Hi all, DD1 who's 5 is a bit obsessed with her vagina, she likes to touch it, rub things on it and look at it.
I've tried to make an environment where genitals arent...whats the word....not a hidden thing and i talk about them openly with her, so she doesnt ever have to feel like anything in that area needs to remain a secret (DF doesnt like this approach at all)
She's started drawing pictures of men, with penis's and she thinks its hilarious, the past few days she's also been going around the house randomly flashing us all and shouting,'who wants to see my vagina?"
i neither discourage or encourage this behaviour but i really really dont want her pulling these stunts at kinder, because it probably wont go down to well!
I've talked to her and told her that it isnt a very ladylike thing to do and mummy doesnt flash her vagina around the house so she shouldnt either. its such a fine line between allowing it to be an open subject but also trying to teach them that its not ok to do these things outside of the house!
So my question is, are other 5ish yr olds also obsessed with their bits???
Yes. Very. DS is always flashing. Don't think he does it at school luckily. He is also obsessed with bottoms. Whacking them, smelling them (I think he does that to annoy me), flashing them. Oh dear. Lets hope they get over it soon.
I have boys as you know, but it sounds normal for me with them.
In my early childhood experience i have often seen girls rubbing themselves against things too, and if you ask them why they say it feels good.
Hayden just the other week drew a lovely picture of me at childcare- which was a head, and 2 large round breasts, and arms and legs.
I don't have a five year old (yet) but I did do a course on sex education with kids that age.
First up, I think it is very normal and I don't think you need to discourage it but she needs to know when it is appropriate and when it is not.
We taught "public and private" as a way of talking about that - talk about her about "private" places like the shower, bath, toilet, her bedroom etc and then talk about "public" places like the park, kindy etc and then liken those places to places on her body. There are some places on our bodies that are public and it is okay to talk about it in public, show it off in public like our face, arms, legs etc and there are parts of our bodies that are private and we only do certain things in private. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what she is doing and she needs to know that but it is something we save to do in private.
The other part of that that we teach to kids this age is self protection - what is a good touch? what is a bad touch? how do they feel? A good touch is a touch that we want - so kisses and cuddles that we want. A bad touch is a touch that we don't want or touches that hurt - so being kicked or hit, but also kisses and cuddles that we don't want. I have been careful to make sure that my kids know that if they don't want to be touched at any time, even by us, that it is okay to say so.
Then the other part of self protection is No, Go, Tell. If someone touches us in a way that we don't like or makes us feel uncomfortable then it is okay to say "No", run away from the person and tell an adult that we trust. We get kids to hold up five fingers and name one person for each finger they could tell if they were being touched in a way that they didn't like (parents, teachers, police, grandparents, doctor etc).
I know the last part wasn't really related to your initial question, but the self protective behaviours go hand in hand with understanding ourselves and our bodies. There is a really good book by Family Planning Queensland called "Everybody's got a Bottom" that goes through all about our bodies, which behaviours are appropriate where and self protection. Our local library has a copy I borrowed for our kids and I really liked it so I will be buying a copy for us now.
Hope that helps as a very long winded reply to your question
My girls aren't that age yet but we had this discussion with SIL and DP's cousin, both their girls went through stages of being fascinated by their vagina, touching it, rubbing it, flashing etc so i think it is most definitely normal.
SIL at one stage had to take a blanket with her in public to put over the pram so niece could 'finish' what she was doing without anyone noticing.
They discussed that her Vagina was for her and her only and it was not polite to flash it or touch it in public, she was not in trouble but there are just some things that you do on your own.
They were very open with her about it and majority of the time it was confined to within the walls of their house.
I think you can only be honest with her, explain you don't mind if she touches/looks etc but it's not to be done in public and it's HER vagina and other people should not be looking at or touching it (be it her showing them etc etc).
Just Me - that's a fascinating response. So much to take in. My DD1 is starting school next year and constantly wants to kiss & cuddle people (especially when saying goodbye) and often the other child doesn't want to....especially boys. (that will change!!) i don't want to stop her being affectionate, but wasn't sure how to teach her to curb her behaviour. Your post was great - thanks!
I wouldn't think fascination with her own body was abnormal, but I'd be concerned that she was drawing penises and the like. That doesn't sound like mere interest. I could be wrong, but I'd consider talking to your GP or a teacher about her behavior.
Just me, thank you for that info, one of the reasons we use correct terminology and have thhe openess is so that if anything ever happened to her she'd be able to tell us.
Jennifer i dont think its anything sinister, she was drawing a picture of her dad
DS draws pics too that are anatomically correct so I agree that in itself it isn't sinister. I don't really mind but ask that he doesn't do it when he draws pictures as presents
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Pre schoolers and genitals
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