What would you have done?

[Tuesday's Child]

At 21 months DD was the youngest child at a BBQ we went to last night. She made it clear she wanted to go down to the lawn to play with all the other kids so DH went with her. Anyway as it does with kids when they run around together, the play got a little rough. Nothing serious, just DD getting tugged around and falling over a lot because she always had someone hanging onto her. DH and I both held our breath when DD followed 2 of the girls (about 3-4 years old) to the enclosed trampoline. I didn't think she'd get up there with them, but she did. They'd all hold hands and of course DD would be the first to fall, so down they'd all go, then help DD up, jump once or twice and down she'd go again.

Anyway, DH wasn't happy with how 'rough' the play was or with her being on the trampoline, but he wasn't willing to step in anymore than I was. DD was laughing the whole time and any sign that she wasn't enjoying herself and I would've jumped in. I kept saying to DH, "Listen to her, she's laughing. She's not even looking our way for help. She doesn't get to play with other kids outside of daycare very often, just let her go. If it goes wrong, we're right here". I was reminding myself as much as him, but it hurt when he told me I obviously didn't care. I did step in when they were trying to help DD climb down from the trampoline (one of the girls looked like she was going to drag her out, but I knew DD would be too heavy for her). That was the only time DD cried the entire night - when Mum came over to say fun's over. We also kept her close by us for the rest of night, because by then the older kids (9-12 year olds) were out playing too.

The thing is, DD seems to have the good mix of curiosity and caution. If she's unsure of something, she's happy to sit and watch and suss it out before giving it a go. Also, she weighs 14kg so it's not like she's a slight little thing that other children would find easy to pick up or drag around.

I think this is more of an issue between DH and I and how we parent. Sometimes, I wish he'd be a bit more involved so that he could know what our daughter is like and trust her judgement (with our guidance of course, but not our control). I don't want her to be shy like me or anti-social like him. And I don't want to be over-protective and pass to her our caution as fear.

Did I do the right thing by letting her go under a watchful eye, ready to pounce if it all went wrong? Or was I wrong to leave her in a situation where she could have potentially been hurt? Where was I to draw the line?

Please be gentle with me.

[Charlotte91]

I would have done the exact same thing. Although DD is only 8 months, I'm so protective of her. I would feel stressed out watching her jump on the trampoline with other kids.

I think you did an awesome job with letting her have her fun. You're her mummy, of course you're allowed to watch like a hawk!

That's exactly how I would have handled the situation. You're an awesome mummy!

[Glass half full]

I would have done exactly as you did. Its sounds like your DD was having a great time, and that you and/or your DH were always close by. From what you've written I can't really understand why their would have been a problem or why your DH would say you don't care I'm sorry you are left doubting yourself, sounds like you're a wonderful mummy

[FabFiona]

I would have done what you did and I do take your view. My DS is 22 months and is exactly the same. He loves to play with the big kids, often gets knocked over, thinks its hilarious and generally has a ball.

I let my son go. To date he's always been fine. He loves it and I love watching him happy.

And if he gets hurt? Well, I'll dust him off / take him to hospital if needed and all will be fine then too.

My DH is a little like yours although not to that extent. I just say to him that if you are uncomfortable with what is going on then you do something about it but I'm not worried. When he hears that I'm not worried he generally backs off.

It's a hard one and I think it will get better with time as your little one gets bigger.

[MamaPan]

sounds like a great balance.... and sounds like she had a ball! (it does get easier to let them go...)

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I would have done (and have done) the exact same thing.
My girls are VERY adventurous, they do things most girls their age would not even contemplate, they follow the big kids, they ride motorbikes, the jump on the trampoline and go on the 'big kids' stuff at play centres.
We have slowly realised they will let you know when they are not comfortable and more often than not the bigger kids have the best of intentions.
My girls were constantly on the trampoline at family parties with the bigger kids, at times the bounce or fall was a little hard but nothing that 'injured' them.

Maybe you can chat about it with him, ask him what made him uncomfortable and what makes you think you didn't care, i'll send you some pics of things my DD's weer doing at that age, he'll soon realise he has nothing to worry about.

Tell him my DD climbed UP A LADDER to our roof line before she turned 2

[~StarBright~]

I think you did the right thing, she was having FUN!!!!!! If anything my opinion is that your DH cared more about how HE was feeling than he was about your DD. You were caring about your DD.. she would have been miserable if you had tried to keep her away from the fun. You kept a close eye on her and stepped in when it was needed and everything was ok!!

I hope your Dh learned from this that he can let go a bit. It is hard when the daddies (or mummies- or anyone!!!) who arnt there 24/7 dont really get the chance to see how independant little ones really are!! My 1 year old gets in the enclosed trampoline with her big brother (3)- I am always right there, but they jump and fall over (well DS jumps.. DD falls over lol) and she thinks its hilarious!!! She has never once come out of there crying- except when I have had to get her out when she wanted to stay!! lol

[Manhattan]

I would have done exactly what you did hun! Sounds like your DD was having an absoulute ball, and you were keeping an eye on her just in case. I believe kids can get hurt in any situation, so there is no point wrapping them up in cotton wool.

