I'm in need of support from other mummies who know what it's like to have a Velcro baby!
DS2 is 4 months old and has been this way since birth, he seems to be getting worse, not better!
He will not sleep in his cot, at all. All day sleeps are either in my arms or in the car or occasionally his pram while we are out. At night he sleeps with me, I've given up trying to put him in his cot.
During the day I might get 5-10 mins at a time maybe 3-4 times a day where he's happy for me to put him in his swing or jolly jumper, this allows me to get the essentials done like feed the rest of the family etc but not much time for anything else.
I used to carry him around in the sling all day but now his legs hang too low for it to be comfy and he's also starting to get a little too heavy for me.
When did it get easier? When was your little one happy to spend some time independant of you?
I love my little man to bits and will keep doing what we are doing until he is ready but I guess I really just need to know I'm not alone!
Miss P should have been Miss V! My co-sleeping, chest napping, booby loving bub. I actually checked the other day to make sure someone remembered to cut the umbilical cord...
She's so easy - as long as I'm holding her!
Miss P is 9 months now and has just started crawling. She's happy on the floor for about 5 minutes, as long as she can see me. I figure once she gets faster and more mobile I might get my left arm back! On a positive note, there's not much I can't do one handed! (I can even undo a belt, take my pants down, toilet, wipe, pull up pants, redo belt and flush - all with one hand! It's a talent...!)
Its hard work isn't it. My DD2 was a serious velcro baby. Still is to a certain extent and no, I won't tell you how old she is cos we'll keep this positive!! It was a huge shock for me because DD1 was such an easy going baby who was happy to go to anyone and everyone.
I found a big improvement in losing the limpet for longer periods when she got mobile. She was still extremely clingy, but much improved. FWIW, DD2 when she's not having one of her clingy periods is by far the more independent of my two girls.
ETA: Absolutely right about increased skills. I never would have thought I could go to the toilet one-handed before DD2 came along
DD is an afternoon Velcro baby... I cannot put her down in the afternoons, she has to sleep on mr. Not quite full time, but like you said Jaycee, seems to be getting worse not better!
Yes my dd was like this, I just held her because it was either that or she wouldn't sleep. She had bad refulx so was held pretty much constantly as a newborn and I think it stemmed from then. I used to put her in the ergo so that I could clean the house, otherwise nothing got done. She wanted to be held almost 24/7. As she has gotten older she has become alot happier to do her own thing. Other than a bit of separation anxiety lately she is usually happy to play on her own, put herself to sleep etc. She seems to have done everything in her own time. She is a super cuddly baby now which I love. It will get better
All three of mine where Velcro babies and I have no doubt this one will be too! I used to get stupid comments like oohhh that's not good you spoil him. That's not good you should let him cry. I even got one stupid women saying I should stop bf because ds3 was too clingy. But you know what? I am proud of it now after all I AM their mumma if they don't feel safe and content with me well then who? It does get better. My boys are only clingy when they are sick now. I must admit I do still co sleep sometimes with all of them! But I doubt they will be still doing that in their twenties!! ) (god I hope not)
Bonus! I just managed the nip and slip on the bed and got a WHOLE 15 minutes before Miss P realised she was not attached to me and woke up. Long enough to slam a sandwich in my gob... I no complain!!
DS is a limpet! When he was a newborn he had to be held ALL the time unless he was asleep or being bounced in his bouncer. The sling didn't work as it wasn't close enough. When he got to about 5 or 6 months, he started to enjoy our little walks in the pram as long as we kept moving, and from about 7 months he'd even fall asleep in there (though would wake up as soon as it stopped moving!). DS's sleep times were the only time I got to be more than a few metres away from him up until a couple of months ago.
When he could sit, things improved in that I could sit with him rather than having to hold him, but still had to carry him every time I moved (even if it was just across the room!). When he started crawling, he'd follow me around, then cling to my leg until I picked him up. Same for when he started walking. People used to tell me he'd be 'happier' once he could crawl/walk etc but it wasn't until after he turned one, he started becoming a bit more independent. I don't think it had anything to do with being more mobile, it was more of a developmental and understanding thing.
He will happily play for 5 or so minutes right next to me or DH now, but does still spend most of his 'independent play time' sitting on my lap, iykwim. He still grabs us and pulls us along to play with him or show him something, but once or twice a day he will wander off and play by himself for up to 20 minutes. He will also usually play in the lounge by himself while I am in there folding washing. He's absolutely fine if it's his idea to move away, but still gets upset if we're the ones who have to go and he doesn't want us to.
Basically, my little man wants to be wherever we are. The more he's included, the happier he is. The happier he is, the less of a limpet he is. That 1/2 metre gap seems like a kilometre when you've spent 12 months connected to him, lol! I'm used to going to the toilet with him now (he's at the age where he's pointing and asking about everything now so it's like a running commentary...'mummy is doing a wee'...'mummy is pulling her pants up'....'mummy is flushing' :reface and having him around while I do the housework - he plays with the pegs or hands them to me, gets the washing out of the machine, sits on the bench while I chop veggies, plays in his 'special' cupboard while I do the washing up etc. He's also great with a dustpan and brush or sponge....
