You've had a friends child staying with you for the last couple of nights, and you've decided that you wish to go and visit someone's grave site. Would you ask permission from the parents of the child that is staying asking if it is okay to take them to the grave site, or just make them tag along without asking?
Going to a grave for the first time can be quite confronting, has the child been before? Have they recently lost someone? Has the concept of death even been spoken about much in their house?
Hmmm tricky, I'm sure it would be fine, I guess go with your gut instincts, do you know the parents well? are the likely to care? Would you have any worries with another family taking your child to a grave? I know I wouldn't mind but you just never know I guess
I don't think i would have asked...but you have made me think. Maybe (depending on age) some children aren't all that aware of death/burial etc, and perhaps an explanation/interpretation from you isn't what this childs parent would want.
I wouldn't mind personally. I think children need to be taken to all sorts of things in life.
ETA: Will you be upset? Not prying, just if you are in tears, perhaps that will affect this child?
Interesting question! My mum and step-dad took my boys to one without asking me and I didn't mind at all, nor would I mind if it was someone else taking my child.
It's probably best to ask just to be on the safe side though
It isn't actually me that is going. My best friend is taking Kameron, to a childs grave (not her own child). No he has never been to a cemetry before and the closest thing that has died was our dog. So no people close to him have died recently. Yes my best friend will probably cry, as the child's headstone has arrived. Not sure if she is meeting the child parents there or not.
I found out as she was leaving. I said "what are you up to today cause I will come and get Kam" and she said "just heading out the door to take *** to work and then going to the grave to see ***, will ttyl"
Last edited by Astrolady; July 11th, 2011 at 01:41 PM.
At age 9 I am sure the child has SOME concept of life and death.
I dunno i am in two minds, I personally would choose a day when the mentioned child was no longer with you, if that was not an option then a little call to let friends know that you need to visit the grave won't hurt.
On the other hand, Its a grave yard, you probably wouldn't be staying long. Its not a scary place, you don't see any dead bodies or anything gory so I don't see it as an issue ..........
but thats just my opinion. If the child asks question answer honestly but at 9yrs old they really do have some idea about death. Even if its just related to Easter itms.
Given that it is a child's grave I would ask and I would also expect to be asked if it was my child often children understand about elderly people dying and pets etc but they don't often think of people their own age dying. I still woudn't mind but I would like to be asked first so I was prepared for any discussions they might come after the visit.
I would be asking, purely for the fact that the parent would be prepared for any conversations that may crop up, also if they haven't been before I would think it would be somewhat confronting for them as well.
Yeah that is just it Trish, I wasn't asked. I was bascially told what they were doing today, and she said she'd send me a msg on their way home. Before I could voice my opinon about Kameron going to a grave site, she was offline.
Personally I do feel like she should have asked, which is why I did the hypothetical of "would you ask" cause I wasn't sure if I was over reacting or not. I am not a graveyard person. I like going to them and reading headstones and stuff, moreso the old cemetries, but I don't go there to visit an actual burial site. Well mainly cause I don't have any family actually buried.
I just think a "Hey can Kameron come to *** grave" would have been nice.
Yes I'd ask first. Death and beliefs about death are very personal and vary widely between faiths etc, I think it's just respectful to check in with a child's parent to see that they're ok with it.
But I can also see how your friend may not have been in the headspace to think about it if she was close to the people whose child's grave it is, especially if the death was fairly recent.
Personally I think she should have asked. Especially someone of Kameron's age as it could be quite confronting and will probably raise a number of questions from Kameron for you.
She just came back onto FB from her mum's place and said that they are not going to the grave as she thought it would be best to wait for her partner to get home, so he could go too. So once I know they are home I will make sure I am straight over collecting him from his 2 day sleep over.
I'm glad I wasn't totally over-reacting for not being asked first. Had I been asked, I would have said "I'd rather him not go, I'll come and get him"
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Would you ask first?
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