Why did you get married??

[Harriet]

Have been pondering the reasoning behind getting married for some time now.... and was wondering if anyone wanted to share their reasons for getting married, and also how their relationship with their partner changed afterward?

[Lily Dust]

I always wanted to get married before I had kids and do things the so called 'traditional' way, that was just what I wanted. I wanted the big white wedding with flowers and fairy lights and tiaras. Marriage did not change a single thing in our relationship. For us, a child changed things a whole lot more!

[*TripleJ*]

we got married coz we love each other but also because we agreed we wanted to be married before our son was born we wanted to be a 'proper' family if there is such a thing lol
i dunno about our relationship changfing it seemed the same to me we were already living together at the time

[megs]

I'm like Lily Dust, for some reason for me being married and then having children felt right. That being said if a whoopsie had of happened it wouldn't have been the end of the world. For me personally I'm glad I did get married and then have children, I like that we all have the same surname and I feel like we all belong together we are the R****** family. I think it made it easier to change my name as I moved to my husbands hometown and no one new me anyway. It would have been harder to change my name if I lived in an place and everyone new me by my maiden name.

I'm suprised myself that I did feel strongly about marriage as I grew up with parents who had a volatile marriage, and have now gone through a bitter divorce.

[Astrolady]

I was with my fiancee at the time and was having a hard time of it. A best friend (Male) said to me "It won't change just cause you are getting married, it's just a piece of paper" That was some of the best advice I have ever got and 2 weeks later I broke the engagement.

I was already friends with my now husband at the time of breaking the engagement (he wasn't the one that gave me the advice) and not long after we started dating. I used to always say to mum as a kid "I will be married on the 2nd Saturday of September when I am 24 yrs old" and she would reply with "what if you are single". 9th September 2000 Andrew and I were married after 4 years of living together and 5.5 yrs of dating. I was 24 yrs old So maybe I got married to prove mum wrong LOL. 10.5 years later we're still going strong.

[krystals]

haha, welll..... this is going to seem silly, but hubby and I originally started discussing marriage because the school we work for wouldn't give us the reduced rental option to live onsite as we weren't married!!! Of course, that's not THE reason we got married. We got married because we knew we would and that particular catalyst was as good as any other. Our relationship changing? Well... we did kind of step up the 'responsible married people' identity a little. We bought a house, moved in together (we'd lived separately because of work, it just happened that way) and waited 7 years before having a baby (not entirely deliberately LOL). I do believe we would've been together whether we got married or not. I'm glad we got married, but I would've been happy as long as we were together in whatever form that 'together' was, and I'm sure we still would've had kids .

[grub17]

for us, it was the next step iykwim. I got sick of explaining we weren't married and having different surnames. We also wanted to have a family name for when we had children. I also wanted to "lock in" my man lol ... not that he was going anywhere i suppose! However, that's all just practicality.

Emotionally something special happened the night we got engaged. I can't put words to it, we were just so much closer and really truly felt like a unit. it was just so amazing to feel free like that and so full of love and good vibes... it was 1000 times better again on our wedding day.

the wedding itself was amazing and I love being married to my DH. I love we declared ourselves for each other only in front of all our family and friends and made commitments to each other through our vows. It certainly, for us, added another dimension to our relationship and a deeper feeling. a deeper sense of connectedness that I really didn't appreciate or understand til I got married.

But it really is a horses for coarses sort of thing. it works for us but thesedays I also don't think it's the be all and end all of relationships iykwim.

[Beautiful Disaster]

We had always planned on getting married but getting preg sort of moved that along a little faster. I dont regret getting married preg or not having a HUGE wedding. I think we prob still would have done it the same way. For me it was wanting to be a family with all the same name. Coming from a single parent family I didnt want my kids to have a different name.

In regards to has our relationship changed..... think its a bit early to tell yet as we have only been married for 3 months this week

[aussienic]

We got married because we love each other. the timing of our marriage was related to having a child but either way we would have gotten around to it eventually. We didn't feel any pressure to get married before having our son it was what we both wanted (if that makes sense)

Marriage didn't change things at first but over time I believe it has or maybe it is all the children as well that has changed our relationship. We are more in love now as you grow and mature your love grows too.

I think marriage is a big step but so is having children. I have a few unmarried friends who have children with their partners and no intention of ever getting married.. Some are very much in love with each other and others you wonder why they are even together..

But that is going off topic lol.

[Traveller]

I wanted to be married before we had kids, because I wanted the same name as them on the birth certificate. I also didn't want them to think we got married because we "had to" so we married before TTC.

The main reason for the timing of our marriage was our intention to emigrate. The visa application was slightly easier if we were married, and it eased some of our guilt about leaving our families (at least they got to see us married).

