Sleep issues still.. 12 month old

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Dd has never 'slept through' and that's fine. The best she has done is wake maybe twice between 8pm & 7am.
Her days are usually the same, she's been having just one sleep during the day for maybe 5 or so months now and she doesn't look tired enough for a second sleep.
So she wakes on a normal night, about 8 times. We got just so darn toyed that we ended up co sleeping, but because dh refuses to move rooms and so do I because I feed dd every time she wakes, it is ruining or relationship. No sex. Dh constantly waking her up with his elephant like snoring, Complaing that dd is on his side.. Blah blah.. Co sleeping is not agood option for the long term.
Dd feeds up to 8 or so times during the day, she drinks lots of water and eats plenty offood. Sometimes when she wakes at night I whip or the boob and as soon as she latches on, she's out to it.
So I don't actually know why she is waking.
So we've had to put our thinking hats on, maybe if we eliminate the night feeds, she wont need to wake? Ok, so I am trying this tonight. She is in her cot at the moment. She woke at 10.30..it its now 12.15am. I go in there when she starts to cry to try calm her down. Stupid dh is snoring so loudly that I want to strangle him. I am sitting up though so I don't get frustrated that she is not asleep yet.
Every now and then she gives a random scream but I do not think she will go to sleep anytime soon.
She does go to sleep by herself when we put her there at 8pm or just before.. So we know she can do it.
So why doesn't she sleep at night then? I am turning into a zombie. Even co sleeping was hard when she was waking so much.
I will be taking her to the health nurse soon who apparently wants to refer us to the sleep school, which I really don't want to do, but I have run out of options.
we have done everything we could think of bar cio.
Hanging by my last thread,
Does anybody have any idea of what we could do before we are referred?
Thankyou xxx

[kaze]

Ds is the same. Wakes several times a night, always looking for the breast. Sure sometimes me stirring in my sleep wakes him up, same with dp he probably wakes him up too, other times I have no idea! But I choose not to see it as anything wrong. Sure don't get me wrong, I would love to have a full nights sleep, but if that's not going to happen then I am just going to get on with it, not stress about it, just accept how it is and when he is ready he will sleep through. Went through the same thing with my dd who has been consistently sleeping through for the last 6 months or so. I did go to a sleep clinic of sorts (a 2hour session run by the mchn) and tbh I felt that my situation wasn't that bad to need to go to a sleep school. I felt compelled to go to this session thing because everyone around me were boasting about how their kids were sleeping through, it started to feel like I was being pressured to do what I had to do to get my child to sleep through. So instead of implementing "contolled comfort strategies" I plodded along, learnt to catch up on sleep where I could, let go of the expectation that my kids have to sleep through the night or having to actively try to get them to sleep through. That's what has got me though it. Fingers crossed ds will come good when his canines have finished cutting through, I dont like to blame teething but it must be rough having another 4 cut through at once! And he's 15months now, might see in the near future if setting him up in a king single bed might give him him space to sleep by himself, or room for me to bunk in when he wakes up

[Meercat]

My DD was the same... We took her to a physio who adjusted her back and although it was hard to watch, and she still doesn't sleep through... Her sleep is 100% better.

We went from ten wake ups a night to 2-3.

She was doing the same thing... Wanting the boob or just randomly screaming out. We refuse to let her cry so had to look for alternative options.

So a physio or chiro may be another option?


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[willow5]

