Fail, Fail, Fail!!!!!!! 3 yr old regulating her behavior

[beckoes]

feel abit lost and sad that im failng to help dd1 in the right way.

she recently had a bit of a hitting/lashing out problem, that got sorted by way of a sticker chart and a lot of talking.

I know that a three year old cant really regulate thier behavior but she has turnrd into a really sensitive child, she crys at the drop of a hat, you cant tell her anything, for example, she picked up someone elses used tissue in the park today, i said ''yuck thats dirty put it down'' that was it, melt down, ran off to the other side of the park, crying, screaming, i didnt chase after her, just slowly followed her, picked her up, she was kicking and screaming, sobbing! the sobbing continued for a hour. she is now asleep.

we have these atleast twice a day, if she doesnt get her way or i explain that she cant/shouldnt do something.

she punches her self in the thigh/hip when shes getting cross.

what have i done, its like a follow on from the violence is this crap and i hate it, im starting to not want to go out. this isnt my daughter, i want my happy, lovely girl back!

[SunnyRain]

Hi sorry I don't have much to offer. 3 year olds are hard (threenagers) but even if it's just typical three year old behaviour, it doesn't make it easier for you to know what you should do.

I'm having behavioural issues with my 3 year old, although different from yours, and I'm thinking of talking to child behavioural experts through my local community centre. I also don't feel equipped with the skills to know how to handle a 3 year old.

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Jude 07/10/2008 | Lilac 16/06/2011

[Butterfly Dawn]

I recognise this style of fun. Ds2 has been similar for awhile, we have just put it down to age, stress (we have had alot happen in the last year or so) He can be fine for a while then we'll have weeks of not being able to take him places because he cant cope/ plays up/ I cant cope with the emotions, but also find that creates problems in turn because then its a big exciting thing when we do go out and ..... It does get better when they get older and can self regulate. We just make sure our kids know- you behave like... and we go straight home, and give them a warning- if you carry on like this we will go home. At the start of an outing I run through what I expect of them- that way everybody knows- we dont pick things up off the ground, we hold a grown ups hand or hold the pram etc.
:hugs:

[BeautifulMadness]

I wish i had some advice, coz @ 4 it isnt much better.

i guess start setting out the rules before you go out if she breakes them u go home or she has something taken away from her,


or say if you're a good girl this week, on friday you will get a speical surprise

[Mak]

I had honestly forgotten about the 3's from DD1 but DD2 has arrived with a vengence. It will pass but it has been a shock here (twice) lol. We tend to move on pretty quickly and try to behave as if the tantrums unrelated to a behaviour are not happening but when she has hit/punched done something that is unacceptable for us then I try to put her aside (but still in the same room) until she is able to calm down, discuss what happened and apologise. I am not sure if this fits with your parenting style tho? The idea is they are not punished as such as they are not removed but that they have to work throughwhat was not ok with their action/behaviour/reaction and then discuss how that would be better handled. Sounds OTT but it is a technique you can employ anywhere too. We have found it to work quite well and although tough at the start gives a good result as they have a handle on how to behave next time if that makes sense? DD2 is very verbal too so that helps. Good luck but also remember you are not alone in this!!! xx

[Butterfly Dawn]

I thought of you this morning when we got woken up by DS2 wail. Its like an air raid siren and he uses this instead of whingying at the moment because it gets instant results (its the most annoying thing EVER) it was then followed by load crocodial tears which quickly got out of hand and into real sobbing. Complete melt down by the time I got to the lounge that Im sure woke anybody around us that was stil asleep- all because his brother was sitting where he wanted to on the couch :headshake:
Anyways, I just want to say, I give my kids rescue remedy on days where melt downs are too frequent or emotions are out of control. It seems to help and if I take 1 myself it gives mummy a timeout. we get the pastilles and each 1 is the equivalent of 4 drops.
I hope you have a better day today hun

[beckoes]

thank you all so much.

i tried everything today, making sure she wasnt hungry, thirsty, around the wrong people, went to a different playground, had a lovely fun mummy morning, made sure we went early so we could be home by 12 so not out when se seems to get super tired in the arvo.

Melt down level 3....so not level 5 which we have had but still, cry and flopping around in the playground is still annoying! oh well!

thanks for the advice ladies, i will certainly try all these ways of coping!! glad its not just us!!

[Beach Mama]

We have constant meltdowns over nothing, little things and endless sooking from DS who turned 3 this week. I really think that it is a normal developmental stage - DS has great verbal communication for his age, but even so I think he gets super frustrated anyway. I think they have NO concept of why they can't have something they want, and this is developmental - can't remember where I read it recently. Our aim has simply to be consistent. It is tough to do but the thing we have seen work the best. I also turn to a blog called theparentingpassageway - maybe have a look there, she has some great articles on there that are based on developmental stage and behaviour etc. She is a Waldorf homeschooling mama so some things are a bit different but her approach resonates with me and if anything it is lovely to turn somewhere and know you aren't alone and it is all normal.
This too shall pass - surely!

[beckoes]

This too shall pass------that should be the mantra of every parent!!! thanks il check out that blog!