demands, such as: "Kieree, dummy!" (which means: "Kieran, pass me my dummy") 
what fun we have to look forward to!
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