My brother and his partner have just had a baby and I was amazed when we visited to be greeted at the door by mum and dad and bub was in the bouncer around the corner, awake but not screaming! It didn't compute...
Someone spilled superglue on me, I think. Little girl is sick, which doesn't help (if she's well, I get 3 or 4 30 minute bursts per day in which to do stuff.) but, yeah, I own 9 different baby carriers for a reason!
my DS was like that & still is to a certain extent.
he wanted to sleep on me for naps for a long time - he definitely grew out of it a bit by the time he was 6 months. i still lie down next to him while he goes to sleep & he's 2. i don't have a problem with it though & he's been sleeping on a matress (and a bed since he was about 18 months) since he was 9 months old - it's made settling him far easier.
i noticed that he became far more independent when he started walking at 12 months - it was almost as if he realised he could get to me (moreso than when he was crawling) if he needed to, which meant it was okay to leave my side.
he still likes a bit of my attention & often asks for 'cuggles' but i don't mind i went through a stage of being a bit frustrated but someone commented at playgroup one day how lovely it must be to get all those cuddles & how her little boy just wasn't interested. then i realised i needed to change my way of thinking & appreciate the positives.
i tried a sling when DS was a NB but didn't have much money to try different sorts & he didn't like the one i'd bought this time i'm prepared & have already bought a close carrier!
I'm a velcro mama from way back.
Can't help you with when it will improve cos I've blocked those memories out lol.
I did console myself many a time with 'I'm offering them a nurturing, secure safe place to gain their confidence. They will use that to their advantage to feel safe and secure enough to venture out on their own'.
DD I battled, but DS I just went with it and I have to say, he is much more independent, self confident and self assured than DD. And apart from that early stage my parenting is largely the same for both of them. it def does get better though.
We call DS Klingon. But thankfully he's only an wakeful cling on... He does sleep, now, in his cot. But before he was about 6mths, only on me.
Now, when he is awake, he has to be with me, generally in my arms. I'm a leader for mainly music, a music-based Playgroup, and on Friday DS did the whole session from the vantage point of the Ergo on my back. He loved it and all the mums thought it was quite funny! He wouldn't even go to my sister, who he has seen every week, a coupons of times a week normally, since he was born. And he loves his Aunty! But even she wasn't cutting it!
We'll slide in here.
Its summer here and HOT so my sling isnt used to full potential, great but too hot.
Pram? Nah not really yet its too far away from mummy
Somedays Sophie spends most of the day grizzling because mummy put her down. I havent mastered 1 handed toileting yet, 1 handed hanging out of washing etc, bring on the cooler weather so we can sling it all day. All our kids have been varying degrees of velcro but this 1 takes the cake
My mum says baby is manipulating me- RIGHT, cause a 2-3 month old baby can think that way ? WTH!
Aaaahhh, doubletrouble, our mum's must be friends!! My mother tells me that I am 'making a rod for my own back' when I pick Miss P up instead of letting her CIO. Yes, mum, but it is MY OWN back - not yours, so shush!
As for prams, I have a Bugaboo Cameleon I bought for this baby (I have two older kiddies, but I wanted a new pram). My DH likes to tell me I spent $1500 on a very expensive shopping trolley as I have to carry Miss P around while I push it!!
I think just as the clinginess is about to end, the separation anxiety kicks in and you start all over again.... Having said that, DS is at an awesome age atm, and I love having him around me all day. The times I resent it and wish he'd let me put him down (and get on with housework etc), the worse it gets (and I think I spent way too much time doing that when he was a newborn - all those self-imposed expectations of having to be Supermum :shake head. When I just go with it and spend time with him, we have soooo much fun together. If the vacuuming doesn't get done, so what? If it takes 30 minutes to hang the washing out, so what? I have the most amazing little boy who teaches me so much more than a vacuum cleaner ever could.
Toilet tip - I'd take the bouncer in there and bounce it, plus sing and make faces and that would buy me just enough time to do what I needed to (with grizzles, but not full blown upset crying).
OP, you cracked me up with Klingon - DH calls the the 'remnants' on the toilet bowl Klingons (as in, "There's Klingons on the starboard bow"!!!!) ROFL
Also, Jaycee, get a better sling. If yours is uncomfortable at 4 months, then it's a piece of junk. You won't know yourself when you can do back carries.
It's so good to read all this - I kinda thought it was normal and wondered how other mums get so much done. I've looked after plenty of other babies this age, but most were parented a little differently to what I have, so I pondered the connection. But it might just be my baby. And I don't mind. It's nice to be loved so much.
And as a friend says "When they're 15 they certainly won't want to climb into your bed in the night, or want cuddles ever, so just make the most of it while you can."
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this time i'm prepared & have already bought a close carrier!
it def does get better though.
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