OH has a bee in his bonnet cause DS can take upto an hour to eat his tea.
DS was 3 in march and I don't think it's a big deal. I will help him some nights when I have finished. I figure it's cause he is usually tired, we have usually fed him a bit late and he is a bit over it.
OH believes it's because the TV is on and there are too many toys where he eats.
I see his point and said to him how about we start by removing his toys to see if that encorages him to eat a bit quicker. Well last night he took it upon himself to ask DS to clear his table (which DS did with no issues) and then turned the TV off. DS cracked it as he wanted to watch it. He told DS that if he ate half his tea quickly that it would be turned back on. DS thinks he does everything slowly so complained about this. I wanted to say to OH that surely just saying eat half your tea would have been more productive. How about being a big more compromising and flexible?!
OH is upset cause after about 20 mins and having DS ask for him from him and me I helped DS to eat his tea. Not a lot but enough for OH to be upsest.
I am just wondering how normal is it for 3 yr to take a long time to eat tea?
I don't think the tv should be on during meal times at all regardless of how fast someone eats or not - same with toys I guess. For me there needs to be a clear boundary - this is meal time, that is play time. Out of curiosity, what time do you eat tea? Perhaps you need to make an effort to get it on the table earlier and see how that works out?
At 3 no I never helped my kids, yes they might take a little longer, but so be it. I think eating earlier is extremely important for little people because they are hungry earlier and they are not tired. I also agree no tv and no toys.
I see your point ausgirl but even before DS we never ate at the table always in the loungeroom with the tv on.
I think that is what annoyed me about last night as well is that OH and I were going to have a different tea to DS last night cause DS doesn't eat tacos and that's what OH wanted. DS is a plain eater... steak/chicken and vege (carrots, zuchinni, brocoli, cauliflower) cause he eats that so well I am not worried that he doesn't eat tacos. I served DS tea about 5.50pm So it seemed to me like he put all this pressure onto DS to eat and we weren't even eating!!
my almost 5 yr old is a PIA when it comes ot eating...we have no tv no toys rule, and it can still take him hours to eat they same amount of food his almost 2 yr old brother takes 10min, we are at our whits end...to the stage we put a time limit on how long we feel is reasonable and if not eaten he goes hungry...so I feel your OH pain ...
I don't disagree with no toys and even no tv but I didn't like the way he approached it. We had discussed and and I thought he had agreed with me (obviosly not) My appraoch is a more of a compromise.... let's start with this and if that doesn't work make it clear to DS and do that (hope that made sense)
I don't think I would help DS if I didn't feel pressure from OH that DS should be finished earlier.... argh.... just so frustrated
Whatever you decide to do, you and you OH need to be a 'united force' for any rules. So you really do need to discuss how something is going to work and what strategies you are going to use and support each other and follow through with them.
Personally I would set a time limit to finish a meal - something reasonable, 30 mins or so and make it clear that if you haven't eaten your dinner by then, meal time will be over. 30 mins is still long enough to eat slowly and not scoff the food down. Just my opinion.
Do you know why your OH wants him to eat quicker? Is it so he can have bath and get to bed etc or is just cos OH thinks you he should be able to eat quicker? Is it becoming a power struggle where OH has forgotten why he wants your son to be quicker?
My DD is younger, but i don't want power struggles for no reason. When we have to go somewhere do something, i have to stop meals prematurely or encourage, but if i have the time i would much rather she eat at her own pace. And be able to guage her feelings of hunger and saiety more easily.
I think that no TV no toys is a great start.
I wouldn't tolerate an hour. I would give 10 minutes maximum after I have finished eating.
