A bit of a stuff up I need help with.

[Trillian]

OK, so this year I coached my two DD's in their under10's netball team. We are part of a football and netball club and because the u10's play modified Netta rules, the don't play for a premiership as such even though they play in the regular home and away season. So when the finals roll around, all the u10s teams are allocated a final game to pay at to kinda make up for it. Thing is, we are a country league and the teams are really spread out - I'm talking like 300KM+ travel to our furtherest game! And the finals are allocated to the clubs who aren't playing in the football final. So our Under 10's were unfortunately slotted to play at Hillston, which is nearly a 3hour drive away. I declined the game, which the organisers understood, because it was kinda pointless to go all that way when we had to be there at 8.30am.

So my problem is this. When it got to the end of the season, I told all the parents that we may have to play a game at one of the finals and I would let them know if we did, and if they didn't hear from me then we didn't have to play. So the schedule came through, I told them we weren't going to play and left it at that. I did tell parents when they asked me about it and I told them that no, we weren't playing. There were two parents I didn't worry about telling as they are sisters and one of them has a DD that played in my team and the older one plays in the under 12s. I didn't tell them as I did not see them in person. However, in the local paper on Friday it was advertised that our team had to play at this town despite me giving over a weeks notice that we weren't so obviously no one thought to tell the paper that. So that meant I had to contact these two parents to tell them no, we weren't playing. I knew that one of them had to go there anyway as the older girl was meant to play there, so that wasnt' a drama if she took the younger girl. Her sister I could not get in touch with. I probably naively though that when Sister B got her message, that she would let Sister A know. But it turns out that Sister B does not check her phone messages and they both travelled all the way out there thinking these two girls would be playing netball. They all travelled in the same car too.

I have left a phone message with Sister A apologising for the confusion and asked her to call me back so I can apologise to her instead of leaving a message. But this person is one of those people that is quite narky and will stab you in the back as soon as you turn your back on her, so if she is ****ty about the situation, then I know she's running around telling everyone who will listen about it. So I am prepared to get a serve from her when I do speak with her. And I probably kind of deserve it too as ultimately I am the coach and I should have made sure she got the message, but if I could not get in touch with her, how much of the responsibility for the mistake should I take? Also, because I said I would let them know and if they didn't hear from me then we weren't playing, would you still drive up there anyway even though you had not heard from the coach that you had to play or would you call them to check? I do feel bad about it, but I can't help but think that this is not all my fault either. I gave explicit instructions about what I would do, so can I be blamed if they forgot?

Either way I know it is going to turn into a ****ty situation and I'm probably going to have to suck it up and deal with it.

[Floweryfields]

I guess I would ring and check that we were playing for sure (or ask another parent) before driving all that way. I do understand why she'd be upset, but I really dislike people who don't come and say things directly to you rather than whinge around town to others about it.

[StrawberryFields]

I would call the coach and check regardless if it was a drive like that, its just common sense. If I couldn't get onto the coach, I would call a couple of the other parents to confirm. You tried to contact her, you let the other parents know, you left her a message which she failed to check.

I think its mostly her fault really. Yes you could have persisted in calling her until you got her, but you told everyone that hearing nothing meant no game anyway, and you do have better things to do than sit around trying to get onto her all day.

You're not the one who didn't check your messages, she is and now she's paid the price for it. Tough titties if you ask me. Maybe now she will start paying more attention to her phone. I understand why she would be upset, but at the end of the day you did your part, its not your fault she can't dial voicemail.

But, I bet she would never admit to that so you're probably going to cop it anyway Just let her know you tried, and you're sorry. At least you know you did your part.

[briggsy's girl]

i don't think you need to take too much responsibility at all to be honest

you've said no, unless otherwise notified
you've attempted to make contact when it appeared in the paper
you've spoken to the sister who she travelled with - if they are close enough to car pool, they are close enough to say "hey, it's only my older kid playing, not the younger one"

to be honest, i would think that she DID know, but decided to go along to watch her niece play - and is now going to make waves just because she's "one of those people"

apologise for not being able to reach her, but don't accept responsibility - remind her that it was always a no go unless otherwise advised - and leave it at that.

[Mel_B1981]

If the coach told me we were not required UNLESS they call me, I would be checking with the coach before driving just the 7KM I have to drive to drive into the country town I live in let alone a 3 hour drive away.

[Boo Boo]

There is no way I would travel three hours unless I had checked that it was a definite goer!

[Tinks]

I don't think it's your fault at all, she didn't check her phone messages.

[Artechim]

Wouldn't the daughter have had some idea they weren't playing?

You told them they wouldn't be playing unless they heard from you, remind her of that if she says anything to you. If she wasn't sure after seeing it in the paper she could have contacted you. She got a ride with her sister so it isn't like she is miles out of pocket.

It was a misunderstanding, not your fault if you couldn't contact her since you had given prior instruction.

[Traveller]

She shouldn't have driven without checking first. It is not your fault imho.

[Ginger]

not your fault. you've rung and left a message- not much else you can do. leave it at that.....and if she wants to go around backstabbing you, then she will be the one who looks silly.

[RhiChiChi]

I would have double checked, particularly since you had made it clear you would let people know. The ad in the paper probably confused them but she should have checked. What can you do about it, except apologise?

[Astrolady]

I agree with everyone else. Not your fault at all. You've done the best you could in the situation.

[Trillian]

Thanks everyone. Even though I agree and think it's not all my fault, there is still a small part of me that worries I didn't do enough.

[AnyDream]

That's because you're such a lovely and considerate person. Ask yourself, if the tables were turned, would she be beating herself up? I doubt it.

[briggsy's girl]

That's because you're such a lovely and considerate person. Ask yourself, if the tables were turned, would she be beating herself up? I doubt it.

yeah that!

[Trillian]

MD, you're exactly right! Thank you.