Nobody to look after DD1 for birth of baby#2 - what would you do??

[belle75]

Not sure where this is supposed to go - MODS please move to where appropriate.

So I am pregnant with #2 (yippeee!!) Problem is we don't have any family or friends close to us who can look after DD1 (will be 2yr9m at my EDD). The hospital is 45min away from us. We could put her into occasional childcare if I go into labour during the day - but the centre closes at 4.30 and what if DH doesn't make it in time to pick her up ? DD1 was born at 4.30pm (I know not all babies will be born at the same time - but just considering the same scenario). God knows how long labour will be, plus she has never been to stay over at any friends house. We don't really have anyone who could look after her.

I just cannot think of a good solution and was hoping you great BB ladies could help me out here - any suggestions?

[organic-girl]

Here in SA there is a 24/7 occasional care for over night emergencies type thing, perhaps there is one near you? Mayb you could start having a few date nights and get a baby sitter who is prepared to be oncall for the birth? I've only just made a awesome friend here in SA so she is our contact for this bub. We've only been here for 6mths and IT'S HARD HEY?!? perhaps your mum could take some holidays and come stay with you before n after ur EDD?? unfortunately my mum can't do that but some can I suppose...


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Leah and Dan
Lucy 5
Minnie 2
Pippi due 29 sept

YOU are what YOU eat!

[belle75]

It is SO hard! Glad someone understands the 24/7 service sounds awesome. I'm in Melbourne. Don't think there is anything similar around here, but will be worth investigating. Thanks for the suggestion. Also, don't know how DD will react to a babysitter! I guess I have a bit of time so can gradually get her used to someone? Unfortunately, like you, my mum can't travel to be here.
DH's side of the family are all in NZ. He has suggested that once we tell them, hopefully one of his sisters, sis-in-laws would be happy to come over for a "holiday" I'm not counting on that though. they all have their own families to look after and you really can't predict when baby will come, can you??

[beansbeans!]

Hi Belle,
Where do you stand on taking her with you to the hospital?
DD1 was 26 months when I went into labour with DD2. We moved to a new town towards the end of my pregnancy, so we knew no one who could look after DD1 when the time came. Also she had never spent a night away from me. So we had a friend who was on call for us, but she was 4hrs away. My mil was 4 hours away too. That was it. Hospital was also around 30-45 mins away.
But when the time came, we realised there was no way that either our friend nor mil would make it to our house, so we took DD1 to the hospital with us, she was in the delivery room with us when DD2 was born as well. Well labour was in total an hr and a half, we were at the hospital all of 7minutes before DD2 was born. Actually DH and DD1 almost missed the birth by the time they parked the car, got everything and then came in to find me.
In the end seeing me in labour didnt have a negative effect on her, actually we believe she bonded better with her sister. We did take heaps of toys and snacks and what not. I had pasked her a bag when I packed my hospital bag. I figured she would come with us until someone got to us. So she had everything she needed. After DD2 was born she had her snacks, played with her toys, investigated her sister, then went shopping with DH once the shops opened (she just had to go shopping for a present for her sister).

I know our situation worked out well for us. If labour had been longer then DH planned to take Dd1 for walks when we both needed timeout, play with her and all that stuff. Good luck!

also do you have any friends or other relatives come and stay with you towards the end of your pregnancy?

[Bengal]

I must admit, my first thought was, oh i will babysit your little one for you. Then i realised we have never met.

In Melbourne we have Family Day care that is run through the councils, a good friend of mine does it.

It's an alternative to creche and children are minded at approved carer's homes. I was thinking if you could find someone through the council and have DD go a few hours a week between now and the birth, you could build up quite a relationship.

My DD has childcare qualifications and whilst working at her creche is often asked by mums and dads to babysit on the weekends, in their own homes and we often have little ones over. That is another alternative, as you know they have had all the relevant police, working with children checks etc, as has all Melbourne patients who have gone through ivf, we go through thorough testing prior to being allowed to commence ivf treatment .

Hth

[briggsy's girl]

i was going to suggest getting a place with FDC - and finding a carer that is prepared to be on call - your DD will need to get to know the carer beforehand so it's not too stressful for her - but a lot of carers are prepared to do overnight care if/when needed

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Not sure where you are having baby but RWH have child care facilities but i am not quite sure where you stand when it comes to labour as they do recommend to book in advance when it comes to normal appointments etc.

I second what has been said about finding FDC or getting little girl into childcare and hopefully developing a relationship with one of the carers and getting them to help out and be on call for the birth.
The other options would be to take her with you, and I don't think that is a necessarily bad idea but you would need to be well planned with how to entertain her while you are there! And probably talk about it well in advance to prepare her. DS has a leapster game thing that he loves so if we end up having to take him it should keep him entertained That and we are also (barring any committment that means she cannot attend) having a student midwife so we will have an extra support.

[Artechim]

We had this issue when I was having DD - in the end I went to the birth center by myself and DH stayed home to look after DS.

This time round we are home birthing to avoid the whole childcare thing. Unfortunately we have no back up plan - if I have to transfer anywhere then DH will miss the birth again.

It is really hard when you don't have family around and the children aren't used to being with anyone else. I hope you can come up with something that works.

[belle75]

Beansbeans - we did think about the possibility of taking DD with us to the hospital. Don't know hospital policy though. Seeing my ob tomorrow so will hopefully get some info from him. Trouble is DD is very curious and a very fidgety little girl there is no way she would stay entertained if labour is a few hrs long!

Bengal - so kind of you to offer to babysit! FDC is another great option suggested. Feeling a little unsure about how DD will take it. She goes to occasional childcare sometimes and has formed a really good relationship with one of the carers there, who also adores DD ! Might be worth asking her I guess.

BG - thats' what I'm worried about - DD getting stressed about being left with someone else. I don't have much of a choice though, huh?

Dragoncookie - having bub at St V's . will call them to see what options they have.

Artechim - It will have to be the same for us if we can't find anyone. We thought of maybe getting a doula to help me while DH stays with DD. Would be such a shame for him to miss the birth though

Thanks ladies, so many great suggestions here! I'm getting excited that we may finally work something out! BB rocks !!

[Traveller]

If you decide to take her with you to hospital then you could ask a student midwife if she would follow you through your pregnancy. That way there will be one extra adult in the room as you labour, and someone that your daughter is familiar with, to help her understand what is happening.

[HotI]

Maybe you could go to a few of the BB meets and you might find someone you (and your DD) clicks with who she could stay with if taking her with you isn't a good option.

[Ginger]

i like the idea of getting a doula to help you with the birth and having your dh look after dd. i would consider going down that road if i were you.

[~ Mylitta ~]

My best friend recently moved to the UK where they have no family and only had a few people that they knew but were not yet "friends". She needed to arrange a babysitter, so once she found someone that she liked, she had the lady come to the house once a week for dinner for a few weeks so the kids could get used to her. Once she was happy that the kids were comfortable with the lady then she was confident to start leaving them with her few short periods of time. She gredually built it up over time. That might be an option for you seeings as you still have quite a bit of time before bub comes.