Frustrated and negative parents less likely to take a parenting course

[BellyBelly]

Being an Effective Parent Isn’t a Matter of Luck

Being an Effective Parent Isn’t a Matter of Luck

Parenthood need not be a difficult and demanding experience that brings problems, worries and anxiety. One survey by parent trainer, Dr. Harold Minden, found that the responses of hundreds of parents to the question, “How would you rate your parenting experience?” were as follows:

22% answered “fulfilling and positive”
37% answered “moderately fulfilling”
41% answered “frustrating and negative”

Dr. Minden also found that 69% of the satisfied parents said they would enroll in a parent training course, but only 37% of the frustrated and negative parents said they would do so. It appeared they did not recognize the need for assistance in parenting. Those parents typically think that how kids turn out is outside their control–a matter of luck. Many of them rely on the same method of raising children and dealing with problems in their families that were used by their parents and grandparents even though they know these methods don’t work.

We now know without a doubt that parents who take training and learn how to create democratic, non-authoritarian relationships with both their spouses and their children will build happy marriages and create a “new species of children.” Here is a list of the characteristics of this new species:

• They get their own needs get met, yet are sensitive when others may be affected negatively.
• They are very sensitive to all forms of unfairness they see in their world.
• They treat their friends the way they have been treated at home–they are good listeners, good counselors, good at expressing themselves, good at solving problems, and good at resolving conflicts with others.
• They are mature for their age, fun-loving, playful.
• They want their needs met, yet are unselfish, altruistic and giving to others.
• They have less need to be dependent on other people–yet they have friendships and make friends easily.
• They are less afraid of being laughed at, less afraid of what people will say, more individualistic.
• They are relatively unfrightened by the unknown, and they don’t just cling to the familiar.
• They have a high degree of self-acceptance–accepting the way they are, yet this somehow frees them to change and improve themselves.

Raising children who develop these characteristics takes time and commitment. There’s no gimmick or quick way to do it. Parents who take the time to understand and then put what they learn into practice are richly rewarded, usually far beyond their hopes and expectations.

I loved doing the PET course. Learnt so much.

[misty]

I think that manytimes you could list me as one of those 'frustrated and negative' parents.

Would I attend a parenting course?
NO.

Why?
I guess because when you are feeling frustrated and negative it is because you are dealling with a particular situation and you don't feel like a 'course' on how to parent is going to be of any use.

I know personally, I have researched whatever issue I am having (at the moment tantrums) to death. I KNOW the information out there. I have put what is possible into practice. And when I am feeling frustrated and negative I don't WANT someone else to be dictating to me HOW I 'should' be doing things - particularly when my individual situation does not allow for things to be done 'by the book' everytime (or even anytime).

There is also that understanding with myself that sometimes, as a parent, you just cannot control everything. Meaning although I might find it frustrating and negative, there really is NOTHING that can be done or learnt from a parenting course, because it is simply a developmental issue that will pass with time.

If that makes any sense.

[helle]

I think that manytimes you could list me as one of those 'frustrated and negative' parents.

Would I attend a parenting course?
NO.

Why?
I guess because when you are feeling frustrated and negative it is because you are dealling with a particular situation and you don't feel like a 'course' on how to parent is going to be of any use.

I know personally, I have researched whatever issue I am having (at the moment tantrums) to death. I KNOW the information out there. I have put what is possible into practice. And when I am feeling frustrated and negative I don't WANT someone else to be dictating to me HOW I 'should' be doing things - particularly when my individual situation does not allow for things to be done 'by the book' everytime (or even anytime).

There is also that understanding with myself that sometimes, as a parent, you just cannot control everything. Meaning although I might find it frustrating and negative, there really is NOTHING that can be done or learnt from a parenting course, because it is simply a developmental issue that will pass with time.

If that makes any sense.

Agreed. I won't go to one either. They just confuse the **** out if me, to be honest, and make me feel like what im already doing is wrong even if its working.

I feel negative and frustrated now tho. That I didn't think to get my child rearing diploma ^^;

[misty]

I think the other thing to recognise is that many of us may never wish to attend a parenting course, but we do have other sources of support, information and assistance. This may be in the form of friends, family, community members, healthcare professional, your local hairdresser...

My mother is my main resource. She done a (mostly) fabulous job of raising her six children and she is qualified in education, special needs children and early childhood development (she has even been the one to run quite a few different parenting courses). She is a great role model and sounding board and when I am frustrated and negative, she understands completely and will usually be the one to point out to me that I AM or HAVE tried everything possible and practical, and that all kids are different and trying in their own ways - and the only thing that can be done at times is perservence. Everything will work out in the end (even if you feel like selling the kid on ebay in the interim).

Maybe if I didn't have such fabulous support and was not very well educated myself in regards to childrearing, then I might find a 'course' more benefical, but (rightfully, or wrongfully) I currently veiw them as a tool for the completely clueless and often a bigger stressor to the parents attending (from my observations of other parents I know who do and have attended many courses and are completely caught up in trying to be perfect and hard on themselves when things don't go to plan).

Having said that, I certainly do know some parents who SHOULD attend some kind of parenting course IMHO, so I do think it is a good thing they exist - I just think that too often the people who really could benefit don't do these things and those doing them often need to just relax and follow their instincts alot more.

[BellyBelly]

I thought about this and how I would compare it to personal growth and development; before I felt stuck and wanted to find a different/better/less stressful way after feeling I couldnt take any more.... so when I finally took it upon myself to change it and stop struggling with it, it made a massive difference. Everyone has something different to teach and a different style of teaching so it can be hard to look at some things optimistically. But since I have done PET there is less shouting, more talking, more calm, less blowups, less frustration, more sharing of feelings, more helping - so that in turn makes me more inclined to want to do more when I realise what a difference it can make having some tools in your kit. Unlike others I didnt have a great deal of family around me and due to work commitments as a business owner, the social life suffers too. I feel like a better parent and its been great for my confidence and patience. Same with personal development. Took me 30 years to get around to do it lol, but now I have done it, I love it, because of the way its enabled me to live and think, and be open to possibilities even in 'bad' situations.

No-one likes being told, but I think its a good thing to be open to people who have something different and positive to teach. Told and taught are two different things. Thats how I approach things anyways