Should you forgive?

[BellyBelly]

The Tao Of Forgiveness

One day, the sage gave the disciple an empty sack and a basket of potatoes.. "Think of all the people who have done or said something against you in the recent past, especially those you cannot forgive.

For each of them, inscribe the name on a potato and put it in the sack."

The disciple came up quite a few names, and soon his sack was heavy with potatoes. "Carry the sack with you wherever you go for a week," said the sage. "We'll talk after that."

At first, the disciple thought nothing of it. Carrying the sack was not particularly difficult. But after a while, it became more of a burden. It sometimes got in the way, and it seemed to require more effort to carry as time went on, even though its weight remained the same.

After a few days, the sack began to smell. The carved potatoes gave off a ripe odor. Not only were they increasingly inconvenient to carry around, they were also becoming rather unpleasant.

Finally, the week was over. The sage summoned the disciple. "Any thoughts about all this?"

"Yes, Master," the disciple replied. "When we are unable to forgive others, we carry negative feelings with us everywhere, much like these potatoes. That negativity becomes a burden to us and, after a while, it festers."

"Yes, that is exactly what happens when one holds a grudge. So, how can we lighten the load?"

"We must strive to forgive."

"Forgiving someone is the equivalent of removing the corresponding potato from the sack. How many of your transgressors are you able to forgive?"

"I've thought about it quite a bit, Master," the disciple said. "It required much effort, but I have decided to forgive all of them."

"Very well, we can remove all the potatoes. Were there any more people who transgressed against you this last week?"

The disciple thought for a while and admitted there were. Then he felt panic when he realized his empty sack was about to get filled up again.

"Master," he asked, "if we continue like this, wouldn't there always be potatoes in the sack week after week?"

"Yes, as long as people speak or act against you in some way, you will always have potatoes."

"But Master, we can never control what others do. So what good is the Tao in this case?"

"We're not at the realm of the Tao yet. Everything we have talked about so far is the conventional approach to forgiveness. It is the same thing that many philosophies and most religions preach - we must constantly strive to forgive, for it is an important virtue. This is not the Tao because there is no striving in the Tao."

"Then what is the Tao, Master?"

"You can figure it out. If the potatoes are negative feelings, then what is the sack?"

"The sack is... That which allows me to hold on to the negativity. It is something within us that makes us dwell on feeling offended.... Ah, it is my inflated sense of self-importance. "

"And what will happen if you let go of it?"

"Then... The things that people do or say against me no longer seem like such a major issue."

"In that case, you won't have any names to inscribe on potatoes. That means no more weight to carry around, and no more bad smells.

The Tao of forgiveness is the conscious decision to not just to remove some potatoes... But to relinquish the entire sack.

[Jellybean29]

I like it!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Interesting read and useful, but I don't feel it is applicable to all situations. For example, you wouldn't tell an abuse victim that it was her own sense of self-importance that was the issue in difficulty with forgiveness, right?

[Jellybean29]

This reminds me of the book Amazing Grace. Such a good read on forgiveness

[~Hestia~]

I have trouble forgiving but I like the story, something to think about.

[Marley&Me]

Yes I also have trouble forgiving, my problem is that I never ever forget, which makes it so much harder to forgive! But this story is very inspirational, it makes perfect sense!

[Cranky Kitten]

I think the theory works in terms of the everyday irritations we face that are generally fairly minor that people get worked up over. But once something crosses the line from irritation or minor issue into genuine injury or aggrievance, it isn't really helpful or applicable. You would not suggest to somebody who had suffered a physical injury that the pain they're in is a result of their holding onto their own negative perceptions of the situation, rather it would be recognised that those wounds need time to heal, to scab over and then form a scar before anyone would dare suggest that they simply "let it go and move on". Will that scar ever really go away? Maybe, maybe not. Scars fade with time, the pain lessens and eventually the person is able to go about their lives without dwelling on the injury that caused that scar. Occasionally if pressure is applied or they are reminded of that scar, they will remember how they came by it, feel sad or angry and then it will fade back into the background once more.

I find this is more apt a description of healing from mental scars just as much as physical.

[BellyBelly]

If you want to explore this further and get more clarity, check out the clips I posted on Anthony De Mello. Don't let the old style clips put you off, he has some amazing and fascinating things to say.

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...s-work-165345/

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I think its a great story and usually i am not one to hold grudges as yes they begin to become a burden but there is one particular person who i will never forgive nor forget what they have done so i am happy to carry that burden.