I agree with what Kaze said! My DS is 19months now and doesn't sleep through. 3 wakes a night is awesome here, but rare normal is more like between 4 and 8 times. I am tired all the time but some days are worse than others. I know this is not forever and before you know it they will be grown up so I'm just going with it.
I like Kaze don't see it as something wrong. All babies are different, have different needs etc there really is no "normal" Hang in there she will sleep eventually. Honestly I found the 6 month mark was terrible I thought it would never end and I was never going to sleep again ever! But it seemed to get easier from there, maybe you start to get used to it Now at 19 months it's still exhausting but I have less days of wanting to cry, or, throw up.
We co-sleep DP is a heavy noisey sleeper which drove me insane at first waking DS with snoring, grunting, coughing and just being generally restless. He decided after a while he didn't want to sleep in the same bed as he thought he might roll over and hurt DS in his sleep. So, now DP sleeps in our room on his own, and I sleep in DS's room with him. Hopefully once he sleeps through I'll be able to just go back to my room and he won't miss me until he wakes in the morning ...I can only imagine at this point
I've actually ordered Pinky MKkays Sleep book, just to see what she says. She doesn't seem to believe in controlled crying or "controlled comforting" so I'm interested to see if she has any tips for helping him to sleep through, or at least get down to one or two wake ups. I'm happy to co-sleep for as long as he needs me to, but more than 1 or 2 hours sleep IN A ROW would be heaven!

Anyway sorry to ramble on. (see sleep deprivation ) Good luck I hope you get what you need soon

[YoYo]

Dd is like this too.... So was ds.

Just as with kaze and willow, I just don't see it as something 'wrong' just our way.

With ds I did steps to change things.... Slowly and gently. First I cut down, then eliminated day feeds.... Then cut down and then eliminated night feeds.... Then took the sides off his cot and lay with him (pretty darn uncomfy!) while he slept, then I got a mattress and moved to the floor, then I eventually left the room, only going in if he called out, and resettled him with cuddles.... Then, we moved... He got a new bed... He thought it was cool.... The it was done! The start of all this change, was at about 15 months.

I will do the exact same thing with dd once our visitors have all finished!! But I've started the process by buying dd a double bed.

Good luck, you'll work out what's best for you. Oh, and if you don't want to be referred to a sleep school, just dont talk sleep with your mchn. They don't need to know everything,

X


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[Asparagus and Lemons]

Thanks so much everyone.
It can be so tiring getting only a few hours sleep some nights.
Some days I just can't function because of how little sleep I have had.
A few weeks ago I forgot to strap dd into her seat belt in the car and got 10 mins down the road before she tapped me on the shoulder as she was playing around the back, out of her seat. This is why things need to change. We were lucky that day that I didn't get get off and have to suddenly brake, or have an accident. I would never have forgiven myself.

I ended up rocking dd to sleep last night with no feeds still, and she slept thru.. Well she is still asleep now in her cot at 8.40am!! . So I think we may be on to something. Although I'm petty sure my boobs are going to explode any second now!

I have the no cry sleep solution and I have tried those methods before, that is how we got her to go to sleep by herself.

We have been to the chiro a few times with her too, they were so great at fixing her reflux issues! She takes so many falls as she learns to walk. She had not been for a few months now though.

Will be interesting to see how she goes tonight.I'm quite amazed at kassy nights results actually.. I'm tired because I was up for 4 hours trying to get her to sleep.. but she did not wake up again, maybe she realised she didn't need milk?

[Traveller]

When my twins were about a year old I was exhausted from constantly feeding overnight (each twin 2 or 3 times a night and they never woke at the same time) so I started offering water in the night instead of a breastfeed. It worked in that they no longer woke for a feed, I guess water was not as appetising for them to want to wake up for. Just another suggestion to add to your arsenal as you get her to sleep a bit more at night

[kelebek]

My DS was similar, would wake up multiple times through the night. We took him to a sleep school at 11 mnths with limited success (I would not recommend it unless your DH is on the same page... part of our problem was that when we got home OH didn't want to listen to him crying and would tell me to just feed him which defeated the purpose)

We ended up getting him a king single so that I can join him with enough room for all of us. He starts off the night on his own and at some point I join him. I weaned him at 33 mnths and he was really only feeding once at night for about 6 mnths. It wasn't easy then but I don't think it was ever going to be easy. He still doesn't sleep through

This is not to say that you can't help your DD to sleep better or through or whatever just letting you know of our experience Goodluck and hope it works for you

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Thanks so much, it is really interesting to hear the different ways people have dealt with the issue.
I love the water idea! That will definantly be on the list of things to do for tonight! Thanks again everyone! Xxx