[Harriet]

I think marriage is a big step but so is having children. I have a few unmarried friends who have children with their partners and no intention of ever getting married.. Some are very much in love with each other and others you wonder why they are even together..

But that is going off topic lol.

Noooo aussienic, not off topic at all, its exactly what I'm trying to get my head around!
DP and I have been together for over seven years, have lived together for four years and bought a house together 2.5 years ago. And we'll be parents this year.... he would love to be married to me, but I feel like I just don't 'get' it.

[briggsy's girl]

DH asked - he wanted to be married because his parents had a long and happy marriage. i wasn't sure - my folks relationship is anything but healthy so i was a bit jaded about the idea. we talked about it and realised we wanted to be together for life, so he proposed to me the night before he met my (ill) grandmother. We got married only a year after we got together because he wanted for my nan to be there to see her last grandchild married. Unfortunately, she was too ill to be there, and her sight had failed so she didn't get to see photos - but she was knew we were married and we were happy. She died four days before our first wedding anniversary (2 years to the day after DH and I got together)

Being married was never going to be crucial to us being happy - but it was a chance to celebrate our relationship with our friends after a year of crap. changing my name from my fathers name (a man i detest) to the name of a man i love and respect was a huge thing for me. and now that we have DD, sharing a family name makes me a much happier person

[Joeve]

We got married after being together for more than 10 years, it was never that important as we knew we loved each other etc. After we got engaged people kept telling us stories of people they knew that seperated after they got married after so long - people are just sooooo fullof good advice and stories aren't they?

We actually did it because we felt like we wanted to 'offically' become married - kind of felt like we were anyway IYKWIM and because both of our dads had some health issues so we wanted to do it while our whole family was around.

Has it changed things? Not so much but I do feel that I try harder to be a better wife than I ever did at being a better girlfriend.

As soon as we jumped in the limo at the end of the night of our wedding we were just bursting with happiness and we don't regret doing it when we did.

[Amity]

I got married to pi$$ off my Mum. Because I knew what I was doing and I was right.

I was oh so wrong.

Always listen to your Mum. I've been single for nearly 5 years now!

[Aries]

We got married because it was something we both believed in. We started for a baby 6 years ago and got engaged around the same time. Whichever came first suited us just fine. We had a beautiful day together and wouldnt wish for anything to be different. I love being married and my hubby is proud to call me his wife. To expand our little family now would just top it off

[starangelk]

We got married because we wanted to. Why did we want to? Well, we wanted to cement our relationship. But for me, the cement was the engagement. For me, getting engaged was more important than being married. Engagement is the intention to spend the rest of your lives together, the wedding is just the piece of paper to prove it. We loved standing in front of our family and friends and having them witness our promises to each other. How did our relationship change? It didn't change at all. The only thing that changed for us was the rings we wore on our fingers and my last name. I am a massive fan of marriage

[Astrid]

I wanted to get married as I felt, for me, that I needed that extra commitment. DH said he was always committed to me and know that should have been enough, but I needed that extra step. We only had move in together due to moving interstate, it would have been silly to try and set-up two homes. So we weren't living together due us wanting to be defacto (hope that makes sense). It is very easy to just move in with someone, which I had done in the past and same with friends. We were not planning on children, so having children played no part in wanting to be married.

Also a wedding, even if simple is something nice to do. I was bagged for having a wedding, should have just eloped, but I thought it was nicer to get family and friends together for a celebration rather than for a funeral, which seems to be the only other time family makes an effort.

[aussienic]

a lot of people think it is harder to walk away (if things go wrong) once marriage is there. but in your case you have a house and a child together so it is just as hard. Some people think oh its just a piece of paper but it is also a public promise of what you want for each other and how you feel about each other.. Does that make sense?

Dh and i were just talking about this last month (our 12th wedding anniversary) We both agree our getting together date means more then our wedding date but that doesn't mean we don't celebrate our wedding date. We do. I also said I wonder if we would have ever gotten married if there wasn't a baby on the way. Dh said we would have but maybe not when we did. He was planning to propose on Xmas day but ending up asking me in November when I found out Ds was on the way.. but anyways.

What does marriage mean to you? I am not very good with words. I don't think I could really put into words what marriage means to me but I guess from a public point (ie family and friends) it is important. it is showing them I have the love and commitment to him and to our children.. I hope that makes sense. I am also not a fan of a huge wedding as I don't see the point. I would have been happy just to go down to the court house and get married lol but Dh wanted the whole family wedding thing (he has a large and very loving family) We had a lovely simple (and cheap) wedding.

i should add we were together for nearly 4 years before we got married. Moved towns together and bought a house.. but i knew he was the one for me as soon as I laid eyes on him. I can't explain that part it was just meant to be