The hardest job in the world?

[Phteven]

*Warning - Haphazard ramblings*
Ever since I got pregnant I've been told that being a mother is the hardest job in the world. It seems to have almost become an accepted truth of our culture. Personally I believed a lot of what people told me about being a mother because they had more experience than me but now that I've been a mother for long enough to get used to it I find myself wondering just how true that statement is.
I remember how hard it was waking up every 2 hours for a baby that still woke up every 2 hours long after his peers had settled down to sleeping 4 hours or longer but even though it felt like it went forever at the time, in retrospect it was such a short time and I kind of wish that I had savoured it just a little more.
I think that maybe this is the problem with living in a culture that has decided that being a mother is the hardest job in the world - that maybe because we are setting mothers up to believe that their job is going to be really hard so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, there are some parts that are tough but for those of us who are healthy (physically and mentally) it's not such a tough gig to have the privilege of raising healthy children in one of the luckiest countries on earth.

If we're told we are doing it tough does that lead to a false sense of entitlement? That we deserve a park beside the door like people who have mobility issues although we are young, fit and strong. That we have the right to board a plane first. That a baby on board sign justifies bad driving. Not to mention our entitlement to middle class welfare

We all have times when we would like to pretend that we are just baby-sitting or think about running away and joining the circus but that doesn't mean that we have the hardest job in the world - imagine working a in a 3rd world sweat shop or being a Dr in an Iraqi hospital.

I saw Fiona O'Loughlin on some TV show a couple of months ago discussing how hard motherhood is and the point that she made is that when the parents of healthy children claim that being parents is the hardest job on earth they are insulting all the parents sitting in hospitals praying that their children will survive or preparing to say good-bye. I would take it further and say that we insult all the parents trying to raise their children in circumstances that we can't even imagine. I think maybe we insult the parents who are still struggling to become parents and the parents who had to come home without their babies - they would probably love to have out tough gig.
I get that having special needs children and/or your own health issues makes it a whole heap harder but most of us don't.
It's good to have a whinge occasionally and acknowledge that parenting can have some ghastly moments but they aren't all ghastly moments.
How do our children feel - that being with them is a really tough job? If my husband complained that being with me was a difficult job I imagine that I would feel pretty upset.


I think I have repeated myself a bit and rambled a lot but the upshot of it all is that I'm calling bullshorts on the myth that raising children is the toughest job we can have. Raising our children is a privilege not a chore. Of course it's not always sunshine and lollipops but since we live in the real world not happy-happy-rainbowstan we should expect that.

[Jennifer13]

I'm another who actually finds mothering comes *relatively* easily. I love doing it, so how hard can it be? My paid work isn't really hard either, but often I find that more physically and mentally draining than being a parent.

I watch DP manage half a dozen ppl at the office and I would absolutely put his job down as harder! And as you point out, Onyx, there are other parents whose gig is much tougher than mine.

I really appreciate how lucky I am in my parenting situation too. (PS Being in a relationship with my DP is often harder than parenting my DD! Adults come with soooo much more baggage - like iLs).

[nothing2lose]

Maybe it's more accurate to say "most important job" - parenthood, not just motherhood!

[Heaven]

I'm with you. IMO it's the best job in the world! If it was the hardest then I wouldn't be so keen to do it 24/7 I'm sure.

The whole 'being a mum is the hardest job in the world' is a little white lie I let my husband believe so that he continues to think I'm awesome

[Lenny]

Timely post. I was telling DH just last night that, whilst sometimes my employers seem incredibly ungrateful, i am so lucky to have two happy healthy boys and the 'tough' part of the job really isn't the looking after them bit, but the external pressures that seem to come to bare from time to time.

I am fortunate, as is my family. My kids aren't 'tough'. Challenges are what makes me and the kids grow and learn.

Thanks for the reminder Onyx

[Just Me]

I don't know that I think it is the hardest job in the world but it is tough. It's not being with my kids that I find tough - I love it - but I find the constancy of it completely exhausting. I don't feel like I ever get to switch off. Not just from the physical side of things, but the emotional as well.

I do agree that being a parent is a priveledge and that we shouldn't take it for granted but I think there has to be balance between the two opinions.

[~Kim~]

hear hear...to both of you (Jen and Onyx).

I've been a cop and an ED nurse. I watch my DH police some of the toughest country there is in Australia. I am grateful everyday for the privilege of my 'job'.

[Sterla]

I'm with you. IMO it's the best job in the world! If it was the hardest then I wouldn't be so keen to do it 24/7 I'm sure.

The whole 'being a mum is the hardest job in the world' is a little white lie I let my husband believe so that he continues to think I'm awesome

Lol, ditto!

[RhiChiChi]

^^ agree with Just Me here. I remember when DD was a few weeks old and I was struggling with the sleep deprivation & I said to my DH that I could easily go back to my paid job b/c it would be easier

[Mak]

Interesting - I have found that whilst my little people have challenged me in ways I could have never imagined it has been the juggling of other adults that has been much harder. Managing to strike a balance between being a mother and fulfilling my other roles at work, as a sister, daughter, friend etc has taken me a while to weed through my priorities. I am really lucky as my paid work gives me a reminder that every day is precious and I think that this has helped me in a way to keep things in perspective.
Do you think that we have the luxury of being able to 'worry' about the 'have nots' possibly more than any other generation so far?