IMO dinner is not an important meal - if my children have eaten a variety of healthy food during the day having a small dinner is fine. The only reason that dinner matters is because it is a time that we all sit at the the table together.
thanks so much for sharing ladies and I suppose it's hard to know what is normal when I don't know what is happening in other houses
He doesn't always take an hour but he certainly can. I think it is mainly when he is tired etc... but OH thinks I am just making up excuses. He looks after DS 1 night a week (so he cooks him tea, baths him and dresses him etc...) while I go out and he says that it is a battle to get him to eat. I don't buy it but that is how he feels. OH feels that it is a battle to get him to eat tea everynight.... I don't think it is.
I am up for compromising.... will have to renegotiate I think, cause I agree we need a united front. Again many thanks ladies.
We sit at the table with no toys or TV, but DS can muck around chronically eating his tea. OMG that boy can talk! He just yaps and yaps and seems to forget that his dinner is right in front of him! We usually listen to the babble but give a reminder every couple of minutes that his tea is getting cold. He has until DH and I have finished eating to have his tea finished or it gets taken away and he gets no play minutes after bath time (has never actually happened, but works as a threat). He has to ask to leave the table and if he hasn't eaten enough we tell him he has to eat 3 bites of this and one of that etc and he will usually do it quickly to be able to leave.
If he mucks around too long and doesn't eat enough then he goes to bed hungry. It is his choice, he knows the consequences.
ETA, we aren't starving him - he snacks all day and he only eats a token dinner anyway.
Personally I would go mental waiting around for an hour for the kids to eat - I can definitely see your DH's point of view.
I agree, no toys, no TV and if you could all sit up to the table together you might find you really enjoy it! Also, eating earlier works in our house, we often eat together at 5pm. Don't know if your OH is home at that time, so if it's possible?
Does your DS eventually eat all of the food you put in front of him? Maybe he eats so well during the day he is full at dinner time and doesn't need as much food as you are serving him?
FWIW, I was a reeeeaallly slow eater when I was a kid. I was always the last to finish my dinner, regardless of what it was or how hungry I was. I really wasn't trying to be difficult, I think I just couldn't swallow my food until it had been well chewed and I didn't like large mouthfuls. We sat at the table, no TV (dinner was a very social occasion and we all talked about our days instead) and I was encouraged to eat if I really slowed down. I know it was frustrating for my mum and often she would start cleaning up before I had finished while my dad sat with me. If he got frustrated, he would eat mouthfuls off my plate while mum wasn't looking! As an adult, I am still a slowish eater and usually the last to finish. I hate that feeling of shoving food in my mouth and swallowing before it's properly chewed. Food should be enjoyed!
So, my advice is no distractions, all eat together, gentle encouragement - and plenty of patience!
I wrote this thread https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...please-168173/ a while ago because I was at my wits end. Dinner felt like a battle every single night. Since I wrote it and got heaps of good advice, DH and I have chilled a bit with dinner time. DS seems to be a really slow eater so in his case, as long as he is eating, then an hour is pretty standard for him. I do try to push it along a bit though, because seriously I have better things to do with my time. If he is messing around and hopping up and down from the table and not eating, he is now given a warning, and then another warning (can't help myself ), and then his dinner is taken away, he brushes his teeth and goes to bed. I also found out that DH was a super super slow eater as a kid, and used to take up to 3 hours to eat tea. His mum had way more patience than me!
I've also realised that although tea is my main meal, lunch would be DS's main food time - so as long as he eats well during the day, if tea is a bit of write off, then I'm learning to be ok with that. We have no tv and no toys but DS is a HUGE chatter, which I do understand because it's pretty much the first time he see's DH all day and he gets excited.
Every night this week though, he has eaten tea in under 20 mintues - he has started playing 'Masterchef' at teatime - he is Gary, I am George and he scores every bite and I have to write the score down on a piece of paper. It's bizarre but I'm sticking with it as long as he eats lol!
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Taking upto an hour to eat tea...
), and then his dinner is taken away, he brushes his teeth and goes to bed. I also found out that DH was a super super slow eater as a kid, and used to take up to 3 hours to eat tea. His mum had way more patience than me!
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