Don't doubt yourself so much, sounds like you are doing just fine

[briggsy's girl]

I'm a rather anxious person by nature, but when it comes to play time for DD, we let her guide us. we are never too far away "just in case" but i don't want her to have my anxiety issues, so i force myself to suck it up, and i let her guide us. she's the kid that climbs to the highest slide in the playground (at similar age to your DD), goes on the trampoline etc - but she also doesn't have a lot of time with other kids between her age (2 now) and her cousins (7-11yo's) so boisterous 3-4 year olds can be a little overwhelming for her. we went to the next door neighbors for their sons birthday - they had a jumping castle (the huge inflatable ones with obstacles inside, slide etc) - it was too much for her with all the other kids in there so she asked to come out and just play on the trampoline where it was calmer

your DD will let you know by herself if it's too much for her

now, ZF - you know my DD will be following yours at the play centre next week - hope they don't lead her TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO astray lol

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

now, ZF - you know my DD will be following yours at the play centre next week - hope they don't lead her TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO astray lol

Can i add a disclaimer "i will not be held responsible for any injuries or emotional scarring involved should a child wish to copy, follow or engage in activities involving the adventurous nature of my children.
Should my child physically injure your child (hahahaha as if) your more than welcome to verbally abuse me but i cannot be responsible should another child be less agile, or quick with physical response" ahh yes gives an idea JUST how adventurous my girls are when friends start say "don't lead them astray"

[*EJ*]

I would say that you did nothing wrong in letting your daugther experience the trampoline. You were right by her side so you were not doing it irrisponsibly given her age and the age of the others. It can be really hard to relax when we are fully aware of the consequences of things that they have no idea of and the last thing we want is for our little ones to get hurt if we could have avoided it.

I can't stand watching funniest home videos for this reason but i suppose in some cases it's often parents allowing their kids to have a go...

DH and I were brought up quite differently and therefore parent differently also but if there is ever a difference in opinion we discuss it and how we might deal with it next time. We manage and continue to learn about parenting every day.

It's all a learning curve and we just have to do what we feel is best for our child

[Cranky Kitten]

My theory - no harm, no foul Sounds like she had a great time bouncing with the other kids, and you were right there if something did go wrong. Letting go is hard when they look so little next to a bunch of bigger kids, but it's actually good for them - challenges them to stretch their limits and try new things. I'd definitely try talking to your DH about why he thought it wasn't ok, in a situation where you're not right there as it's happening - chances are he has learnt from the experience and only lashed out a bit because he was fretting about your DD.

My own DD is 9 now, and absolutely LOVES hanging out with her littler cousins, helping them on the play equipment and so on. It's a win/win as a lot of older kids are like this with littler ones too

[OceanPrincess]

Hun you did nothing wrong in my parenting book! I think we read off the same page! Be close enough to help if they need you but not so close as to smother. On Saturday after swimming we went to Maccas with the juniors and my DS (13mths) was running around with kids MUCH older than him - maybe 5/6yos - on the play equipment. He would get buffeted about as they ran past him and he would stumble and fall but just picked himself up and ran off again. He loved it - as you say, it is so infrequent that they get to interact with older kids, before primary school anyway that I think its important for them to learn how to act.

I think maybe your DH was projecting his own feelings onto you??

[Epacris]

Huge hugs to you. I think you're doing great!

I’m a very laid back (perhaps lazy ) parent and I let my kids run very free. I usually only intervene when they are going to hurt another child or break something precious and I only attend to them if they’re really upset or screaming. I purposely ignore minor scuffles and scrapes to give them the opportunity to work it out for themselves (and they do, often). I’ve been like this with them since the beginning.

[briggsy's girl]

I purposely ignore minor scuffles and scrapes to give them the opportunity to work it out for themselves (and they do, often). I’ve been like this with them since the beginning.

we're like that

very much an "oops, up ya get, brush yourself off and back into it" attitude. we only "fuss" (which isn't really fussing) if she is genuinely hurt/distressed.



ZF - your disclaimer makes me laugh - i'm sure E will be up and off with your girls - the three of them can get up to whatever hijinks they like. I'm just waiting for the "mummy watch, Mummy WATCH!" as she goes climbing really high lol

[FabFiona]

I'm just waiting for the "mummy watch, Mummy WATCH!" as she goes climbing really high lol

My DS is like this. He will look back at me with a massive smile as he's climbing up the brick BBQ to peek over the neighbours fence. Cheeky monkey.

[briggsy's girl]

My DS is like this. He will look back at me with a massive smile as he's climbing up the brick BBQ to peek over the neighbours fence. Cheeky monkey.

it's cute most of the time - damn scary some of it - and just plain annoying the rest - i can be sitting there totally focused on her - and she still walks over "mummy WATCH!"

although, now it's "mummy WATCH, mummy SMILE" as she demands i get the camera out lol

[Tuesday's Child]

very much an "oops, up ya get, brush yourself off and back into it" attitude. we only "fuss" (which isn't really fussing) if she is genuinely hurt/distressed.

That's how I want to be. DH just had me doubting myself.

Thanks so much everyone. I'll have a good chat with DH tonight - we do need to be on the same page.