ETA - clarifying work!

[blessedatlast]

I think it's hard that you have the responsibility of someone relying on you 24/7. Your decisions could affect their whole life. I have been a SAHM for 6 months to my DSS when her was 18month to 2 and I enjoyed it immensely, having said that although I was playing the parent role I wasn't making the 'big' decisions that was up to his bio parents plus it was only for 6 months. After that we had him week on week off so we had a break from parenting..

With my twins I was only with them for 12 days but boy I had some big decisions to make. It was hard. Being their mum was hard. A job I would do again in a heartbeat but really really hard.

I am hoping with this baby, I'll find it easy to parent day to day, (I think I will) but I still think making some decisions will be hard. To have the constant responsibility is a big deal, especially when you feel overwhelmed, as I can imagine it would at times..

However I absolutely agree that raising a child is a privilege and not a chore. I absolutely cannot wait.. I guess after all that rambling I can see both sides and the love for your kids outweigh everything and make it the most rewarding

ETA: I can't wait to re read this response when Button is a year old lol... I wonder what I'll say then..

[Jakabella]

I wouldnt say the Hardest job in THE WORLD but today with a sick 2.5 yo and a teething grumpy 4.5 month old, its the hardest job in MY WORLD...

Its also the BEST job in my world....

[Jellyfish]

I agree with what you are saying, being a parent is a huge privilege. I think the way in which parenting is 'hard' is more emotional, suddenly your whole world seems more fragile or something. That aching love for your children can be an overwhelming uh... investment and a huge change, makes you sort of see things differently; not in a bad way though and hard probably isn't the right way to describe it even. All that would be amplified if we weren't in this country or had children who were very ill I imagine. Not even remotely the same but my DD has a speech issue and that is even heartbreaking, just having to watch her frustration as she tries to say simple words most children have been saying for 12 months (currently working on 'up') and it all coming out the wrong way, trying hard to understand things she wants to communicate and getting it wrong a million times a day; I do find that 'hard', even knowing it is something we can resolve and are working towards doing so, it is hard to watch her struggle I guess. I remember how much having my daughter made me appreciate my own parents. I mean I always thought they were great but when I understood that feeling it was like a huge 'oh wow, think of all the times I must have turned my parents into a mess without even thinking'. There is also the pressure of not wanting to do the wrong thing by her, always wondering if you are making the right choices for them or if you could be doing something more; the responsibility of it all. I wouldn't really consider it a job? To me the job part seems more out of place even than the hard part... hmm

Interesting thread, I do think parenting is the most amazing thing in the world and when she said 'up' completely unprompted I thought I would explode with joy and pride, there is nothing like it. I don't find the general day to day stuff hard nor do I really think of it as a job (okay, maybe I struggle to draw half the animals requested of me haha) but yeah, the emotional ties to her can be pretty... something... think I've rambled a bit myself...

[LionsandBears]

Parenting a living child is certainly a job I would love to have, one day. I still reserve the right to the occassional whinge when it happens though

There are many people in the world who would love the opportunity to vote, learn to read and right, have access to safe water sources and sanitation. Sometimes people ask me how I can get up every morning after what we've been through. Knowing there are people in the world who have seen their children killed, raped, die of preventable diseases and been powerless to stop it, yet they still have to get up every day and do the work that needs to be done. Those people are my inspiration.

Parenting is a precious gift. Yes, it's hard work. I can't say any of the small amount of parenting DH and I were privileged to be able to do was easy, but we did the best we could with love for our little boys. It's all we could do.

[RainbowBrite]

I see motherhood as a huge privileged and a huge responsibly...you are in charge of raising these little people to be all that they can be and to be decent human beings...what can be hard is knowing that you are doing the right thing.
The day to day stuff can be draining but is not the hardest job in the world.
But I have been through some of the hardest moments of my life being a mother...I have next to my babies in hospital praying they survive but that does not mean that the mother at home with a screaming baby does not have it hard to her...I got to take my baby home when other mothers don't and for that I am eternally grateful (and my heart truly goes out to those parents ) but it does not mean that it was not hard for me.
There is always someone worse...it does not mean that your situation is not hard to you.
(sorry for rambling)

[forshelby]

Well said, RB. It's all relative to each individuals circumstances. Motherhood has been the hardest adjustment for me, as well as the most rewarding. While I was and still am upset by my birth experience, I am so grateful that DS was spared the suffering I endured. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat if my suffering would benefit him in some way. Hope that made sense.

[LionsandBears]

There is always someone worse...it does not mean that your situation is not hard to you.

This is very true, for everything in life. I forget this some times. Everyone has different capabilities, life experience, intelligence and skills to draw on. I suppose what I respect most is resilience. yes, things are tough today. Have a whinge, have a sook, then get up and get on with it. Maybe this is for another thread.

[Just Me]

There is always someone worse...it does not mean that your situation is not hard to you.

I have struggled a lot with this all through my life and since becoming a mum. I have it so easy compared to lots of people ... why do I deserve what I have when other people have so little? I guess in that regard, I have learned to stop comparing myself. I have learned that I have the strength to get through what I need to, when I need to. I need to be grateful for what I have because of what I have not because of what others do or don't have and when I find it difficult, that's okay too.