Hi my 20 month old has started pushing other children. He seems to only do it to the children who can stand up and it isn't in anger, usually just in excitement. However when the other child cries and we say to be gentle and tell him not to he goes up and does it again. I have tried removing him, telling him it is not nice and to be gentle and 'we don't push, we cuddle or pat gently' (only introduced the pat or cuddle as it was a positive instruction rather than a 'don't'. I am not actively encouraging him to go up to people and stroke them!!! LOL!)
Anyway I am sure it is a phase but what did other gentle parenters do when their little ones did this?
The only other parenting techniques I have seen demonstrated by my fellow MG mums (of children the same age) are naughty step or smacking Both techniques that I neither believe in nor condone.
My DS is a little older. Add biting into the mix and they could be the same person.
We take him away from the situation, explain why it's not ok (at his eye level), sit together and cool off for a moment, go back and say sorry then move away and do something else.
I always assume when kids push/hit/etc but they are not angry, it is because they are trying to connect with other kids.
So in that situation, I would say something along the lines of "You're trying to be friends with xyz. Look at her face, she looks sad because you pushed her. If you want to be her friend, why don't you try holding her hand/hugging her etc. You have to use gentle touches". (I usually stroke my kids hands when I say gentle touches to give them an ideas of what I am talking about).
From what you have described, he sounds like he is trying to make friends and he probably just needs some direction about how to be friends. I'd say he is pushing because he doesn't know what else to do and probably can't communicate that very effectively yet.
DS2 is 20 months and he pushes and bites but really only really does it to his brother though, doesn't seem to be issue at day care of if out with other kids.
We tell him no that's not nice we remove him kicking and screaming and have also tryed time out as often when we say no and move him he goes straight back and does it again.
It does seem to be him trying to 'make friends' because he mainly does it to this little girl who he has such a laugh with. They giggle with delight at each other and run around, squealing and laughing. Then he goes over and pushes her! She is the only one of my friend's children who is walking and standing up so that could also be a factor??
I think this is really normal! And yes, sometimes can be excitement and the squeals etc from the other child can reinforce it as an exciting thing to do.
I have stopped this in my toddlers through 'no, don't push, you'll hurt [insert name] look she's crying, give her a huggle' etc and I have also used timeout for repeated pushing after I've asked not to etc... I had planned not to use timeout but I have 4 kids, incl until recently, 3 under 3, and I just found I had to use it to get things a bit calmer.
Mine have responded well to pretty much what you are saying, I think you can't expect overnight success perhaps? but if you keep giving this message that it's not a behaviour that we like and that it hurts and show them a better behaviour then you will get there.
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Pushing other children
He seems to only do it to the children who can stand up and it isn't in anger, usually just in excitement. However when the other child cries and we say to be gentle and tell him not to he goes up and does it again. I have tried removing him, telling him it is not nice and to be gentle and 'we don't push, we cuddle or pat gently' (only introduced the pat or cuddle as it was a positive instruction rather than a 'don't'. I am not actively encouraging him to go up to people and stroke them!!! LOL!)
Both techniques that I neither believe in nor condone.
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