Hi, new here and need some advice. I have a 9 mth old DD who is becomming very difficult to get to sleep/resettle/sleep in general.
She is a very "attached" little one, has spent the better half of each night since birth in our bed, which has always been fine when she sleeps, but then it all turned to **** a few weeks before her first teeth appeared (about 2 mths ago), and now every night it's hard to get her to sleep, we always cuddle her until she's just closing her eyes, then put her in her cot which has always worked until recently. Then when she wakes about midnight(ish) I usually bring her into our bed so she can have a feed and then she would go back to sleep between us.
Now as soon as we even move to put her down (either in her cot or our bed) she wakes up (doesn't seem to matter even if she's fast asleep) and just starts screeming. Once she is asleep she only sleeps 2-3 hours then wakes crying again. Even when she is in our bed she still wakes crying every 2-3 hours and is very hard to calm down and resettle, many nights have seen me craddling her in my arms until she finally stops squirming and goes to sleep, which leads to me getting very uncomfortable and TIRED!!
It's not hunger, because if I try to feed her she just pushes me away. We are getting stressed (mainly from lack of sleep) and as we try and work out what on earth her problem is we are trying to stay positive about this passing.
She's otherwise well, has taken her to the doctors, no obvious physical reason for her to be so upset EVERY night, any (gentle) advice would be appreciated.... ???
bumping so hopefully someone has some ideas. my LO is doing the screaming at the moment, and i think she has also got teeth coming through, so maybe it's a pain/teeth thing waking them up?
I don't know how much help I'll be as I think the frequent waking is probably very normal behaviour. I'm not sure she's in pain as much as just tired and unable to get back to sleep.
Phoebe will still occasionally wake overnight upset and I'm pretty confident it's just that she's tired and can't deal with it herself, KWIM?
I reckon your DD will get back into learning to fall asleep again but the tiredness (yours I mean) is something that might stick around for a while. The only thing that works overnight with Phoebe is to cuddle her until she is completely back to sleep again. This can sometimes take me over an hour. She doesn't sleep with us though and is no longer BF. She has always transferred from arms to cot much more easily than Natalie did.
Do you think you may need to change the bedtime routine? Perhaps your DD needs to settle in the cot in the first instance, perhaps with some patting or a book or a toy to cuddle. You could always pick her up as soon as she seems upset, then return her to the cot and so on. I guess you could also lose the cot altogether and see if you can work out a bedtime routine in your bed that works, then see if the same thing works during the night if/when she wakes.
This may not be popular, but I wonder if the crying is something she needs to do, given she won't tolerate the comfort you offer her. I'm not suggesting by any means that you leave her alone to cry but that you accept she will probably keep doing it until she re-learns how to settle off to sleep. Possibly you could see how best you can let her know you're there for her and just allow her to let it out. That might mean lying next to her and speaking to her, shushing her or stroking her or whatever. Perhaps once she has let it out a bit she might return to the breast and feed back to sleep.
On the other hand, maybe your doing any one of those things might make her even more upset in which case you may need to move around with her in order to calm her.
It's probably a case of following her lead.
Either way, my personal opinion is that babies do wake frequently overnight and many do find it incredibly hard to get back to sleep happily. (This has been the case with both of mine.) And the best way I found to deal with this is to accept that (particularly with Phoebe) she is going to wake and will need for me to be at her disposal to get back to sleep and it may take a while. Once that acceptance is there, if she does sleep for an extended period its simply a very welcome, happy surprise.
Sorry - this sounds so depressing! I didn't mean it to be. I have found nighttime cuddles with Phoebe some of our most enjoyable times together. On the other hand, I commiserate with the tiredness as it can very easily become disabling. I have heavily relied on the help of family in the past when I've been more tired than I could express.
I wish you all the very best in finding something that works for you.
You probably don't want to hear this but my DS does this every night still.. He is 18 months. It's like he gets more upset if I try to feed him or pat his back so I've taken to just letting him know I'm there by having my hand resting on his back or leg and just waiting for him to resettle on his own. He settles quicker this way. If I try to feed/cuddle/pat/shhhh it seems to wake him more and he is harder to get back to sleep. He still mostly co sleeps but his toddler bed is side-carring (is that even a word!?) our bed.
Sorry, not much help but I hope things settle down soon x
Our DD was similar while teething. The restless nights came and went right up until she cut her eye teeth in March (when she was almost 19 months). We are just waiting for her 2 year old molars but she has been brilliant since the eye teeth came through, phew!
The restless nights felt like they went forever - or that they were never ending actually - but we did actually get decent breaks between teeth where she slept and resettled well again. I think we just tend to focus more on the bad nights IYKWIM.
We always stuck with our normal routine and kept trying our usual 'solutions' and sure enough, when things settled, life returned to normal. Teething was not nice in our house at all!! Nurofen and Panadol helped quite a bit so maybe give some pain relief a go if you suspect it's teeth.
I agree with the others that this is normal - sorry! My 19 month old still does this (and TBH it's often more than every 2-3hrs). I think some children just don't sleep that well and have that need for extra reassurance.
I agree with Snacks, that accepting it makes it a bit easier. If you are constantly thinking something is wrong and trying to change them, you feel upset and frustrated and like it's something you are doing wrong. Once you accept this is perhaps just how your little person is, it can be easier. And hopefully it helps a little to know you aren't alone!
It is very tiring, so you have my sympathy.
Have you looked into food intolerances? I know DD1 was terrible with sleep and was able to pinpoint it to 1 food colouring in particular and I am certain other foods were affecting her. May be something to check out what you are eating and what you DD is eating, especially is something new has been introduced recently.
Another thing to try is some of the homeopathic sleep remedies, such as Brauer's Calm and I think Rescue Remedy has a sleep one out now. I have had some help with that in the past. Maybe even pick up some Rescue Remedy for yourself.
I have also found that sometimes they do just go through that phase. DD2 about that age needed to be settled on a sling whilst I stood in the lounge room, then suddenly she was fine with being settled back in the bedroom in the dark.
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9 mth old DD with sleep issues, advice please!!!
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